Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 6 of 37 FirstFirst ... 3456789 ... LastLast
Results 51 to 60 of 363

Thread: Diary Of A Redhead

  1. #51
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    554
    Gender
    Female
    Ah, chocolate, you sweetheart. You melt my heart! I feel warm for eating you. Yum.

    The chocolate perks happened and I'm ready to make my little list on my lunch break. Okay, here goes, my 'TO DO':

    - Finished sorting out the rest of your wardrobe and get rid of any old clothes you never wear (no, you're NOT going to maybe wear it because it's been there 5 years).

    - Book a reservation for me and D for a soul house night at that new club.

    - Start eating healthier and going to the gym (you've paid for it, remember?).

    - Start your pole dancing lessons.

    - Be more positive and stop being such a drag (honestly, it's wearing thin).

    - Finish off the guest room.

    - Start saving.

    - Be a totally vivacious wife. Bubble girl, bubble!

    That should do it for now, it's enough to be getting on with for my level of motivation at the moment. Generally, things have picked up from my outburst this morning. I felt like sitting there and angrily tearing up toilet paper. The frustrations passed and I'm slowly beginning to look forward to the weekend again. Oh man, please, it has to be better than the last one (my fault), because D will end up regretting his 'I Do' if I carry on being psycho wife.

    Can we add must learn how to cook and world peace to that list? Becoming a millionaire without any effort would be great as well. Just thought I might add it incase this list is magical and wishes do come true.

    I've been making a little wish list of my own that involve winter clothes and things I apparently NEED! Every girl NEEDS heeled boots and a few nice coats etc. It would be criminal to deny myself these simple pleasures. Or maybe I should stop being a selfish brat and realise that when I open my wardrobe it is not acceptable and truly embarrassing to have an avalanche of clothes fall at my feet.

    For some reason I'm fixating on sleep wear. Maybe it's because I've been wallowing in my own self pity lately which has meant some serious down time on the couch. This calls for suitable lounge wear thats comfortable but not hideous. I don't want cartoons on everything as well unless it's retro and tasteful. Why do designers think grown women want Mickey Mouse and little ducks on our pants when we might also be having sex in these god awful rags?

    I would rather be prepared in a silk robe and have it not happen than unprepared in my Daffy Duck pjs and have to watch a manly hand run up my thigh (passing that awful novelty pattern). It can be cute, but not this way, no no.

    Maybe if I ever am single, alone, depressed, fat and putting in 6 hours plus on the couch with no one to witness my mess I would maybe consider wearing such a thing. But I really, desperately draw the line at teddies in the bedroom. There is never, ever an excuse for this if you are over 16. Frankly, it's creepy. Imagine all their little black beaded eyes staring blankly at you trying to get down to it? I can't go on, it's too disturbing.

    I'm so off track today. I apologise if anyone has teddies or comic pjamas, really, you're fine. Ignore me.

    I wish I could blame this on hormones but if I did I would just be hormonal 365 days of the year and thats pretty bleak. My sister once told me that living with a male makes your hormones go absolutely whacko and I liked the idea of that because it gave me justification and an excuse. It's all D's fault. This whole journal is D's fault because if I didn't live with him then my mood would be on an even keel and I would be content with no dips and troughs ever. He has a lot to answer for has that D.

    I need to wrap a present that needs to be dropped off tonight. Jesus, strike me down, the excitement of my life is getting too much.

    This is coming accross really ungrateful and the list was supposed to make me feel better but now I feel stressed because I'm realising I have quite a lot to get done. Time to get the scissors and paper out. I really enjoy wrapping, it's a geek hobby of mine. I just can't be bothered with it today though.

    Chocolate crash. Boom.

    Lo x
    Last edited by mylolita; 08-28-2014 at 08:55 AM.

  2. #52
    Platinum Member OptomisticGirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Southern USA
    Age
    31
    Posts
    12,115
    Gender
    Female
    Maybe you just haven't found the career for you yet?

