I'm with a heavy drug user?

Okay, so all other issues aside...I'm with the same guy we've been together 4 months now. In case you don't know...I'm 18, he's 26...he treats me so well and gives me everything I could ever ask for and more. I am in love with him. You may judge, and say that's not enough time to love someone...but I am a firm believer that time is not a measure of quality, infatuation, nor of love. Anyways! Yeah...so to the point...him and I met on this little app like meet me and when we started talking he didn't necessarily lie but he withheld the full truth, he asked me how I felt about drugs since some of his friends were into drugs, and before him I never touched drugs at all or ever wanted to do them, besides weed once. But yeah..... All he told me was that he takes adderall to focus, and me being completely clueless to drugs I was like is that? Looked it up and was like oh maybe he has a prescription? Ok cool....never once mentioned cocaine. Until a month into talking we were hanging out late til morning and he had to go into work....he then started to put a line right in front of me I asked him what it was and he said it was a mixture of adderall and coke. Since my reaction was so subtle I think he took advantage of that then just openly snorted coke in front of me more. I am so young and obv never been in a situation like this so I didn't know exactly what to say or do. I am not the type to judge so I didn't know what to say without it seeming that way.... but I love this man, he's the only guy that's ever treated me like a princess. I just care about him so deeply and know that he is better than drugs....I wish I could identify drugs because I'm pretty sure it's cocaine but I snuck into his closet and looked into his secret box at what kind of looked like crystals but idk what raw cocaine looks like. He jokes about meth quite a bit. I hope to god he's not on that. I don't know if he would tell me though because he saw my reaction when he joked about taking meth. I'm noticing changes in his behavior as well, he was excited to see me when I got back from Colorado and everything, we had sex, but we haven't been having sex as often as we used to.... I read withdrawals are really bad, and this could be a symptom and unless he's high nothing is the same.... I have been unemployed for some time now and we were talking about this job I might get, I was suppose to have an interview but haven't been contacted regarding it, so he told me to call and I was like why, and he snapped at me like I've only heard him do once...... I wanted to cry. He apologized, but still...it's not like him. He was "randomly" selected at his work for a drug test and we rushed to the smoke shop to get instant cleanse. And he says he's feeling really great. I want to tell him okay this could be a new beginning will you stop? I just wanna know y'all's thoughts! Would you be with someone like this if literally everything was perfect except the drug use? I'm not going to just leave him, I want to help him..

No judgement from me on the age gap. The issue here is the drug addiction. A drug addict CANNOT be a healthy relationship. Their relationship is with the drug and it will always take priority over you. He will satisfy his needs by use of the drug over and above any need you will have.

You cannot "help" him with this. He needs to decide for himself that he wants help and is willing to do whatever it takes to break the addiction. If he does this then you can be supportive of him, stand by him, go with him to treatment/AA meetings, or whatever. But HE has to do the work. You cannot love him out of this.

You mention everything is perfect except for the drug use. That alone is a huge, huge issue. I know you are young and haven't seen anything like this before. But things are going to get much much worse for you. He must decide he's going to get clean or the relationship is doomed.

This "princess" treatment will end soon, I promise. You've only known him 4 months and you're still in the honeymoon phase. Remember when he snapped at you for asking him a question? That is a taste of what it is to come. You've only seen the very, very tiny tip of the iceberg here.

No I wouldn't, because everything is not perfect if he is addicted to drugs!

I've never been with an addict not dabbled with anything other than MJ in my life, so I don't know what this is like but there are former addicts here that I hope see this thread and are able to offer you more tailored insight.

You don't know who he is because you don't know when you're seeing him on drugs and when you're not. You can't help a person who doesn't want to be helped, and besides that it is not your job to spare him. You are so young, please don't let this be your reference point for future relationships. You aren't going to be a happy girl.

It could be coke or meth. Each are very dangerous and destructive drugs, serious stimulant drugs that will ruin his life and yours if he continues with them.

