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Thread: My boyfriend touches me in my sleep

  1. #11
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    Why are you still with this guy? He knows he can cry and you'll forgive him each time. Disturbing..

  2. #12
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    A boundary is a boundary I guess? I do find the reaction pretty extreme assuming that you are a couple and sexual and everything. I'm not talk about the time when he was on top of you, but the last time of simply having your hands on himself. If this is a landmine event he needs to be told of that I suppose. A year and a half together is getting to be a fairly long time and consent does become more subtle. I guess I'm just trying to figure out the locking in the bathroom and crying uncontrollably, I find it so bizarre.

  3. #13
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    I am going to be very blunt here. You say no, you cry, and yet he keeps doing it. No means no and yet he waits until you can't say no and then he helps himself to your body. And yet in spite of his crying and telling you he's ashamed the fact is he chooses his own sexual needs over respecting you. Alcohol is either just a cover--i.e. I was drunk, so I'm not responsible or it's just that it lowers his inhibitions, but regardless he is forcing himself on you at your most vulnerable and your tears and telling him no don't make any difference. He does it anyways.

    Sex between consenting adults is one thing, but what you describe here is not consensual. I'm really disturbed by what you describe. You should be too.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member jjkk's Avatar
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    Are you sure he isn't doing this at least partially asleep and not even totally realizing what he's doing? It happens.

    I totally agree w/ lukeb, the on top having sex might make some people upset for sure but I find it way dramatic to be in the bathroom sobbing because you woke up w/ your hands on your bf of 1 1/2 years penis. How do you know he put them there? Maybe you grabbed his junk in your sleep. It makes me wonder what else is going on to provoke such an extreme reaction.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member superfan's Avatar
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    This isn't just "disrespecting a boundary", this is RAPE. You woke up with him on top of you having sex with you? That is rape. You did not give consent, and you were very clear in the times preceding that, that you did not wish to be violated in your sleep. He ignored those wishes and raped you.

    You need to leave NOW. This is not healthy and he won't stop. The amount he has had to drink is irrelevant.

    If you feel comfortable with it, I would report it to the police. I can understand if you don't feel comfortable doing that, but know that if he has no problem doing it to you, he WILL do it others as well.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member faraday's Avatar
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    I'm with misssmith. Every guy I've been with has had consent to "wake me up ". I think it's super hot. My current bf is a really deep sleeper, but his penis isn't, and he's given me consent to "use" him (he wakes up after a minute or two). But if it ever wasn't okay....it just wouldn't happen. It's a total violation. He doesn't respect you. This is not going to change. If you stay with him, this will happen again...he just "doesn't get it" (I wouldn't either...but I wouldn't stay with someone if we didn't sync like that). It's time to end things with him and find a more compatible partner.

    Why does it bother you so much though? I mean...I get the sex thing when you had said no...but why no to the groping? You're in a committed relationship...cuddling...hands going everywhere...waking up to oral....that's the fun stuff. How is intimacy between you two otherwise? Is it a normal sexual relationship or is sex in general a hang up for you?

    There's no judgement in this post btw, I'm just trying to understand.


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  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by faraday
    I'm with misssmith. Every guy I've been with has had consent to "wake me up ". I think it's super hot. My current bf is a really deep sleeper, but his penis isn't, and he's given me consent to "use" him (he wakes up after a minute or two).
    This made me chuckle Glad it works out for you guys.

    I've never had sleep sex, but I have had sleepy sex (middle of the night/early morning sexy times) initiated by my SO. I've found it nice.


    Originally Posted by faraday
    This is not going to change. If you stay with him, this will happen again...he just "doesn't get it" (I wouldn't either...but I wouldn't stay with someone if we didn't sync like that). It's time to end things with him and find a more compatible partner.
    Exactly, this is so important! Compatibility is much more than liking the same tv shows and music..

    Views on sex, relationships, friendships is important.

    Originally Posted by faraday
    Why does it bother you so much though? I mean...I get the sex thing when you had said no...but why no to the groping? You're in a committed relationship...cuddling...hands going everywhere...waking up to oral....that's the fun stuff. How is intimacy between you two otherwise? Is it a normal sexual relationship or is sex in general a hang up for you?

    There's no judgement in this post btw, I'm just trying to understand.
    These are good questions, OP. No judgement here as well.

  9. #18
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    Would you have a problem if instead of doing this, he just went and satisfied himself to porn?

  10. #19
    My previous relationship was an abusing one. I was lied too constantly and he dealt drugs behind my back. It ended in the worst way possible and after that I was a total wreck. My current boyfriend totally lifted me up after that and I finally learned to trust someone again. I literally have no other problems with him, cam't fault him at all. So, I forgave him. But after having it done again, that was why I cried so much. I was emotional before but I never really cried like I had and it just really made me feel horrible. I was promised to that it would never happen again, after what was basically said - borderline rape - so I just wanted to clear up why I reacted the way I did. I just felt like I'm a sexual object and he has no respect for me at all.

  11. #20
    Thanks for the advice. It felt so horrible not being able to tell someone. But I'm dealing with it right now.

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