    I don't see anything wrong with stripping/exotic dancer per say, I know a lot of girls I graduated high school with danced to pay their way through law or medical school. It's obviously not a first choice option but hey.

    What about your current job attracted you to it?

  3. #53
    Platinum Member BigKK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    San Diego, CA
    Age
    34
    Posts
    2,602
    Gender
    Male
    One step at a time Lo as far as the list goes! Focus on one thing then go onto the next one.

    As far as your job goes, sounds really depressing when you write about it! You need to find something you love! Sounds like stripping was more exciting, was there any drawbacks? I can't imagine it checks the mental stimulation box in an intellectual sense, but I bet it's exciting which is the opposite of your current job. Perhaps a job change or search is in order?


    Hey and lay off the comic pajama bashing...nothing wrong with a grown man wearing Tasmanian devil boxers to bed... (with matching shirt and socks naturally)

  4. #54
    Platinum Member OptomisticGirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Southern USA
    Age
    31
    Posts
    12,115
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by BigKK

    Hey and lay off the comic pajama bashing...nothing wrong with a grown man wearing Tasmanian devil boxers to bed... (with matching shirt and socks naturally)
    hahaha! I have a pair of Tinkerbell PJ bottoms... now every time my husband and I get down while I'm wearing them I won't be able to stop laughing thinking of Lo's description.

  5.  

  6. #55
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    554
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by BigKK
    One step at a time Lo as far as the list goes! Focus on one thing then go onto the next one.

    As far as your job goes, sounds really depressing when you write about it! You need to find something you love! Sounds like stripping was more exciting, was there any drawbacks? I can't imagine it checks the mental stimulation box in an intellectual sense, but I bet it's exciting which is the opposite of your current job. Perhaps a job change or search is in order?


    Hey and lay off the comic pajama bashing...nothing wrong with a grown man wearing Tasmanian devil boxers to bed... (with matching shirt and socks naturally)
    Please accept my humble apologies Big - I'm sure you pull them off nicely! Excellent! Can I just add there are exceptions? Haha!

    You're right about the career cross roads, I'm really disliking my desk job at the mo and maybe it's pushing me back into my former wild years where things were exciting. I think I'm trying to get my old self back and I feel like going back to dancing will achieve this... but probably not! Always appreciate any advice, I'm always open to suggestions.
    x

  7. #56
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    554
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by OptomisticGirl
    hahaha! I have a pair of Tinkerbell PJ bottoms... now every time my husband and I get down while I'm wearing them I won't be able to stop laughing thinking of Lo's description.
    Optimistic, I am sure they look the sweetest on you Hey, Tinkerbell is hot haha! I am officially the basher of all comic print pjama's (watch me buy some soon!).

    x

  8. #57
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    554
    Gender
    Female
    I'm feeling better today, phew.

    D had a heart to heart with me last night. We went out to get a late burger and he said he could tell I'd been down. The boy doesn't mince his words and it was pretty much a verbal shake to get a grip or I'm just going to spend my life miserable and wallowing in anxiety and self pity.

    The worst part of it is that he's right. So I've pinched myself and woke up feeling a little bit refreshed - it's a start.

    I'm listening to Sade 'Your Love Is King'. It's such a corny track but I can't help but love it, it never fails to make me feel great and want a slow dance in the middle of the living room.

    Work has been painless today, a smooth day all in all. A smooth song for a smooth day.

    Lo x

  9. #58
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    554
    Gender
    Female
    I feel a shift and I've been here before.

    It always happens when I reach the point of realising I'm fed up. It's mostly boredom and dissatisfaction, it catches up to me every time I run away.

    I've been in a strange mood for the last few weeks and I haven't been myself. Everyone says don't look back, move forward - but the person I used to be in some way never failed to surprise me and fills me with secret admiration. I look in the mirror at the girl I am now and see dark circles and a blank expression. I want back into fun and freedom and doing whatever I want. I want happiness, I chose happiness! You've gotta do what you've gotta do, and no amount of relationship security or self help books will get me there. No, I don't need therapy and yes, I just need a slap. A mental slap.