He probably is anxious for you to get a job so that you'll have money to buy him more drugs. And if he's at a job that does random tests, he will eventually get caught and fired, then you'll be supporting a drug addict while he spends your paycheck buying drugs while you two live in poverty because all the money is going to support his habit, which is a very common scenario for how things end up for partners of drug addicts.

Please please please do not try these drugs or let him convince you to do so. It is a horrible life, and both coke and meth are very dangerous to both your life and health. If he starts to do drugs around you, just walk out the door instantly. And you really don't want to have the risk of getting arrested while he is carrying drugs, has them in his house, or is asking you to carry them for him.

And my only comment on the age difference is he may be seeking much younger girls because they are naïve and will put up with a lot of crap from them in the name of 'love', whereas a girl his own age would see the drugs and tell him to stop lying to her, and that he either stops the drugs right now or she's gone because she has no intention of living with a drug addict or letting drugs ruin their lives. You're young so easier to manipulate and pull the wool over your eyes into allowing and accepting this behavior, and in future when you have a job giving him money or a place to live while he chases his addiction.

You need to have a zero tolerance policy towards drugs. As in, he stops completely, or you're gone. Sadly, drug addicts frequently love their drugs more than they love anything else in the world, so odds are good he won't quit, and you need to find yourself a normal man and not a drug addict.

By all means stay with the drug user then you can watch the man you love either get killed because of drugs, die from an overdose, or land in prison because of them.

Honestly, if you love him, if you love yourself you will leave. 4 months in, it will hurt, but not as much as it will if you leave it.

As long as he's on drugs, he's not available to be with you properly.

Addiction is too big to be treated as a "perfect, but..." scenario.

btw, if he told you he was on Adderall, and it is a powder he is snorting, I would say odds are very good that it is meth, because raw cocaine pure enough to snort is extremely expensive and meth is not. Meth is a horrid drug that totally ruins life and health in very short order. And most people who aren't either wealthy or in a very good job (or who are drug dealers themselves) can't afford coke very often at all, so if he is a regular user, it is probably meth.

Google 'meth mouth' and take a look at how your BF will look in a few years if he keeps it up. And read this:

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He probably used the excuse that he is on Adderall, which is a stimulant very close in activity to meth. So he was trying to explain what was going on with him by using a socially acceptable drug one might get from a doctor (or the street), whereas meth is a more likely culprit and a HORRIBLE drug that destroys the person's body within a few years because of the impurities used to manufacture the drug. So he's probably a meth head, and disguising that because unless he is stupid, he knows how socially unacceptable that is and how badly people view that drug and meth heads in general.

I used to date a few users simply for the free stuff.

They tend to be generous because they're living in this (unreal) glam world revolving around bar tabs, shoes, and purses.

The lifestyle is fun, too, as long as you truly realize this relationship will go nowhere.

You're just going to have a lot of late nights and think its so exciting, but you'll eventually grow out of it.

You're young, he's not so much.

These types of people are only good for phase type relationships.

He may eventually change, but I doubt you'll be the inspiration.

Typical to drug users, he'll probably flip and decide he doesn't want to be with you in a month or two, lol.

4 months isn't that long.

I should tell you to leave him, but I remember how much fun I had so I'd be a hypocrite.

The above poster is right in that they seek young girls.

Why?

Because he's living the life of an 18 year old, lol.

I became friends with a guy who was in rehab for years of drug use and drug dealing. He seemed really sweet, and we were all supporting him and telling how proud we were of him. Then he got into a car accident. He had been high as a kite. Turns out he'd been using for months, and dealing, and had been lying to all of us (the morning of the accident, 12+ hours before it happened, he seemed weird and we asked if he'd been using, he accused us all of being horrible for doubting him).

My point is, drug addicts are users and manipulators and you just can not be in a functioning relationship with one. This guy had such a history of lying and manipulating his girlfriends, and eventually using them. You will always come after their high, and they'll do anything to get it, even things destructive to you. Don't put yourself through this.

Only 4 very short months and already a very very serious issue. When there are serious drugs being used such as cocaine, then the relationship is far from perfect. This should be a huge red warning flag to YOU of what is to come. Just be aware that if the cops ever get a hold of him for drug related offences, YOU could get locked up too by mere association. You really don't want to go down this road. Drugs will always be his #1 priority.

