Slight panic attack

Its been years since I've confided in this site. I won't lie, I'm in the midst of a slight panic attack currently. When I was 10 years old I let my best friend leave me. I have been paying for it ever since.

For the past 16 years I have pushed everyone away for fear they will leave me alone, but the result is that I am constantly alone. I believe in the universe and karma, but I don't know what 10 year old me did wrong. Since that time I have been plagued with depression, anxiety and insomnia due to nightmares. All mainly in secret.

Anyone else in the same or similar boat? I just wish I knew what I did wrong... But I might never know.

Here's the problem with your thinking - it's not what you did wrong, it's what your friend did. You believe in karma, but karma doesn't come in this lifetime, so 10 year old you didn't do anything wrong.

You can't let someone leave you because you can't make someone stay with you. Each of us is responsible for our own actions. You aren't responsible for anything anyone does, good or bad. You don't make people leave, stay, sleep, eat, work, play softball, watch a certain movie…unless you've kidnapped them and have them tied to a chair then, I agree, you can make people do things.

What your friend did was a result of his/her own thinking, experience, and the tools he or she had at his or her disposal based on that person's knowledge and coping skills.

When I was 10 years old I let my best friend leave me..

I'm a little confused by this statement. Can you elaborate exactly what you mean by: - "I let my best friend leave me" ? People leave of their own accord. You guys were 10 year old children, so I'm not quite sure what you mean by "I let her leave me". Can you clarify please?