Using Condoms .... Ugh.

Hey Guys - Several weeks ago I meet someone really amazing that I'm really compatible with. We're monogamous and things are going very well.

We started having sex recently and I've always worn condoms because she hasn't been on the pill for several years - A choice for personal reasons - (She's a bit of a health nut) - Mainly because she doesn't like the idea of going on/off it (in case she wanted kids in the near/far future). Plus her periods are no different when on or off the pill.

To be completely honest, I've never used condoms with anyone that I'm in a relationship with in years. The sex with her for me from an emotional standpoint is incredible, but the physical sensation is simply NOT the same with a condom. The smell of latex is a turn off, I feel more numb during, and takes me way longer to finish off. It's not a deal-breaker by any means, but I'm not as eager to have sex as I normally am.

Since we talk a lot during sex (it's all about the talk, right ladies?!) she often tells me how good it would feel me "completely naked inside".

I really do really really like this girl - We're very very open with a each other and I'd like to bring this up to her, but I know it's a touchy subject and I don't want her to think I'm not enjoying the sex part. I don't want to jeopardize anything.

(Guys) Do you feel the same way about using Condoms?

Should I still bring it up with her and gently persuade her back on the pill? I've really been thinking about doing so, and position it in a way that it's a more effective method of Birth Control than condoms.

Thanks All.

MF.

Nope. No bareback unless she is using bc.

And you have know her for WEEKS. So you both need to get tested.

She sounds like she is looking to hook you......what is her age?

There is the Pill, the IUD, etc. Bareback? No. No. No.

Since you only met her several weeks ago, you don't really know squat about her except that you have red hot chemistry. Don't even think about not using a condom even if she said that she is on bc.

Overall, I think maybe several months down the road when you are actually getting to know her better, then you can talk about that and basically discuss your future together, whether she'd be willing to go on the pill for x amount of time and then go off when you two want to have that child. But we are talking about you reached a point where you see that kind of a future with her for real and not just raging hormones and the high of someone new.

Kind of agree with mhowe that it sounds like she is trying to trap you with a whoopsie by talking about how good it would be if you'd take off the condom. If she were on bc, that's one thing, but since she is not.....ummm.......danger danger......beware. It's how you become a baby daddy whether you like it or not.

trying to trap you with a whoopsie by talking about how good it would be if you'd take off the condom

Woah woah woah .... Trying to "Hook"/"Trap Me??? LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

No No no ... This is just "in-the-moment" fantasy talk - Neither of us would EVER EVER do it without BC.

FYI - We're both early 30s ... However neither of us want kids anytime soon.

Everything Dancing Fool said......AND MORE!

I think maybe you could ask her about birth control and her reasons for not using it, but I wouldn't push her towards it. At the most, if her concerns are medical (fertility), you could find her some academic articles about if BC affects future fertility.

Hormonal birth control works wonderfully for many, many women, but for some of us, it had really unpleasant side effects. Despite trying several pills, for instance, I was an emotional wreck on hormonal birth control. I decided I wanted to stay away from it for my own (emotional) health. The options sound endless for women and birth control, but the truth is, almost all forms of BC are hormonal (the shot, the pill, one of the IUDs, the NuvaRing, the patch). The other (copper IUD) is a piece of metal and plastic implanted in your body which can have side effects of its own.

I am totally in favor of birth control, hormonal or otherwise, but I wouldn't try to convince her to use a type of BC that she has had bad experiences with (again, you may present her with scientific articles if her concerns are on that front, but even then, it's ultimately her choice). It sucks to have to use a condom, but I think that's just the way it is.

 

FYI - We're both early 30s ... However neither of us want kids anytime soon.

You might not be, but if you think that a woman in her early 30's in not heavily thinking about kids right now, you are fooling yourself. She doesn't have years left. It's on her mind very much, not that she will tell you that directly for fear of scaring you off.

It's worth bringing it up to her and see what she thinks. However if she wants to stay off the Pill and other methods you are stuck with condoms. It sucks, I'm sorry. I strongly dislike condoms myself in a relationship.

Is there maybe a better condom you can use? I don't know if they make nitrile ones or something. Something with less of a smell?

well, i hope the male birth control pill comes out soon!!

have you both been tested for STDs? what about the female condom or an IUD. I would not risk getting this woman pregnant or getting an STD from her.

You can try a female condom. I think they are better feeling than a traditional male condom. However, they are a little tricky and I wouldn't feel comfortable using them without another form of BC...

