"I'll call you" - what does it mean?

Hi, Thank you so much for your help in advance... I hope you can help me with my story here it goes:

I met a guy over a month ago and he liked me so much instantly saying I'm 'different' to any other girl he's dated before. In the beginning I was bit standoffish with him but then I ended up texting him and he called me back immediately and went on a date. It went well. We organised another date and I met his whole family at his niece's birthday party. He came over to my house and met my family too and things were going slowly but steady. After the last time I saw him which was almost three weeks ago at my house for dinner we gave each other a warm hug. I'm shy so he said he's ok with being patient with me. We haven't kissed or anything (it's too early) but we enjoy each other's company. Anyway, he's mentioned a couple of times that I caught him at a bad time cos this is the busiest time of the year for him with work. But he went from calling me every night (even if late) to not calling me at all and it's been like this for a week. I called him yesterday after he didn't respond to a text and he called me back immediately but he wasn't enthused to talk to me and at the end of the call he said: "I'll call you soon... I'll buzz you soon"... that's freaking me out a bit cos I know it's a sign of 'i'll call you don't call me'... I know I've only known him for just over a month but I'm bit sad and feel rejected. I think I may have said things to pissed him off like 'I'm thinking of leaving this city...' But I wouldn't if things progress nicely with him... I'm usually cool and know how to handle myself around men but I lose my mojo with this guy... I've shown him that I'm keen and a big mistake is that I avail myself to him though I've told him I had plans a couple of times... But why would he introduce me to his family twice and come over and ask to come over to see my family then say: "I'll call you soon?" I'm living my life normal, friends, shopping etc... but how long should I wait for him before I move on... But more importantly, What should I do to get him back? I like him I don't think he'll call me ... I'm 31 he's 34

Sounds like he's not that in to you. Call him and suggest a date. If he brushes you off you have your answer

People are often very enthusiastic on the first couple of meetings and then realise the other person isn't a match. It happens quite frequently

Don't let it get you down

That's just the way dating goes.

I would not initiate any more contact with him as he's given you signs that he's lost interest, unfortunately.

I agree with the above two posts. Call him and ask if he would like to get together. If he sounds apprehensive, take it as a sign he is either a) too immature to let a girl know how he feels, or b) or is just terrible at communication. Which arguably are one in the same.

Anyway, if he doesn't respond or can't give you a straight answer, move on. It's nothing personal against you. There's just another guy waiting for you out there.

Good luck.

This is the problem with those people who rush things and insta-relationship it. They are big on pronouncements from the get-go that don't make any sense like how special you are, how you aren't like anyone else, how they never felt this way blah-blah-blah when the blunt truth is they barely know you or even not at all outside of what you've said a time or two and how you look. And the whole rushing you to meet the famillies, the instant declarations of we're going to do this and we're going to do that are actually warning signs that you have someone who is fast-forwarding you through the relationship. It wasn't going slow and steady at all, you were being dropped into the point immediately that should have been reserved for a few more dates down the road at the very, very least.

The reason these are bad things is most people can't sustain that level of high interest or they're hooked on the high of the immediate getting to know you/early stages of dating. And once the newness wears off a little bit they're disappointed and/or their attention goes elsewhere and it's over before it really began. It creates a false sense of huge intimacy and something so grand that surely this is the one, but the fact is it's not a relationship that is building over time. Declarations about how special or different you are come after getting to know you on multiple dates and in real life if they're genuine.

Short answer, if it sounds too good to be true and it all happens too fast, almost out of the gate, it will usually not last. My guess is he's over the immediate rush and is now on to searching for the next rush or has decided he isn't all that into you after all. And is simply too unaware/cowardly to admit it. I would back off and start dating others again, you weren't really even in a relationship and as you can see the immediate spark for him now appears gone and he is no longer attentive. And this is before there's even been what, a second date? Yeah, time to move on, this one will not be able to sustain anything deep or lasting with you.

There isn't anything you said or did or could have said or did to change the outcome of this. People like him who rush into things from the get-go are usually addicts to the rush of endorphins an infatuation brings and chase it like a drug addict chases their high. It has nothing to do with you. Sorry.

It's hard to get a read on what's going on here. He must have saw some long term potential with you to bring you around his family, unless you are just very attractive and he was just showing you off like an arm charm. I could see him feeling a little impatient with the lack of physical expression, but then he wouldn't avoid potential dates unless you told him something like you wanted to wait until being married to become intimate. The only other thing I could see is maybe he feels like you don't have the potential to be passionate, not just sexually but in life in general. Are you passionate? Have you opened up enough for him to see that you are interesting? Sometimes if a guy agrees to take it slow, he is tempering his expectations and doesn't feel as pressured to make as much of an effort. That can feel like someone is not interested, but then again so can a lack of physical contact.

Thank you all for your wise advice... Do you think I should a) call him and explain myself b) do no contact for a week then send him a message of a memory of good date c) send him a message asking him to help me with something? ... Do you guys really think that "I'll call you soon" means I never wanna see you again?