Only 4 months? Should be easy enough to cut your losses at this early point.

Dear sweet young and naive one...I understand that you want to be the one to change him, make his life better, and have that perfect family life, but I am sorry to say that you cant change him. I am saying this because I have been there...in the same exact position as you. He treats you like a princess because this relationship is still new, but trust me the drugs control his life and at the end of the day that is all that is important. If you want to save yourself wasted time, tears, money, and heartache realize that you are better than this and find someone on your level. I understand fully that you probably will stay with him because nothing anyone tells you will matter but at least I can stay that I tried to reach out to save you from a road that I went down myself and after all the stolen money and pawned belongings he took, lies and stuff he did behind my back, and wasted years I can only hope you dont make the same mistake. Good luck ♥

You all seem to think its just easy to leave someone you are truly in love with. I was done REALLY wrong by my ex, and I know what men are capable of. Hes so sweet, caring, attentive, and everything you think you'll never find in a man. Like honestly you wouldn't know hes a drug user, he acts normal most of the time, like he manages it. He is not a bad guy, hes funny, sweet, a perfect boyfriend and he makes me so happy. He is my lover, and my best friend. I don't have any friends anymore, I am going through a lot and hes the only person that is there for me right now. And you all saying how hes going to steal my money or hes mad I didn't call the job so he could have drug money couldn't be more wrong! Hes never once used any money from me, he has a pretty decent job, and he is well off..I know it wont get to that point. I get that I am young, but I keep striking out and I know I am not going to find someone that wants me as much as I want them, someone that appreciates EVERY single thing about me as I am! This will not happen again. I thought guys like him never existed. I used to go after guys who were good looking, who were douchebags! He is the only person I have ever been so attracted too, but is actually a good man! He seems to think I am out of his league but no hes beautiful.

We just look so perfect together.

Of course it's not easy to leave someone you love! The reality is it's also not easy to be in a relationship w/ an addict. As another poster said, this honeymoon phase won't last forever. The darkness of his addiction will eventually show itself. It could be in being flaky, getting mean, cheating, getting busted and going to jail, losing jobs, getting killed either from using, depression around using, or being in bad and dangerous situations, etc. It's a path that leads to no good.

You could find a time when it feels like he'd be receptive and bring up your concern about his drug use and ask if he's interested in getting help. That's about it. Most likely he'll deny he has a problem.

You can choose to leave now and feel the pain or choose to stay w/ him and watch a horror show unfold before your eyes and feel the ongoing pain of being w/ someone who is an addict. It could take months before things start to unfold but I promise you they will. I'm speaking as a recovering addict and also someone who's been in relationships w/ using addicts. It's not pretty and eventually the ugliness will come out.

I'm sorry and I know it's a crappy situation for you to be in. You didn't plan on falling in love w/ an addict. You didn't ask for this but either way you'll have to deal with the pain of this reality.

I hate to tell you this honey but you don't look perfect together. You look fresh faced and sweet, and he looks haggard, burnt out, and totally stoned in that picture. He doesn't look 26, he looks 40, which is common for meth heads or coke addicts, to age at two or 3 times the normal rate due to the negative effects of the drugs on their bodies. You look like a total mismatch, and you look like his daughter rather than his GF.

I know you don't want to hear that, but it's all in that picture. And it's clear that you're going to go down that road with him, so you will learn the hard way what it means to be with an addict who is using and refuses to quit. It's all downhill from here.

Ick, he looks way older than 26. He looks like he's totally stoned/wasted. He doesn't look fun, he looks like a loser. You look great, like a sweet, nice girl.

He won't have a "nice job" for long, I can promise you. Remember you had to take him to get stuff so he could pass a drug test? Sorry to tell you but with hard drugs like that it's a matter of time before a user ends up dea or in jail.

You can't use this stuff recreationally.

You're 18. Seriously, you don't have to settle. You're JUST starting your life. Don't think that you're somehow "old" by now and are just settling for the first loser who treats you right. Many women have done that and have wasted many years with LOSERS.

