!!!!!

This mainly just a rant, but any input is welcome.

I JUST CANNOT HELP MYSELF.

I should be taking this time to heal and move on, like I keep intending to. But somehow I always end up back at the same point.

3 attempts at no contact and all failed.

I'm weak when it comes to him. He's my first love. Even broken up I picture my life with him. I just can't imagine being with anyone else.

The thing is, and I know everyone will say I'm making it up in my head. But I really believe he still has feelings. When we sleep together, I feel the same connection again of what we had... when it first started again there was no connection. When we're together there's still energy. We used to do this thing, were if one was accross the room the other would sort of whisper loudly the others name... then when the other turns around to face them the other would say ''I love you'' ... and he did the same thing yesterday! He went to say 'I love you' but the had to stop himself and say something else! I COULD TELL HE WAS GOING TO SAY IT, it was right on the edge of his lips.

I was with this guy for 2 years we've been friends for 6 years I know what he is like. I know how he behaves, I know how he acts.

I don't understand why he keeps saying he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me.

I find it hard to understand why I was so terrible to be his girlfriend, but each time I back off he tells me how much he wants us to be friends.

I'm still the same person. So why is it so different! Every time I ask him this he never gives me an answer.

I keep thinking if I hang out with him and sleep with him - then he'd realise and we'd end up together again. (This is how we got back together before)

At the same time I feel me sticking around is giving him everything he needs without the commitment!

Ooooo. I just want to cry everywhere all the time.

The worse part of this is his close friend from uni (Who is a girl) is coming to stay with him THIS WEEKEND.

It feels like such a betrayal, I felt like I was friends with this girl, I trusted them and how close they were through our entire relationship and now... like... what if something happens? Something is likely to happen he's a guy for gods sake! I can't take the screaming thoughts in my head. The images. I don't know how I'll get past this weekend

He says nothing will happen, and on the short end he's ruined so many friendships through relationships and sex I can believe that.

I just can't trust it.

I don't know what to do.

I can't keep on like this. But I'm finding it so hard let go

Come on, you know you are not doing this right.

You cannot keep having sex with him, this will lead you absolutely nowhere. Remember when I told you that quote If you're going through hell, keep going? Well you are just taking one step forward and then another one backward.

I read your first thread here to see what happened.

- Your ex boyfriend seems to be a bit unstable and has no idea what he wants for his life.

- It seems to me you are both around your early 20's since you mentioned university? So I really believe that he might have freak out about the pregnancy and the image of a future with you forever.

He is being evil by not telling you that there won't be a future of you two together and keeping plying with you and giving you hope. Sweetie, there won't be one, not a stable one.

I know you are very fragile and alone and depressed and this is only making things more difficult.

I spent six years of my life going forward and backwards and breaking up and getting back together with the same man and I wasted these years of my life because of this. Everyone would tell me that this was going nowhere and I was the only one who didn't want to see it when it was obvious.

Your story here, is one of the few on ENA where I am 100% sure that you don't have a way to be happy togehter on the long term.

I don't know how you can let go of him and be strong and say no to his presence in your life because I know I didn't do it back then when it was me and my ex, I didn't have the strenght either. But I am sure that if you do it, you will find another person for you, there are more men in this world that are able to make you happy, you just haven't met one yet.

I think it is possible that this friend really is just a friend and that nothing sexual will happen. Most men do not sleep with their friends, even if they are attractive.

However, whether he sleeps with her or not is largely irrelevant. Take him at his word when he says he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Do not offer him sex on tap. You are giving him what he wants without him giving you what you need. You may feel a "connection" but the only connection he's making is on a purely physical level. He's probably willing to sleep with you because he still finds you physically attractive.

Sorry, cut off contact, it is over. He has left you emotionally and he is not the man he was when you were together.

It's time to start the recovery process and I wish you the luck and courage to do it.

Take care.

I know, what's worse is giving in really makes me hate myself

It's just the attention and companionship of just a few hours really makes me feel normal for a bit.

I want to move on. I've met a few people who have showed interest. They just aren't him so I push them away

Everyone's advice on here is always right on the head, but I convince myself I know better and do what I came on here to get advice about anyway. I feel on self destruct. If I can't have him - the one person that kept me from feeling like this. Then I might as well give up.

How long will this carry on for? I cannot take it much longer

The thought of him moving on first breaks me.

I just want it to be over.

Thank you.

It's nice to get a mans perspective sometimes - it makes it easier to see.

He defiantly not the man he was, I find him sometimes quite repulsive and that I don't actually like him very much and more... But I still can't keep from hanging on there. Odd right?

I am very tempted to really follow through with all this advice now.

Right now I am going back and forth from his Facebook page trying to find the courage to block him.

Why can't I do this?

No, you may not give up.