When you're not having sex, just say something like think how amazing it would be if we could really feel eachother, or you could try another method, make out a friend of yours had an accident recenetly with a condom and you're really worried incase it happens to you both?

Even birth control pills are not 100 % effective. There is always that chance of getting pregnant .I would be okay going bare back unless I can see myself having kids with that person and I was okay with the possibilty of pregnancy.Unless if you are ready to be a daddy then keep the condom on.You will hate a baby even more.

Also you only known her for few weeks so its not wise to drop the condoms.You should get tested for stds before you even think about going bare.

Remember to respect the effectiveness window. You will still need to use condoms for a while even after starting birth control, if you don't want to risk pregnancy.

Thanks everyone for chiming in.

The pregnancy and STDs thing is not so much of a concern as we've both been tested and there's always going to be that tiny tiny risk whether you're on the pill or using condoms.

My question was more along the lines of how should I approach her with it ... Should be completely honest, approach her but be very gentle about it, or leave it alone ...

Also curious how it is for other guys going back to condoms ...

I find it a little incongruous and teasing for her to be talking like that about how great it would be without while in the heat of the moment, yet making it pretty clear she is not offering up alternatives so that is a possibility at all.

As someone who bc is a non negotiable for (only condoms), for my own health and personal reasons, I think if she has expressed those as her reasons then you won't make headway by using "it's a more reliable form of birth control" argument.

I'm a woman, so I dont know how it feels for a man, but I'm pretty confident here NO ONE would prefer to use condoms over not. It's more a matter of proffering the condoms over the other options and risks of going without.

I think since she is making a habit of bringing it up in bed, it's fair to bring it up with her and ask her if it is on the table at all to discuss or not. And if it's not ; maybe politely let her know that it is teasing you into thinking there is a chance of changing out the condoms when she keeps bringing it up in bed.

OP, I think you should try experimenting with various different types of condoms. Some advertise more sensitivity and sheerness. Also you can put a little lube in the condom for more sensation.

I'm not a guy but my ex complained that he felt so little wearing condoms, he'd rather not have sex. I talked to a couple of guy friends about that and they said it's a bunch of crap, that even though yes, you feel less, you can still get enough sensation to fully enjoy it. You get used to it.

I understand her not wanting to be on the pill -- it causes a lot of problems for some women. Someone who sees artificially tampering with their hormones as undesirable is not going to change course on that, most likely. Perhaps she would consider an IUD, though. I certainly think you should give it some time getting used to the condoms, though, first. I think it would be a good idea to tell her how the condoms are difficult for you (that's not a personal comment against her), and that you need to experiment with different types. So she knows you're trying first (maybe even help research/suggest) and is aware of the issue so later you can trouble-shoot together. If you can't do this together, I'd say that doesn't sound very intimate.

This sounds like a job for Bill Gates...

It's all good ... Without me bringing it up, she said she was making a bigger deal than it is ...

Seeing her Doc next week to go on the pill.

Life is good.

OP, I think you should try experimenting with various different types of condoms. Some advertise more sensitivity and sheerness. Also you can put a little lube in the condom for more sensation.

Yup. I have done this in the past, and it makes condoms SOMEWHAT bearable.

But OP, I feel your pain. Condoms suck big time. They almost ruin sex lol.

OP, I think you should try experimenting with various different types of condoms. Some advertise more sensitivity and sheerness. Also you can put a little lube in the condom for more sensation..

This helps a little. You have to do what you need to do to protect each other. I know it sucks wearing a condom is like wearing a rain coat to take a shower.

My first two children were conceived with my wife on the pill. And no she didn't forget to take them. Just doesn't work for some, but you won't know that till she's pregnant. I say now, condom and the pill if you really don't want pregnancy

It's all good ... Without me bringing it up, she said she was making a bigger deal than it is ...

Seeing her Doc next week to go on the pill.

Life is good.

Does that mean you are ditching the condoms??

I don't know....seems others brought up some good points to take into consideration before rushing into that. If you want to be careful.

Does that mean you are ditching the condoms??

Ummmm ... Yes.

Why would we use condoms on the pill?

Ummmm ... Yes.

Why would we use condoms on the pill?

See above. And I'm not the only one I know it's happened to.

See above. And I'm not the only one I know it's happened to.

So According to this logic ... Everybody should use condoms unless they're trying to conceive.

Right.

Keep in mind, I always always withdraw when I'm bare. The probably of getting pregnant and using the pill carefully, is virtually slim to none.