We just look so perfect together.

I hate to burst your bubble, but no you don't. You look gorgeous and he looks....high as a kite. And not in a good way.

I've been where you are. One of the men I loved the most in my life turned out to be an addict and alcoholic. Something he managed to hide from me for a year, because we were long distance. Then when I moved in with him the truth came out. And at first it was still cool you know? He was sweet, the sex was great, he said the right things. And then the temper started to come out of nowhere, followed by an incident where a $100 check I mailed off never made it to the mailbox and was cashed at his bank, followed by the weapons cache I stumbled on in his bedroom closet with the casual comment that he might owe some people some money and sometimes they got nasty about collecting it. The night he came home high as b***ls is the night I packed my bags while he was passed out on the bed and I called a cab, ran to the airport and was out of his life.

And as much as that hurt I have always known that staying with him would hurt far, far worse. And if you found crystals they're likely meth, cocaine is in a powder form unless it's freebasing crystals. Yes, I know something about that world. Also there was the formerly sweet ex who was dealing heroin out of my house behind my back. That relationship did not end well either, which is why I fled when I found myself in a similar situation again. You cannot love an addict's addiction away. If you could every mother, father, brother, sister, best friend, significant other and counselor in the world would be doing that instead of all of the thousands of other things that have been tried throughout history that failed or sometimes worked if the addict also wanted to change. And that's the key here really--he has to want to stop doing drugs and to get clean. You can't do that for him or make him want it. And if he's doing cocaine in front you then he is nowhere near at that point of getting clean. If he ever gets there.

In the end only he can decide and get himself clean. Him snapping at you? That's who he really is, it is "like him" since you haven't been with him long enough to see all sides of him. And you're seeing them now. Don't mistake the honeymoon period as how a person is 100 percent accross the boards for now and all time and the bad things as simply something that is separate or apart or false to who the person is. You know who this guy is and what he is and now you're seeing how he reacts. If you stay get ready for a very bad ride is all I can tell you. Sorry.

Addicts are notoriously sneaky/tricky at hiding the extent of their abuse and lying about it. If they claim they use once a month, they use once a week. If they claim they use once a week, they use once a day. If you see them using once a week, they are using once a day. And if you see them using once a day, they are using all day long.

So if you are seeing him do it now, he is just starting to 'come out' to you with the extent of his drug use. Which is a LOT if he's starting to do it in front of you, and his drugs of choice are adderall/meth/coke, which are EXTREMELY addictive drugs. So it's a given that he is addicted because no one uses 'just a little' meth or coke. They're either totally on it or totally off it, and if he's using, this is a terrible downward spiral of a ride you will take with him if you stick around. And a good chance that he will try to get you hooked on it too so that you'll accept his lifestyle and participate in it and stick around rather than insisting that he get clean or leave him to avoid the drug use.

One other caution. There are countless number of men who solicit young teenaged girls such as yourself and at first make them their GFs and treat them like princesses. Then over time they introduce the girl to drugs. Then when she is fully hooked, he starts convincing her to hook to get them both money to buy drugs and support their druggie lifestyle, and the relationship then transitions into him being her pimp, and her a full time prostitute and drug addict who is a working girl in order to support both herself and her pimp who eventually has no job other than pimping her out and doing drugs.

Please be very aware of how common that is, and even middle or upper class girls get dragged into that world. I grew up with a very normal upper middle class girl who got sucked into that world when she was 18 by a 28 year old man who at first appeared charming and sophisticated to her, and who also at first appeared to be the ideal BF. But over time he first got her hooked on drugs, then started pimping her out to his friends for money, then other random men for money, and the relationship shifted to him being her BF/pimp, and money for her prostitution supporting both of them and their drug habits.

Her parents spent over 10 years and buckets of money trying to get her away from this man and that lifestyle and off drugs. Fortunately they had the money to send her thru several courses of rehab and to pay for psychologists to get her treated and away from this man, but it wasted over 10 years of her life, and tortured her family as they tried to get her away from him and get her clean. And frankly her life was never the same and she wandered aimlessly thru life and from job to job and man to man and never did marry or have a family because of the mental and physical damage done by that man.

