On intellectualism and art...

Anyone else think that the intellectual side of the artistic community is the loneliest place in the universe?

I'm here listening to OSI tracks... and I have to wonder if I'll forever be doomed to be loveless because I'm emotive, expressive, contemplative and analytical. One can sound complex and dynamic on paper, but the progressive music community (rock, electronica, or hip hop) doesn't really connect with the female side of the fence for whatever reason. Anytime you go to a show, it's abundantly clear. I hate who I am sometimes. Hate my DNA. The simplicity of one direction over the other seems to work SO MUCH better for the average person. Right brain. Left brain. Nothing in-between.

Anyone else think that the intellectual side of the artistic community is the loneliest place in the universe?

 

I'm here listening to OSI tracks... and I have to wonder if I'll forever be doomed to be loveless because I'm emotive, expressive, contemplative and analytical. One can sound complex and dynamic on paper, but the progressive music community (rock, electronica, or hip hop) doesn't really connect with the female side of the fence for whatever reason. Anytime you go to a show, it's abundantly clear. I hate who I am sometimes. Hate my DNA. The simplicity of one direction over the other seems to work SO MUCH better for the average person. Right brain. Left brain. Nothing in-between.

Hi, I'm a poet/artist and a lot of times I feel like you... like I don't belong anywhere especially when it comes to relationships. Stay true to yourself and you'll find true love one day

Yeah, man, the genre don't matter. The moment you show any depth is the same moment you lose people. Like I said (I'm not a sexist), but this is a way bigger misalign for women. I ALWAYS end up talking music and art with straight guys while the ladies' respective eyes glaze over. I don't get it. Is your heart into anything? Why did you even show up at the event if you really weren't into it?

True.. but as an individual's with a tailored character based on your own individualistic perceptions you have.to realize that comparisons between you and the "simple" mind are not rational based on your own genetics.. you are the only you on this planet, maybe not the universe, lol so average,? In comparison to a superiority complex that my dear watson is more primative evalution of your being.

Stop to realize no two people are alike, you're unique and your tastes will be determined by your own preferences and dispositions cultivated by your environment. If you truly like complexities then dig deep into spirituality and try to practice it for yourself.

Personally speaking, any time I've started to have a proper conversation about music/the band at a gig, I end up getting hit on. And I just can't be bothered with it any more. It's impossible to have the conversation whilst waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Nothing to do with the subject matter at all...

I've always been closely connected to artists (performing arts, painters, writers, etc) even though I do not have artistic ability other than perhaps creative writing. I am including family members, very close friends, significant others and professional relationships. Both men and women. It's interesting that you describe yourself as creative and progressive yet generalize to the extent you do about "the female side of the fence" as you describe it. Perhaps it's more prevalent in your particular art form and in your particular community. It might also have to do with how you express yourself to fellow artists and non-artists that might color your perceptions.

Maybe you're jumping the gun with your depth?

Sometimes you can just roll into that sort of thing with a random stranger. But, more often than not, depth is something that develops. It comes with trust, vulnerability, and connection. And further, it's not something that you need to offer to everyone. It's earned.

Every human is intelligent and Capable in his/her own way, in your reality which is true you are a magnificent being with unbound intelligence, that being said if you think too much and give your reflections with the inconsistency of others including your own you will inevitably find faults. Derogatory and demeaning comparisons and evaluations of others are not logical reflections in any way what do ever, I understand you having a different taste youre an individual.. I also noticed that your difference causes you to be unhappy, you're complacent just by reading your comparisons and evaluations. Theyre accurate as all beings are intelligent, but when it turns into critique of others is where logic fizzles out, is there any benefit to your degradation of another's intelligence?

" A small mind discusses others a great mind discusses action". In order for you to find beauty In the simple things stop comparing, in other words stop to smell the roses.. if that truly doesn't help you in your journey as a beautiful being then try taking on things that are more consistently complex one thing that guides me is learning admit frequencies and my connection to all living things, spirituality can be full of depth and artistic when you think about it. I hope you free your vessle and constantly gain momentum in your progress as a supreme being

I understand what you mean. And there is some truth to it whatever others say. I like experimental music and most gigs I will attend it's mostly men in the audience. That is because throughout time women were not the artists/creatives, this changed mainly in the 20th century, in the past it was men being the composers, painters, playwrights and writers. Mary Shelley published Frankenstein anonymously to begin with. Being an artist is an unstable profession (though that is changing too as a lot of 'creative' professions are becoming more commercial) and in the past many women didn't choose it because traditionally women aimed at stability. Nowadays things have changed and there is a fairer representation of both sexes in the Arts.

I work for Arts and charities and women around me love intellectual men. Love them. I do too. I also feel that an intellectual man will 'get' me more because I assume he will weigh up different aspects and not just act emotionally and superficially. I am a complex woman and I like someone that considers different variables. Sometimes in my life I have come accross intellectual guys that were lacking in empathy, warm and love and were too wrapped up in themselves and their intellect. Do you relate to this at all? I have no idea, just asking and sharing how it has appeared to me. Regarding those events you attend..don't worry about meeting a woman there, just go for yourself and your own enjoyment. If you want to share all that with a woman then join groups and online dating sites specifically for creatives, we have one here called 'single artist looking' or smth like that, or 'heavy metal dating'. Or even start a page or group for members of that scene. We also have here the dating site of a newspaper that is a bit lefty and many people I know have met someone through there.

My best friend is very intellectual and it took him forever to find a match, but he did, she is creative too and they are perfect together. He is older than you and has been extremely picky not only with women but friends too. I do think the more particular you are the harder it can be. But ultimately, can you be anything else? And would you want to? Just aim to find people similar to you.

I think it can work beautifully when one person is artistic and the other is not if the non-artistic person is into the arts and respects her SO for being an artist and if the artist is open-minded enough to see how people who are not artists nevertheless contribute to the world, their community, their families, etc. Just like many many couples who each have different skills and talents.

I have both, intellectual and expressive tendencies (I hesitate to call them "sides" as they share space and work together), that's what I mean.

I wonder what it is I have to do to attract similar women. It's hard to seek out dynamic women because you don't know who they are.

By going to places and getting involved in activities likely to attract the people with the traits you are looking for and of course to avoid wasting time in places where they do not tend to go. And you have to be willing to be out there in general on the "you never know" perspective.

What you write reminds me a little of the novel The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. Interesting read.

Wish I knew what those places are. Shows are a bust, like Quirky said, more creative and intellectualized artists performances are utter sausage festivals. I already hit the usual circles where the art crowd dwells. It's really cliquey and hard to navigate with no circle of friends involved in it... same goes for the music scene. That's how those scenes work.

I'm mostly relying on random encounters which is rough. Moving out of town for five-and-a-half years and coming back did me no favors with socializing. I HAVE friends, but they've generally more geeky (or yuppie if they're work buddies), less arty... none of them have any single, attractive women orbiting them. My old drummer's brother and his wife have a circle of friends, but there's no single women at their parties either... literally everyone's hitched. This is why I wish online dating didn't suck.

How about volunteering for an arts organization?

How about volunteering for an arts organization?

I agree. Not just that, but go to lectures, or maybe the museum has a movie night of a forum film and a wine and cheese mixer before hand.

Also - I am on the intellectual side with literature in my interests. My bf is not. he has a hobby that he is passionate about which involves making and figuring things out. He has broadened by becoming more of a reader. But we like to listen to and consider what the other one has to say, consider it carefully and ask questions to inspire more conversation rather than two of us such brains in the same area where we clash or both stay up too late writing or are both wanting to hole ourselves up - he gets me out of the house and more hands on, i have given him many other things to consider intellectually. We are a good match because we compliment eachother - where I have strengths, he has weaknesses and vice versa. It is about respect, being curious about what the other thinks and does more so than both being "the same."

He grounds me immensely and I am the better for it.

I was with someone who had similar qualities to me in some ways and it was a disaster because he was always critiquing me rather than just enjoying the fruits of my efforts with me sometimes.

How about volunteering for an arts organization?

I can't really commit to anything reoccurring like orgs or classes due to work hours and travel. Things like one-off events are more compatible with my schedule.

I agree. Not just that, but go to lectures, or maybe the museum has a movie night of a forum film and a wine and cheese mixer before hand.

Ummmmmm... Like I said, I do one-off art events like First Friday, which is oft accompanied by a protest, and never wine and cheese.

I think you might be misunderstanding where I dwell artistically and socially. We're talking more counterculture art here, much like the music: While I appreciate it, I'm not meeting the kind of girls I'm into at a symphony.

I love that you're all giving some advice but I'm not sure why you all want me to be an uber refined sophisticate. That can be part of my vernacular, but if I'm going to meet a girl, I gotta hit my target audience.

Ummmmmm... Like I said, I do one-off art events like First Friday, which is oft accompanied by a protest, and never wine and cheese.

 

I think you might be misunderstanding where I dwell artistically and socially. We're talking more counterculture art here, much like the music: While I appreciate it, I'm not meeting the kind of girls I'm into at a symphony.

 

I love that you're all giving some advice but I'm not sure why you all want me to be an uber refined sophisticate. That can be part of my vernacular, but if I'm going to meet a girl, I gotta hit my target audience.

You are typing to strangers who are trying to give what they see as helpful input and in your response you seem to look for ways to bite the hand that attempts to feed you and bury the reader in multisyllabic verbage that makes unwarranted assumptions (how's that for multisyllabic). I think you're being far too specific and narrow about the type of person you believe you would click with.

You are typing to strangers who are trying to give what they see as helpful input and in your response you seem to look for ways to bite the hand that attempts to feed you and bury the reader in multisyllabic verbage that makes unwarranted assumptions (how's that for multisyllabic). I think you're being far too specific and narrow about the type of person you believe you would click with.

I'm very sorry.

I'm likely as much guilty as you are here when it comes to assumptiveness. For whatever reason, I instinctively envision the internet as a dynamic cross-section of the populous, with a distinctly heavy lean on geek-sheik and progressive-minded Millennials... however, I'm starting to think that the advice forum demo (here, Loveshack, City-Data) looks a bit more like my mom's bunko group in Mesa (hence some woman on City-Data trying to convince me that beards were for the Duck Dynasty guys on the merchandise that she sees at Walmart). There's a serious disconnect about who I am:

I'm an intellectual creative that seeks to bridge the musical constants of the past to redefine the possibilities of the future, both through sonics, and distorting ideas about culture and civilization. The the kind of girl that resonates with me might look a bit like this:

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Let's start over on the suggestions, shall we? Thanks.

You are SO funny. Thanks for the witticisms.

You are SO funny. Thanks for the witticisms.

Thanks. Any humor is secondary. I do have a pretty good sense of humor, that I tend to convey through real world metaphor.

Thanks. Any humor is secondary. I do have a pretty good sense of humor, that I tend to convey through real world metaphor.

It might do you well to stop "conveying" and relying on multisyllabic arts-speak (because I think creativity and intellectualism too easily gets lost or hidden in verbage, if it was there in the first place -certainly gives the impression of smoke and mirrors as opposed to true creativity) - how about assuming that your intellect and creativity will shine through without your trying so hard and without the pedantic/heavy-handed stuff? It's a risk I know (meaning that it seems like you want to make sure you sound smart/creative by the type of vocabulary you rely on) but having spent many years among all types of artists at all levels of fame that to me is the common denominator - simplicity (and a healthy dose of humility).

This thread made me laugh

I'm an artist. But other artists don't seem to view me as one because I'm warm, friendly, wear bright colours, and don't feel "misunderstood". Like...I can't be a "real" artist because I don't view myself as different than others.

It's pretentious to view yourself as deeper and more emotional than strangers and acquaintances. Very few people wear their heart on their sleeves and get into deep subjects upon meeting someone new....because generally that's seen as over sharing and awkward.

Be authentic. Be yourself. Be humble. Learn boundaries. Be open minded...because....isn't that what art is about?

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It's pretentious to view yourself as deeper and more emotional than strangers and acquaintances. Very few people wear their heart on their sleeves and get into deep subjects upon meeting someone new....because generally that's seen as over sharing and awkward.

 

Be authentic. Be yourself. Be humble. Learn boundaries. Be open minded...because....isn't that what art is about?

For sure. Completely my M.O. The late, great Eyedea has inspired a lot in me recently because of that very outlook. R.I.P., brother.

Like I say, there's no winning at art. That's not the point. Your favorite football team doesn't make you better than anyone else either, even though there's actually winning at sports. People get too wrapped up in things that should express them not define them.

That's what's SO HARD about dating in America... everyone thinks they know your worldview based on how you dress or what you associate with. There's no opportunity to impress upon people any sort of altruism when you're a "pretentious musician", "smarta** nerd", or "dumb jock" before word one gets said. It gets colder by the day.

^What you said there, is one of the reasons that (I know it's repeating) I mentioned the idea of branching out beyond your usual haunts and 'scenes'. I personally am not a fan of 'scenes' - there is that tendency to boxing and exclusivity versus inclusiveness and a cliqueness based on what styles you enjoy or present as part of a persona. It's a focus on the superficial, and it's frustrating.

I probably mentioned it before but in my longer term relationships, they were creative types. Specifically; musicians. I do not identify as an artist, but I do enjoy all forms of art, and I like connecting with that part of other people too. If you were to see me though there are no identifying marks of belonging to the 'creative class' and sometimes, that is enough for people to go on and decide that I can't possibly have anything to say nor be interested in art. I've been around enough of the 'creatives' to know there are all types of personalities in there, some very warm open people, and there is the good old smattering of snobs in there too.

There are people from all walks of life who can get beyond that, by getting to know me as a person without making those reflexive assessments of me. And those are the people who I've got to share some really cool times with, and have some really great friendships. I really try to extend that same to others.

I have seen you write quite a lot on outward indicators that you think would tell you if a woman might be compatible with you or not. Things like her being more representative of a certain class; the alterna or hipster type persona. But I think that is SO limiting. Because what if your match is someone who isn't any of that at all - yet she can talk with you about those things which deeply matter to you?

I think it helps a lot to give up the comforting idea that you are misunderstood; because frankly, everyone out there is by someone. And it just comes accross closed off when you are older than say, your early twenties. Just my opinion.

Also a lot of connecting takes that time that means sticking around in one spot for a little longer than a night here or there. You might get some connections that way, but a lot of times, it's seeing someone over a longer period of time that gives that sense of continuity and ground to start working with.

All of this to basically say I don't think there is anything wrong with you as a person, it's just regular old having some difficulties with making some deeper connections. And that is easy to relate to ; for a lot of people. It's not that there is something to curse in your DNA; your DNA is good.