BTW Kaiser your reply especially rocks! Yes I feel because he said he's happy to be patient sexually he's not making too much effort... I offered to give him massage and didn't hear from him so I called and apologized for the offer haha... He was like nooo don't it's all good etc... What can I do or say to spark interest in him? I was bit cold with him but he knows I'm shy unless he grabs me and kisses me I won't... Should I tell him to? Lol

It's ok to be shy and for some guys it's a turn on. The problem is it can at times come accross as indifferent or boring. Let him know you are into him. Next time you go out kiss him with some passion. It doesn't have to be wild to project desire. Right now he wants you, but probably isn't sure if you want him too. Guys generally have a hard time differentiating subtleties in women. A passionate kiss lets him know you are into him and also reaffirms his effort and intent with you. Step a little outside your comfort zone, that nervous, heart racing, anticipation can be such a chemistry boost if you embrace it. Call him and just let him know you've been thinking about him and want to see him.

Oh, and don't second guess yourself. That massage offer was exactly what he needed, that's why he didn't want you to apologize for it, because that's exactly what he needed to see.

Thank you so much Kaiser ... When do you think it's a good time to call him? He said "I'll call you soon" on Sunday over the phone and I don't want to come accross as deseperate... I agree with you I will show him more flirting and passion next time I see him but I need to get to see him first! that's the entire challenge now... What will make a guy want to meet up? what words Should I utter to instigate "I have to see her, I can't wait" instead of 'I'll see I'll call you ok?" ... Should I tell him 'I'd like to come over to your house?' Please Kaiser help me ... Can I offer him that massage one more time or is that done and dusted? He's a really nice guy but I think I'm pressing the wrong buttons here

Here's the simple truth. What makes a guy want to meet up with a particular woman he wants to date and get to know better (for purposes of the long term) is when he feels a spark or a potential spark and he is single and available to date. What is also true is that if a guy meets a woman he thinks is special he will not risk some other guy snapping her up by waiting around and not calling or being vague about when he plans to call.

(The same would be true if it were a woman in my example rather than a man).

I would not ask him out -ball is in his court and he seems to have lost interest. Unfortunately that can happen as someone else wrote -I agree.

Honestly I would say at the moment you may be better off doing something for him that is low key and thoughtful then wait for him to reach out to you. What is he into? As a guy, I have done things like send a girl and her friend to a spa treatment. This always worked out well for me, because it wasn't intrusive and also made her feel cared for in front of her friend. For some reason women can be competitive when it comes to that stuff. I'm not sure what the male equivalent is but you probably have an insight to what his hobbies are. It's even cooler if it's something that doesn't interest you, because it shows more thoughtfulness. If it's not at that point, just ask him out to a movie or something.

He's alot into hunting (which I love about him) and I've asked him I could come along hehehe... He loves fishing... He likes music.... He's good with his hands... I think the massage thing could've worked or still work? But really, WHEN should I call him (if at all) and please spoon feed me the words to say to him so that he would WANT to see me again... He's not big on texting though I prefer it especially in my circumstances now... plus, I don't want to appear too available or desperate! From a guy's point of view Kaiser, what is it that I can say or do to get him back? btw, I am attractive and I hope that's not the reason he's asked me to come to a family function

oh, and I bought him a book (children's book) by an author who has his exact name ... I told him about the book and I don't know!

Batya are you a guy or a girl? hehe...

Kaiser, If I sent him a text like this "I just had a life changing burger. Almost sexual!" ... would that instigate a response from him? At least I won't be forcing myself on him by asking him out, maybe then if he's got a bit of interest he'll ask about it or even maybe take me out for a burger?

I'm really sorry guys for bombarding you all with multiple messages at once but I feel confused and I want closure... he owes me that so that I know what I've done to make him lose interest

Noooooooooooooooooooooo Noooooooooooooooooo! I sent him that text about the burger and Now I want to kill myself! Noooooooooooo!!! Somebody please save me from myself I'm such an idiot! What do i do if he doesn't respond? but what do I do if he DOES? Aaargh!

Honestly you are sounding kind of desperate and as a guy that's a pretty big turnoff. You need to play it a lot smoother. You're trying way too hard.

If he doesn't respond there's your answer, etched in stone. As to your other question, I think the chances are slim to none. Either way, I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I wouldn't take it personally as not everyone is a match.

I agree with you all... if he doesn't answer it's done! Not desperate but I just wish he gave me closure or told me what's up that's all... Thanks anyway, life goes on

Ok Everyone, he DID respond to that text haha... but I'm not going to respond yet... I vent out here I don't show HIM desperation but I show it here unfortunately for all thank ...

My text: I just had a life changing burger. Almost sexual!

His text: Must've been a good burger!!

Kaiser please help:

Ok, I'm not gonna respond for few hours but what would be a great response to his?

I don't think you respond -he knows you're interested and interested in having sex with him. If he is interested then he will be in touch with you.

Yep, we ended up texting throughout the day sporadically... He knows I'm not going to have sex with him and that I'm not like that anyway, he asked me if he could call me and I said not too late (I don't accept phone calls after 9 pm from men regardless if he's working late) and he'll call me tomorrow... actually, we ended up having an intellectual conversation, I just grabbed his attention with the burger and intrigued his interest with things like his hobbies and connected the two... No sex from me, not for a while ... And he knows that already ... Thank you so much for your help and if I get stuck again I'll come back for advice on 'how to kill that man' hahah!

OK. I think you are sending very mixed messages - you don't accept calls from men after 9pm but you text him about sexual feelings? I think it's fine to send intriguing ,interesting texts but if your values are no casual sex then I would stop sending overtly sexual text messages especially when you haven't heard from him in awhile. No need to grab his attention that way -either he wants to see you or he doesn't. if he hasn't made a plan to see you assume he doesn't want to (although he might change his mind in the future of course).

Never mind.