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Thread: "I love you, I was raped, good night."

  1. #1

    "I love you, I was raped, good night."

    We lived and loved together for two years. She was always there for me, when I was at my best or at my worst. I was a musician and she was quiet. When we talked about the past it was cruel and painful; we shared a miserable upbringing. She was molested around the age of fifteen, by a male friend of the family. Her parents knew about it, almost encouraged it, because in their eyes she was old enough. She told me about it before we were ever intimate, but it was obvious to me before she ever said a word. He forced himself upon her and there was no one to turn to, no one to stop it. We met seven years later and she carried herself like it happened the day before. I loved her, as I do now, and let her into my world as she daringly excepted
    me into hers. As we grew closer, work sent me on the road. I was no longer able to hold her in my arms each night and tell her, "Good night, I love you and I'll protect you while you sleep."

    I knew her then as I know her now: delicate, fragile, young, naive, a bleeding heart. I begged her to be mindful of her actions, to carry some from of protection, and never put herself in a place or position that she could not escape from. In my gut, I knew she would be victimized again. I felt so guilty leaving for tour.

    We separated; she grew cold and withdrawn. I knew something was wrong and lurking beneath the surface. We separated.

    I moved four states away and she followed. We have been seeing each other again and I think about our future. Five nights ago right before we were falling asleep, she told me she was raped while we were still together, while I was on tour. She kept it from me for a year and a half; it pushed us apart. She said she didn't tell me, because she felt like she didn't put up enough of a fight while he was choking her. She claims that she forgot about it until I said something that night that reminded her of it.

    I'm so lost...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SpottiOtti's Avatar
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    Both of you need to find a Rape Crisis Center in your area and get some help. They have resources for people who were sexually assaulted, as well as for their SO's and family members.

  3. #3
    Originally Posted by SpottiOtti
    Both of you need to find a Rape Crisis Center in your area and get some help. They have resources for people who were sexually assaulted, as well as for their SO's and family members.
    I feel like it's too late. I can't be there all of the time to protect her. She doesn't want to seek help.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator agent's Avatar
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    It's not your job to protect her. I'm really sorry, but the more you think it is the harder this will be for you.

    She needs counselling and proper help. Neither of which you can give her.

    The urge to protect someone can be incredibly strong, but you have to also realise when it's just not possible.

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  6. #5
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    I agree with Agent. You can't always protect her and if you define yourself as her 'protector' you will find yourselves on the Karpman Triangle, which can be very damaging and almost impossible to get out of.
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    She needs professional counselling so if you want to help her encourage her to make that appointment.

  7. #6
    Originally Posted by amipushy
    I agree with Agent. You can't always protect her and if you define yourself as her 'protector' you will find yourselves on the Karpman Triangle, which can be very damaging and almost impossible to get out of...

    She needs professional counselling so if you want to help her encourage her to make that appointment.
    Thank you, I am aware of the rescuer/persecutor/victim cycle. I know there is nothing I can do, except encourage her to get help. What can I do for myself? This is affecting me more than could have ever imagined.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Shetoldmeafter
    Thank you, I am aware of the rescuer/persecutor/victim cycle. I know there is nothing I can do, except encourage her to get help. What can I do for myself? This is affecting me more than could have ever imagined.
    You also can make use of a rape crisis center. Just go on your own. It might help her to go, sometime later, and in the meantime, you can find counselors and other resources to help you process your feelings.


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