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Thread: Dear Liam

  1. #1
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Dear Liam

    Wow, I can not believe you have been gone for almost 3 years now. That seems an impossible amount of time. I come to think of you because I know we will be leaving you behind when we move. That does not grieve me like it once did. I know you are not really in your burial place but in my heart and in heaven. I have let go of a lot of grief, but there will always be some while I can not see or hold you. I will have to wait for my life to be over to do that.

    Your big brother still talks about you and asks what you would be doing in life now had you been with us. I think his heart is better off knowing you did exist, even if you are not with us. He is not angry anymore and he speaks of you with love in his eyes and joy in his heart. You both would have been fabulous together.

    Dad misses you too but he walls it inside, he said your death was the single worse day of his life.

    We are all moving on though and we still think of you daily and less and less with sorrow.

    kisses little one,

    Love Mommy

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I often wonder if you would have had eyes like your dad, that deep deep blue or like mine and your brother's, a brilliant green. You definitely looked a lot like your brother in a familial way, and yet you looked like yourself. I could tell you had your father's nose not mine. Your father's size of eyes. A big head like your brother and very very long limbs. Your hands were like mine. It would be SO neat to see how you would have turned out. Who you would have been like. How you and your much older big brother would have interacted.

    My wonderful boy about 4 weeks before his death
    Last edited by ~Seraphim ~; 04-27-2010 at 10:41 PM.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Hello my little boy, I can not believe another year is coming. I was going to bring your pic home for Christmas but I forgot.I had so much to bring with me. We did not go see you at the cemetery either there was just so many people to see. One day though when mommy comes home on her own I will come and see you. You were in my mind and heart though all Christmas Day and I prayed for you on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day along with the many others I pray for. I just want you to know I will always think of you and hold you in my heart.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I wonder what you will be like when we meet in heaven. You will have seen me for so long but I will have not known you, other than what I feel of your soul now and again.

    I wonder what you would have looked like as you aged, what you would have been good at, how your life would have played out. I imagine you and your brother would have been great friends. He would have loved you to pieces as he loves little kids. It would have been more difficult though as you would have been 10 years apart in age. At least you would have had each other when I am gone. Now your big brother will have no one when I am gone which is truly sad. No one but his cousins who are all girls. While he feels very close to them he will not have too too much in common with them like he would with a brother. He may need help when he is grown up and I sometimes worry about his future alone.

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    Vic- I often find that when someone doesn't have a sibling or isn't close with their siblings, they will develop a deep friendship with someone and create their own "family". No one is ever alone, and your son never will be. Cheers!

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    Platinum Member OptomisticGirl's Avatar
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    I agree with Sherry Vic. Even if I were to lose my brother and sister (God forbid) my best friend is in every sense and form, my sister. Her child is my niece. Blood is a great thing to have, but there are so many other ways to have family. He will have a best friend in life who he will be extremely close to. Will never take the place his brother could have been but he won't be alone.

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    Platinum Member Circe~'s Avatar
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    Your journal is so moving.

    I'm an only child, Vic. I'll be honest with you - there have been times that I've been conscious of the fact that when I don't have my parents anymore I won't have any immediate blood relatives. I think I'm more conscious of this than someone like my cousin (who is also an only child) who thinks of me as a sister and so doesn't quite feel that way. But can I say.. while I felt like that at a time when I was less happy with my life.. having gotten married.. I now feel that even when my parents do pass.. they'll always be in my heart and I'll never be alone (in terms of immediate blood relatives). I feel like I am a product of all they have put into me and I will carry that around forever and carry their love around forever. I think reaching a truly happy place in life and in my heart - has made me see that I'll never be alone despite not having sibblings.

  9. #8
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    It is not so much I am worried he won't have friends. I am worried about his level of autism and his learning disabilities and if he will be able to hold employment and look after himself after I am gone. He will have no family to help look after him other than his cousins. I do not think his friends would be willing to care for him should he not be able to. He may need someone in that capacity and he may not. I have no idea as of yet.

    Thank you all.

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I miss you so much. I wish you had not died. I do not know why I can never seem to let go of the idea of a baby but I can't let it go. Not that I am trying for one, but, the idea is always there. I want the opportunity of the idea and one day when it is ideal to go ahead, but that is almost a ZERO chance. I guess I have to just have God take this over because there is nothing I can do with it.

    I am happy when people get pregnant, I truly am, honestly and truly, but it makes me jealous and sad too. Is that wrong?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member OptomisticGirl's Avatar
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    Have you thought of other means to have a child Victoria?

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