I understand, you only feel happy when you are with him. But you know that this is not a healthy way of living: being only happy when with a partner. Your life cannot depend on his presence. You have to find your own resources to deal with life without him. Look around you, I am sure you have lots of people around you who are single and yet happy.

Now you think there is no sense in continue living because of a man? Oh no, this is very wrong. If you stay away from him, this won't matter to you anymore in some months.

I advise you to stay in the waiting list for a therapist and to go to your doctor again because you are very down and I think anti depressants will help you until you get proper help.

And don't forget what I wrote on the PM I sent you.

Now you think there is no sense in continue living because of a man? Oh no, this is very wrong.

I'm not that pathetic! lol. I didn't mean I can't continue living without him! There are other problems behind those thoughts

Everyone around me is in a relationship, I think that is partly why I feel so lonely.

I think I will really just go through with what you and everyone else has been telling me all along. To cut off from him. He will not have his cake and eat it any longer. It's a take it or leave it situation for him now.

All he's doing is creating stress on top of more stress, I realize now, crying at work reading all this.

I will go on without him!

And don't forget what I wrote on the PM I sent you.

And i have not forgotten! I will defiantly keep your invitation open

You need to go NC 100%. As hard as it is, you need to do it. For your own sanity.

As harsh as this might sound, it doesnt matter if YOU feel the connection.. he doesnt. You may feel that you are meant to be together... he doesnt. It's time to start accepting that!

You can beg and plead and allow him to use you if you want, but you're taking yourself down to a low that is almost as equal to a prostatute (again no offence) except he doesnt pay you, you're just handing it to him. You NEED to start doing the right thing for you and what is best for you or you are going to end up insane and looking like a complete crazy person.

You need to delete and block everything and anything that is his in regards to social media and communication. You need to get rid of everything and anything that he ever gave to you, pictures youmight have.

It's going to be hard ya, extremely hard at first but once you are 100% NC for 30days, you will start to feel better. Go make friends in Uni, go to parties, go have fun!! Throw yourself in a hobbie or your studies to distract you.. You need to start healing, otherwise you're going to allow him to ruin your self esteem and self worth if you dont start trying standing on your on two feet and allow his control over you die.

I have just sent him a goodbye message. Feel full of regret already, but I'm not going to go back now!

Thank you

"each time I back off he tells me how much he wants us to be friends."

-He's wanting to be friends.. because of this...

>> "When we sleep together, I feel the same connection again of what we had"

He doesn't want to be involved with you anymore, but sure.. the sex is okay. Ex sex means nothing. YOU just have to realize this. It's like using you to get over you.

You cannot be 'friends' with an ex until those 'feelings' are gone.

"I just want to cry everywhere all the time."

- Yes, because you keep reaching out to him.. but you're NOT together anymore. You can't let go.. but you have to.

It takes much inner strength.

You WILL keep hurting the longer you keep all of this up.

In order to start working on accepting the facts and working on your healing, you have to STOP everything.

No contact. Nothing, anymore.

deadmareish, first off I am happy to hear you sent him a goodbye message! Now stick to it and don't go back.

Second, re your comment in your initial post.

>>I keep thinking if I hang out with him and sleep with him - then he'd realise and we'd end up together again...

Actually, you got it backwards. When a man breaks up with you...it's when you STOP having anything to do with him (i.e. hanging out with him and/or sleeping with him, talking to him)...that he "might" realize how much he loves you. That means you must STOP any and all forms of contact (phone, text, email) and please for the love of all things good, NEVER EVER have sex with a man who broke up with you. NEVER!

IF (and that's a big IF) he has any feelings for you at all that he has not realized yet, once you're gone FOR GOOD, which again means stopping all forms of contact, he will start to miss you. He will begin to feel the loss of you... and THAT is when he MIGHT start to realize how much he loves you. But this is only true when he's confused about his feelings. If he broke up with you because he's SURE you're not for him, then staying away might not have much effect on him at all. Neither would continuing to see him or having sex with him.

So seriously, you must go no contact and NOT have anything to do with him. Do this for you, NOT because it's some strategy hoping he will miss you and want you back. Like MisUndertood said, after awhile you will start disconnecting from him. Time is your friend here.

Also something to think about. Don't think you are scoring points by continuing to be his friend, hanging out and having sex with him. Not to make you feel worse than you do already, but I feel beholden to tell you this. By behaving that way with him, he actually loses respect for you. You're not gaining points. It actually confirms for him that he made the right decision by ending it with you. Because in his mind he's thinking... what type of girl would continue to fall all over me and have sex with me after I just dumped her? Only a woman with so little self-respect would do this. And what man wants a woman with no self-respect? So PLEASE stop doing that, go no contact, and have nothing more to do with him. PLEASE....

I have just sent him a goodbye message. Feel full of regret already, but I'm not going to go back now!

Thank you

 

Well done!!!