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Thread: Can age gap relationships REALLY work?

  1. #1
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    Can age gap relationships REALLY work?

    I'm curious, I really am. When I say age gap, I don't mean a few years, I mean maybe 10+ years difference. There seems to be a lot of debate about it, with some people saying it can never work, and others saying it can, but only if the youngest of the two is at least 30.

    So I'm curious to know what everyone thinks about the subject.

    For those who HAVE read my previous threads, this is a curiosity completely separate from my own life.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member lilypadgirl's Avatar
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    Can? Yes. It's possible.
    On average, do they? It depends, but generally I don't think they do.

    It depends on how big the age difference and the ages of both partners. I agree with the "if the youngest of the two is at least 30". Physical age might be linear, but mental age is definitely not. There is a lesser gap between a 30 and 40 year old than a 20 and 30 in terms of experience, maturity, self-awareness, not to mention the practical stuff like where they are financially, in their careers, etc.

    So I think the probability of two people working out increases as they get older given a specific age difference. For example, for extremes, almost 0% between a 6 year old and 16 year, higher for 16 year old and 26 year old, even higher for a 26 year old and 36, you get my point if this example is a bit facetious.

    Just my two cents. I've never been in an age-gap relationship. My largest gap is 4 years.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member shes2smart's Avatar
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    Last bf I had before my husband was 18 years older than me (I was in my mid 30s, he was in his early 50s when we met). That went on for about a year and half...but it probably should've ended several months sooner....

    My husband is 11 years younger than me (I was 38 and he was 26 when we met)...got married less than a year after meeting and our 12th wedding anniversary was last month. So far that's worked out pretty well....

    It really depends on the individuals involved.

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    I think it also depends on life stages too, so if the women is in her thirties and wants kids, and the man is in his 50's and is not at the stage where he wants a newborn child running around

    Or if the man or women is in his/her twenties and is trying to get themselves sorted, they may not be on the same wavelength as someone 10+ years older, different wants and needs at different times in your life.

    Also, if the gap is too great, they may have nothing in common, interest-wise.

    The age-gap couples I have known have always been much younger women + older guy. For example, I knew a girl who was 21 in an RS with a 37 year old man. It worked because she was so grown-up. Very mature girl for her age, definitely not typical.

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    Social pressure plays an enormous role in the success of age gap relationships. Two people with a significant age difference, living out in a cabin in the wilderness of Alaska are far more likely to do well than two people with the same age gap living in an urban or suburban environment. And all because of how the people around them will treat them--friends, family, coworkers, etc.

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    Originally Posted by sleepingdonut
    Social pressure plays an enormous role in the success of age gap relationships. Two people with a significant age difference, living out in a cabin in the wilderness of Alaska are far more likely to do well than two people with the same age gap living in an urban or suburban environment. And all because of how the people around them will treat them--friends, family, coworkers, etc.
    Ya this is true too. I think it is considered more socially acceptable for the younger woman/older man combination than the opposite.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Jd1983's Avatar
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    It's very possible that a relationship can work, but both parties would have to be on the same page.

    I met my partner when I was 25 and he was 36. We've been together for 6+ years. My friends didn't think it would work out due to the age difference, but we have proved otherwise.

    I've seen stranger things happen. So in regards to your question, yes I do think it's possible.

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    Originally Posted by sleepingdonut
    Social pressure plays an enormous role in the success of age gap relationships. Two people with a significant age difference, living out in a cabin in the wilderness of Alaska are far more likely to do well than two people with the same age gap living in an urban or suburban environment. And all because of how the people around them will treat them--friends, family, coworkers, etc.
    Excellent post and very true.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member shes2smart's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sleepingdonut
    Social pressure plays an enormous role in the success of age gap relationships. Two people with a significant age difference, living out in a cabin in the wilderness of Alaska are far more likely to do well than two people with the same age gap living in an urban or suburban environment. And all because of how the people around them will treat them--friends, family, coworkers, etc.
    I never felt any social pressure during either of the relationships I mentioned above. People may have expressed an opinion here or there...and there was that one awkward, "....and this is your....daughter...?" moment. But I typically take outside opinions with a huge grain of salt and a healthy dose of "you have a right to have an opinion -even on stuff that is none of your business- and I have an equal and opposite right to ignore your opinion." I figure as long as I'm not intentionally harming someone or their stuff, I'm most likely ok.

    I seem to be quite deficient in whatever it is that makes people care what others think about them. I was pretty low on that to start with....and what little I had has decreased as I've gotten older. Judge me, my actions and choices all you like, chances are real good I'll be totally oblivious to that judgment, and on those odd occasions where I become aware of it, I usually decide it's not important and continue with what I feel is best for me.

    I think individuals who do care what others think about them or who are concerned about things like pleasing their family probably aren't going to find themselves in age gap relationships - or any other type of relationship that may create waves (different religion, different race, etc.) at all....if they do, they won't be there for long.

    But not everyone is concerned with what others think.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    I'm currently in a relationship w/ a female that's 10 years younger than me I'm 36 she's 26 and it's difficult to say the least

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