So don't be that naive young girl and don't wreck your life for an addict, who will go down into the gutter himself eventually, and will take you with him if you let him.

doglover, everyone here knows what it's like to leave or be left by someone you love, knows what it's like to love somoene who is just bad for you, and not be able to see the truth of it.

You say you don't have friends anymore? I'm going to take a shot and say part of the reason is him.

And you don't look perfect, you look like you're going out with an old wasted man.

>>Sooo him & I did molly last night. (do not judge unless you try it, OMG.) haha but anyways, we were sleeping all day

Ah, i see that in your earlier thread about this guy... So you never used drugs before him, and knowing him a month you're already using molly with him. Meth is just around the corner. I'm sorry, you're already on your way into the gutter and to becoming a drug addict. I'm really sorry you're not understanding what is going on here... please check back with us later when you start to see the downside of this and aren't so infatuated with him and drugs.

Drug use starts out as crashing good fun, but turns into a nightmare before you know it. I hope you realize you are headed down that path, and if you don't, i feel really sorry for both you and your family because this is a path you don't want to take. At 18, you should be enrolling in college to get a good life and career going, dating boys your age, and planning a bright future rather than lounging around with some dissipated older guy doing drugs together.

So in looking at your photos as others have mentioned your boyfriend looks very unhealthy. You look great and happy and I have no doubt at all you love him. Honestly I don't think anybody here doubts that. But your boyfriend is sick. Very sick. He is addicted and from what I'm seeing and a previous thread that somebody mentioned - he's pulling you in with him. You are heading down the exact same path he is.

I've been doing this long enough to know you will not listen to me. That's fine. You must make your own choices in life. But those of us who have seen this happen over and over again know the outcome. It is disasterous and will lead to great heartbreak for you. He is well down the path to hardcore addiction and you are already seeing all the side effects of that. It is going to make you very unhappy. And if you get as sick as he does then you'll have to face the road to recovery too. I'd hate to see that happen to someone so young. I have seen it happen all too often.

Yes I've done Molly. So what. It's not a dangerous drug unless you over dose or do it frequently. It was completely my decision, he's never once pressured me into doing drugs. Only reason I tried it is because yes he does know about drugs, and a lot of people talk about Molly. And if you did it you would know how awesome it is. Lol. Anyways I am a bit of a weenie hut jr, I'm not gonna get into it but there's so many reasons why I won't do other drugs. I just won't. I care too much about the way I look, I freak the F out if I get a pimple, I've seen what drugs can do. Um no thx. Just please stop saying I'm going to get into drugs and were gonna go down hill. He's actually a very good person he's been working at with the company he works for, for 6 years, what I'm thinking is he's been off and on drugs for that time, but the point is he knows what he's doing. And keeps what's important in check. Which is me, and work right now.

And you all are bein so mean, that might just be a bad picture. I thought it was a cute picture. He's freakin hot, well to me he is. And he seems to think I'm out of his league, I don't see it.....but if that's so then he shouldn't cheat on me.

He's actually a very good person he's been working at with the company he works for, for 6 years, what I'm thinking is he's been off and on drugs for that time, but the point is he knows what he's doing. And keeps what's important in check. Which is me, and work right now.

If you are so sure of how good he is and not at all concerned about his drug use, why are you on here asking for advice? Plenty of really good advice had been given by others already, you are now ignoring it and defending your bf, whom you originally was concerned has a drug problem.

Unfortunately, it's his choice to do drugs and there isn't much you can do to change that. You can try asking him to stop, and he may promise that he will (or he may not), I highly doubt that he will though. Remember that a drug addict is one that can't stop themselves from using, even if they want to. They may be good people, but it's irrelevant when they have a drug problem. The drugs take over. You can rationalise all you want, and you can certainly try to talk to him about his habits, but at the end of the day, I agree with what most people here had said, he has a problem he can't shake and he'll take you down with him (whether you start taking drugs yourself or not).