Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: 1 month after no contact..

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    7

    1 month after no contact..

    I left my partner of 4 years (on and off) 1 month ago today. He finally gave me a blessing, told me he didn't want to see me no more, and that he didn't want to be with me no more... the reason why? I went out for a drink with my mother who was feeling at the time, really upset. You can read my previous threads on what he was like - controlling, didn't like me doing anything that only ME loved. It was always his decision, wherether that be what time we went bed, or what we did whenever we did something.

    In the first three years of our relationship, It was very physical, as well as emotional. But towards he became more and more emotional and verbally abusive. He would question everything, I would have to explain everything, in such detail...it was like walking on shards of glass 24/7. I work nights, he worked days so he was never really in the apartment from 9-5. I would probably spend all day sat at a window, smoking endlessly realising there is a world out there and I was spending my early twenties in a place with him full of arguements and boredom. I went to the doctors with anxiety and feeling fed up, he told me to 'Get your partner to support you, do things that you love' So I did....which meant he didn't like this. So after a couple of days out with my mum and trying to spend time with friends, and for once in the 4 years to start doing things I like again, He hated it, and realised I guess, that his control was wearing off....

    So he finished with me.

    I packed 2 bags of clothing and walked out, got in a taxi and came to my mums.

    It's been one month with absolutely NO! contact whatsoever, I blocked, deleted, erased everything, apart from his number is still in my calls log... and you know what, I haven't even once had the urge to call or text him. The 'old' me would have been round 349348 times over and tried to contact him 934239 times...then freak out because he didn't love me or he didn't want me anymore. But you know this time around I think my mind has won, and my heart give up.

    I tried EVERYTHING with him, to change, to improve, to blossom our relationship, I played by the book, went along with anything he wanted to do. Gave up friends and my social life for him. At least I can sit here and say that I really really did try before it ended.

    I just want to say to people who are currently dealing with anything like this. It will get better and you CAN leave your abusive or controlling partners.
    I'ts still early days for me, I think about him now and again and yeah, it makes me feel a little sad. But I'd rather start picking my life back up right now at the age of 24, rather than spend the next 10 years trying to improve him or fix him, I wouldnt win... Why waste my beautiful life on someone who just doesn't even care..

    He or she isn't the love of your life is you are reading this. They don't protect you, they don't support you, they don't treasure you. They are not the 'one' ........They are just slowly killing your soul. Your dreams, your wants and your life!

    Something has clicked inside of me this month, made me realise there is more to life than just one deluded horrible person I called a boyfriend.

    Please, if only for the sake of your sanity, Leave, and never look back. Only forwards, remain happy, has no regrets, let it be a learnt lesson and make you wiser. Much love.

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    6
    Gender
    Female
    You are so right in what you say. Anyone who makes your feel uncomfortable or asks you to push aside friends or family (that do you no harm) is not someone you want to live your life with. Life is about interactions with people and events. If you are held back by your partner, you are not living your life.

    And please, do not fall for anyone telling you they have changed. People do not change overnight and if they do, sadly the best way they change is by asking for forgiveness and nothing in return.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member kalikat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    so cal
    Posts
    264
    Gender
    Female
    So proud of you! I know how hard it can be (been there myself). And its not until you can silence his voice in your head that you can really start to see what a much better place your world will be without him. Stay strong - enjoy your new life.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,391
    Gender
    Female
    Terrific post! Keep writing, as it can help you to stay strong--and you never know who you might help with your experience.

    Head high, and big hug to your Mum.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    7
    Thank you guys. i hope it helps someone at least. - there is so much more to life than one person trying to hurt you.. yet there's a million other people willing to make you happy. leaving and accepting losses is hard. but spending all your life worrying, trying and getting knocked down for one person is even harder.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member turnera's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    2,616
    Good for you! Now educate yourself about abuse so you see the warning signs; we almost always keep picking the same partner unless we learn better. The best book is Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds Of Angry And Controlling Men, by Bancroft.

  8. #7
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    16,797
    Gender
    Female
    Well done.

    You Go Girl!


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •