Strippers at bachelorette / bachelor party?

My fiance and i are getting married in a few months and I am hearing alot from her girlfriends that they want strippers etc.

We have both decided not to do a bachelor or bachelorette party, that if we do anything it will be a jack and jill. her friends do not seem to like this decision and are really pushing for a private stripper.

This upsets me and i'm not sure how to handle this. I personally do not see the point. You're planning on committing to someone for the rest of your life, you shouldn't have to have a last night of freedom so to speak, if thats what you wanted, you shouldn't have been in a committed relationship. right?

im not sitting here pretending that i haven't been to the strip clubs before. I have. Not while ive been with my fiance. She doesn't like the idea, she'd never tell me not to, but she wouldn't be happy if i chose to go. I'm afraid she's going to be too worried about saying no to her friends and allow this to happen.

I don't think she'll do anything beyond the limit of what would be considered cheating but i really do not have any good feelings about some naked guy dancing his goods around my soon to be wife. I have also not heard many good stories about certain parties either.

Can anyone give me advice about this?

I'm afraid it's causing me to be a bit too cautious of whats going on with her, what she's doing and being a bit scared of the outcome. I'm not vocalizing any of these feelings, I don't want her to get upset. But I really don't know how to feel.

This isn't about what her gf's want --- it is about what your fiance wants. Ask her to develop a spine.

She has told them that she doesn't want a stripper.. and really, she wouldn't know until she got there. There is another one of the girls getting married who doesn't want one either and the others are planning to get her one. I don't even want her at THAT bachelorette party.

How do I even get over this? Is this a legitimate concern? I feel like it is, but I'm afraid its a bit controlling...

This upsets me and i'm not sure how to handle this. I personally do not see the point. You're planning on committing to someone for the rest of your life, you shouldn't have to have a last night of freedom so to speak, if thats what you wanted, you shouldn't have been in a committed relationship. right?

Not everyone feels this way. I am completely ok with my fiancé seeing one for his bachelor party as long as he doesn't act like an idiot. I trust his judgement. I have no control of what he does with his party just as he doesn't with mine. It's fair and simple.

She doesn't like the idea, she'd never tell me not to, but she wouldn't be happy if i chose to go. I'm afraid she's going to be too worried about saying no to her friends and allow this to happen.

Your fiancée is the bride and it's HER party. She needs to take charge. If she doesn't want to have a stripper at her party. then she needs to tell this friend that she DOES NOT one. But that decision is up to her, not up to you. Do not say anything to her friend... The bride needs to handle this.

She has told them that she doesn't want a stripper.. and really, she wouldn't know until she got there. There is another one of the girls getting married who doesn't want one either and the others are planning to get her one. I don't even want her at THAT bachelorette party.

Then she should not invite these friends to her bachelorette party.

Is this a legitimate concern?

If you both are in an agreement for no strippers, then YES it is a legitimate concern. When her friends disregard her request to not bring one and they do, they show lack of respect for the bride AND the groom. This is not how you want the bride to feel at her party. The party is about her, not about them. And if they bring one over anyway... I'd tell the friends AND the stripper to LEAVE if I were her.

No it isn't a legitimate concern.

It is an idiotic tradition and a man waving his package in your fiances' face isn't going to change a thing about your relationship.

LOL you guys are the ones getting married..its a celebration for the two of you..if the ones getting married dont want strippers than what is the point..i feel her friends are trying to get a free pass to see some eye candy that night...tell your soon to be wife that if they want a stripper, then do it another night...

She told them she is not interested. That won't matter to them. She also told them she doesn't want to have to leave her own bachelorette party so maybe that will help the influence there a bit.

Either way, I have absolutely no interest marrying someone who is okay with having some guys squishy parts crammed in her face while she is celebrating getting married with her friends. I can't do it, and I can't do it with her knowing how i feel about it if she does it, thats her own choice i suppose. Would be a shame to throw it away over that.

She told them she is not interested. That won't matter to them. She also told them she doesn't want to have to leave her own bachelorette party so maybe that will help the influence there a bit.

I would uninvite them if they opened their mouths about how it doesn't matter to them. They're pretty selfish and want to turn the party about them,

Well ---- then I hope the stripper doesn't show up and I hope she doesn't enjoy her lap dance.

And the part that gets waved in her face isn't squishy --- in fact, it is quite the opposite.

Well ---- then I hope the stripper doesn't show up and I hope she doesn't enjoy her lap dance.

 

And the part that gets waved in her face isn't squishy --- in fact, it is quite the opposite.

Lol you're right. My bad. lol

This kills my anxiety. I find myself much more worried about whats going on, what could go on, and everything now much more than I have ever in the past.

very stressful.

Your fiancee knows how you feel. You have to trust her to handle the situation responsibly. Relax, and trust her. She is going to be your partner in life, right? If you can't trust her, why would you want her as a life partner? Relax.

From what you've written, it sounds like she'd just get up and leave if strippers showed up. So why worry about this, when there's so much other stuff to worry about with a wedding?

