Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 26

Thread: Journey of a Broken Soul

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    60

    Journey of a Broken Soul

    I am opening this thread in this topic, because I know and see signs that everything will be OK.
    I'll write it as a diary, but feel free to jump in and express your opinions on limited info I provide. Don't get pessimistic and/or annoyed if I don't agree with you opinion.

    Brief intro (I don't want to reveal too much as I don't want to risk being exposed to someone who might know me).
    - 5 year relationship (2 years LDR, 3 yrs living together)
    - Instant connection from day one
    - Best friends, would tell everything to eachother
    - A year into living together, bickering started. Daily stresses bc of financial crisis, work, being tired, school, decrease in sex
    - A promise was broken, and trust was hurt from that day
    - 2 week distance (travel), he comes back full of love and happiness, asks me if I would say yes to being his wife
    - Bickering continues soon after (I have to admit this was a mixture of my insecurities and jealousy and his lies)
    - First break (2 weeks)
    - a year later he says he wants a break up. To my crying face he says "we will never ever be together again. I don't see us happy in the future." (2 months)
    - Comes home one morning from a wedding, tells me he realized what an idiot he was and how much he loves me, and wants to spend the rest of his life with me and only with me.
    - Communication becomes better and more open
    - He slips into depression and pushes everyone away (including me).
    - Cheats (kiss) + I find out by snooping on his Facebook = big fight breakup with me packing and kicking his stuff out of the house (Drama I know)
    - Continues to hangs around, calls, texts, visits, I cry, he cries, we can't separate
    - One day I tell him I'm done and go into NC
    - 2 weeks later he finds a way to sneak back in my life
    - 2 and a half weeks ago I start NC again

    And here we are... He tested the waters for a while, but is now in NC as well. When we cross paths accidentally, he avoids me.
    He does ask about me (through a friend). He seems happy as is. However, I wonder as I've heard something today...

    I'm working on myself - mediation, affirmations, LoA, gym, new hobbies...
    There is someone who is trying to win me over, but I can't yet... I'm not ready to have anything with anyone.
    I love being single.
    I miss my best friend though.
    I miss my soulmate.

    I can't wait for the day when we will start our lives together.

  2. 05-10-2018, 02:43 PM

  3. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    60
    This time I need NC to heal.
    Just seeing him - I cry for three days.
    I got addicted to him. To his love.
    I want to be independent again.
    To be happy when I'm alone.
    To love myself.

    Other than that, he always had everything on a silver plate with me.
    I would be there whenever he would need me. I would spend hours listening him complain and cry.
    I would cook, clean, listen, come up with interesting ideas just to be ignored, disrespected and blamed for his unhappiness.

    He wasn't always like this.
    He looked at me as I'm a goddess.
    He admired me and proudly talked about me to all of his friends/family.
    But I spoiled him, and in the meantime his ego grew and my confidence decreased until I felt he is much much better than me, and it's me who is guilty for all the fighting.

    I want to get stronger.
    I want him to get down to Earth and realize what he had.

    I will start LC in 2 weeks. If I feel better then.

    Do you mind if I ask why you think LC is better (in my situation)?

  4. #3
    Platinum Member thealchemist's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    1,597
    Any relationship that has to have breaks is very unlikely to be viable in the long term.

    It sounds like he was just immature with no idea of what he wants.

    Waiting around for someone to realize that they want you is a waste of time.

    It also doesn't seem to ever work, especially since you are still there to them so they already have you to themselves in their mind.

    It looks like a relationship that should have ended after the honeymoon phase yet you both refused to let it go, especially him.

    A good partner doesn't work their @ss of to win you over then stop trying after they are with you.

    A good partner always makes that effort.

    I told my wife when we got married that it ment nothing to me, that I have no preconceived ideas that you will always be here, now that we are bound by marriage.

    That if she wants to leave at anytime that is fine. So I just needed to be a husband\father she would have to be crazy to walk away from.

    But a ton of effort and desire in the short term doesn't really mean anything. A bratty child will put forth effort to get a toy, only to discard it when they see a toy they want more.

  5. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    60
    Oh, and when I say that I said I'm done and went NC - it's because he repeatedly told me we can't get back together because everything will be the same.
    His words: "I love you, but we are not compatible"

    I can't be just a friend with someone who I wanted to have kids and family one day (for the first and probably last time in my life). I'm just not a "let's get married and have bunch of kids" type of girl.
    I did want it all with him.
    And he is not my first long relationship.

  6.  

  7. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    60
    Originally Posted by thealchemist
    Waiting around for someone to realize that they want you is a waste of time.

    Who said I'm waiting. I'm not waiting for anything. Or at least I'm not wasting my time. I'm getting better and once I do, I will live my life to the fullest. But it will happen. We will be back together.

    It also doesn't seem to ever work, especially since you are still there to them so they already have you to themselves in their mind.

    Not sure I understand this. What do you mean I'm still there?

    It looks like a relationship that should have ended after the honeymoon phase yet you both refused to let it go, especially him.
    I'm sorry but relationships end when they are suppose to, and you don't have enough information to make assumptions like this.

  8. 05-10-2018, 03:18 PM

  9. #6
    Platinum Member thealchemist's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    1,597
    I think I lack the necessary tact to get you to objectively comprehend what I'm saying without becoming too aggravated at me.

    SG will do a better job.

    Good luck.

  10. 05-10-2018, 03:28 PM

  11. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    60
    I understand all of your points, however I opened this topic not to get a magic overnight solution to my situation, but to vent and write during this journey.
    Hopefully one day will help someone learn something or maybe even I will learn something when I come back to this.

    I accept all opinions, and I am not aggravated at anybody.
    However, again, judgement, assumptions and "this is how it is" statements cannot be made based on a brief forum post.
    As you know each relationship has two sides and multi-million little specific situations that contribute to its success or failure.
    There is no chance I could fit all of it even if I write until tomorrow. and that would be just my side.

    So, if you want to help - help with my progress towards a better tomorrow and don't analyze and make claims on the past, because you were not part of it.
    And I know this is a written word and you can read my feelings, but I am not saying this in an aggravated voice :)

  12. 05-10-2018, 03:44 PM

  13. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,194
    Originally Posted by Doosha
    I'm sorry but relationships end when they are suppose to, and you don't have enough information to make assumptions like this.
    Then provide more info. The green is very difficult to read. Use the Reply with Quote option.

  14. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    60
    Again, I will not provide too much detail as I don't want to reveal my personal life online and for someone I know (even him) to come to this. Also, as I said ... this is a journey thread where I will write what Im going through day by day, until it gets better.

    I am not looking for anyone to analyze my relationship. I just wanted to give some background, for the story to be easily followed. And who knows, maybe someone will recognize their story in mine.
    So, if you want to play an online psychologist and help explain to someone why their relationship didn't work out there are plenty of other threads.
    This one is focused on the now and on the future.
    MY future.
    If I believe that my future has him in it, it is my right and I haven't asked for opinions on that.
    Right or wrong - it's my journey.

    That being said, I will simple ignore any analytical, "let me play a shrink" posts, but it's a public forum and I can't prevent you to post them.
    I know all of you want us broken souls the best, and I appreciate the offer but it's just not what I am looking for right now.

    Thank you.

  15. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,194
    I suggest you use the Journals option then.

    You have posted in an area that is suited for questions.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •