a little love story about two girls

I have had my best friend for eighteen years and we met a couple days before school started one year through another girl named Lindsey. Linsey was my first kiss and just a few days later Madeline was my second kiss (busy summer-lol). Madeline was always the most popular girl in school because she is a stunning beauty. It is almost unnatural just how beautiful she is and she is also a beautiful person on the inside. She has always been the aggressor in relationships and I’ve always lived vicariously through her as I am submissive in relationships. I shied away from a relationship with Madeline because I was afraid to get hurt and afraid to have have that played out on a stage at school where I was already being picked on.

Just before we started college she confided in me that she had held resentment for me for that rejection for all of that time. We worked through that and remained best friends. Many years have passed and we’ve both had many relationships, hers all with guys and mine with guys and girls. She has held me and let me cry in her arms countless times and always reassured me everything would be okay and I have never felt the love and warmth that I feel when I am that close to her. I haven’t really got to return that favor because she is just a strong person and doesn’t need much of that. She calls me Little Girl when it’s just us, usually in texts or e-mails and it always makes me smile. I suppose because that is what I want to be.

I’ve been talking about all of this with another friend and have just come to realize that I have loved her all of this time. For some reason I just would not look at it, and looking back it seems so strange to not have seen it. So I wrote her a little love note today and this is what it says;

Madeline, I’m not going to send this but I’m going to write it anyway. It is a love note to you from me. For all of these years that you and I have been friends I have always been proud to be your best friend. I almost always have wanted people to wonder if we were a couple, and I’ve always watched you live your life of crazy adventure with joy, and I’ve lived vicariously through you from day one. I love your confidence and you’ve always made me feel safe and special to you. I have cherished every single time that you held me or let me lay my head in your lap while you comfort me. And for 18 years I’ve wished that I wouldn’t have chickened out after that one kiss…