I don't like the idea of strippers - esp before a wedding - but there was one I couldn't avoid at my cousins hens. Now I only have limited experience with this but from what I gleaned - it may be that a male stripper at a hens is very diff to a female stripped at a bucks. Honestly the girls just laughed their heads off - it was tacky and cheesy and we were all a but grossed out. It seemed to be more about embarrassing the bride than anything else. No one was turned on - ppl were just laughing. So of that's what it's usually like you have nothing to worry about!

I've seen a few male strippers at private parties, and it was so not what I expected. I thought it would be like you say, Circe. Tacky, cheesy...1 of them was. The other 2 were most definitely not.

My friend, a gullible little bird, lol...I'm laughing as I type this out. Anyway, he had the women go in the bathroom for a "private dance" if they wanted one, and someone bought her one. She thought it would simply be just a little dance. She went in there and said he was slinging it around all over the place, and then he asked her "So, what do you think?" and put his hand on the back of her neck. And she said "Oh...Well, it's lovely I suppose." Apparently that was the "Want to blow me?" indicator. Which is really disgusting. I mean, who pays for a dance with the chance to blow the stripper? Grossness aside, what is the point in that? Who gets turned on blowing strangers and you have to pay to do it!? Anyhow, he just wiggled his ass for her for another couple minutes and then that was it. Bahaha. When we told her what that implied, she turned beet red.

But in our defense, we had no idea. I mean, we were expecting the tacky cheese.

The next one was really raunchy. He got oil and masturbated himself to orgasm. Then he "boob screwed" a woman and she gave him oral sex right there in front of us(she was someone's friend, certainly not mine). My friends and I just left.

I don't know what it's supposed to REALLY be like!! It was fun when it was the first time, cheesy dancing and embarrassing the bride, etc. It was kind of enjoyable. But this other stuff? I don't know, if that's the regular I wouldn't be ok with that.

It's simple. If they are going against her wishes they are not true friends. If she gets there and there is a stripper she can leave.

What do you really think she's going to do if a stripper is there?

Even if he waves his junk RIGHT IN HER FACE...is that going to stop her from loving/wanting/ needing you? Or make her not want to marry you?

I'm not trying to minimize your concerns. But what impact do you realistically think this event will have on your future?

And also-lighten the eff up! Him having his squishy parts in her face (IF that even happens!) should NOT be the deciding factor about whether you marry her or not. Isn't your relationship deeper and more meaningful than that?

I think we're swaying away from the issue. This is not about the OP; it's about his fiancée in the same agreement on strippers and how her friends are not respecting her boundaries. The OP doesn't HAVE to be ok with it and it's his right. Not everyone is comfortable with strip clubs or strippers, and the OP and his fiancée have their reasons why they doesn't like them.

Now if the fiancée wanted to indulge that at her bachelorette party and he didn't, then it would be a separate issue.

Well yeah .. Seems weird for ppl to be fine for this poor girl to be peer pressured by friends into have a penis thrust in her face. Can't she allocate the planning to someone who will respect her wishes?

To me, I love an awesome party. I've hired strippers, taken men and women to go see strippers, and I, myself, are so repulsed by strippers even putting a hand on my back!! Or any part of their body touching me. I think bach parties are a right of passage, one lost dorky hoorah with your friends. One last time you really get to just live the single person (not married, doesn't mean not-committed) life. Celebrate the freedom to be honest! Enjoy that it's your last night or whatever that now I becomes a we. Every decision, emotional, physical, financial is together when you say, "I do."

I guess speaking from a someone who's married with a two year old, dealing with life, finances, motherhood, and zero social life outside of my own family, while I'm happy, I cherish the time I did have before getting married. You really do lose friends for a lot of reasons. Life makes it hard. So it's one night. Your fiance has said her peace, and you should share yours...so if strippers do make an appearance at your co-bach party, just go with it. You don't have to touch them with a 10 foot pole. Just really enjoy the time with your friends.

It really goes quick. Don't sweat over it. They have zero interest in being with you, or hooking up with others. They're there as entertainment.

And in reading the other posters, ours were just tacky cheesy - no shenanigans.

What do you really think she's going to do if a stripper is there?

 

Even if he waves his junk RIGHT IN HER FACE...is that going to stop her from loving/wanting/ needing you? Or make her not want to marry you?

 

I'm not trying to minimize your concerns. But what impact do you realistically think this event will have on your future?

 

And also-lighten the eff up! Him having his squishy parts in her face (IF that even happens!) should NOT be the deciding factor about whether you marry her or not. Isn't your relationship deeper and more meaningful than that?

^^^ This! If it is not dealing with a stripper at her bachelorette party, it will be her attending someone else's down the line. It will be her working on a project with a hunky guy. It will be the next door neighbor that makes her laugh every they talk.

The fact that you are saying it would be a shame to throw it all away over this, makes you sound very insecure. You have to be able to trust your future wife to handle her business in a respectful and confident way. She is going to be in many many situations in your marriage life. You have to trust her to deal with things.

The squishy worries you have just sound like insecurities. Does she want to have a stripper or not? It is her decision and she has to hold the line with her friends. If it does happen, it will probably end up being something much more mild than what is in your imagination.