    I want to re-vamp myself. I need a come back!

    I'm stuck in this stagnant pond moving no further forward and it's all my fault. I've complacently let myself sink whilst watching from the side lines - the excuse, 'I can't'. Always 'I can't'. I couldn't swim, and now I can. Literally and figuratively. Its time to dive in and push myself in the deep end for once.

    I met up with my college W today on my lunch break and we had a chat about work. She feels exactly the same as me about the job but she's nearly 60 and doesn't mind part time work and being stuck in a small office with no hope of moving up any ladders. The job description suits her fine, but it's not compatible with what I want or what I need. It's definitely not compatible with who I am.

    My mentality when it comes to work has always been 'What can I do and give for this employer?' Maybe it should be 'What can this employer do and give to me?'. I'm sick of my servitude mentality, it makes me totally pathetic and a major push over.

    I'm not looking for approval and I don't need anyone but myself to tell me I'm doing fine. I need to know it and I need to make myself happy, because when I'm not, everyone I love around me is miserable as well.

    A shadow of myself has been living with D since probably well before we got married. This grey matter has been slouching around the house, slumping on the couch, dazed, loosing sleep over bad dreams, stressing and flitting over the smallest things, having hysterical, tearful outbursts and generally being a real irritable good for nothing b***h. It's got to stop. I need the colour back in my life and I need 100% of me back in the saddle.

    I've just got to say 'I've got this' and move on.

    I refuse to believe we are doomed to repeat our mistakes over and over again. I refuse to wallow any longer! Life is beautiful and to be lived, not to slowly pass you by in a series of uneventful, dull days that link into months then years filled with nothing and resentment towards the fact that there's nothing. I have to do something.

    I remember when I was 19, I remember this well. I met up with Miss G (best friend) at a local cafe, a nice cafe, rather posh (we're such tarts) and I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. I felt like I was shaking. Finally, I felt alive! It was so good to have done something just for me, to throw off the shackles of convention, what I should or should not do, to say f***k it! Society, I don't give a damn! And god, I was happy, therefore everything else was happy in the world of Lo.

    I'd just finished my first week of working in a strip bar as an exotic dancer and I was about to break it to my best friend.

    I was young and hot headed and a little crazy but god, I was so happy. Relief washed over me in constant waves for weeks, even months after, practically glowing with the knowledge that eventually, after years of s****y minimum wage nothing jobs, I'd found something I loved! The perfect job for me!

    When we were at secondary school, we had a phase of useless Tutorials where we all bundled into small computer rooms. We had to answer about 100 questions on our personality, things we liked, strengths, weaknesses, hobbies and skills. At the end you got a list of 10 occupations that were best matched for you from the computer. I swear, if it had been legal, pole dancer would of been my number 1.

    The job was made for me, and I was made for the job. I'd do it for minimum wage. It made me feel alive and beautiful and I got to dance the way I've always danced, which is sexy, which to me is the only way any woman should dance. I mean, what other way is there?

    I know the amount of nay saying and opinions people have about this legal but very adult profession. And yes, it is a profession. Sign your name for a profession in seduction and a course in sultry poise. It's a skill and yes, it's the only skill I truly believe I have.

    I'm craving another bite at this oh so dark and delicious cherry. The apple of temptation.

    I cannot pretend, as I watch copy after copy of A4 go through the printer, that I am a happy little office worker doing her darned best at her wholesome 9 to 5. The 5 inch heels with a pencil skirt suit are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my true expression in this expressionless environment of grey and flickering monitor screens. There is no expression in an office, there is only efficiency, deadlines, phones ringing and robots answering them.

    I'm no ones master but my own and this monkey only dances when she wants too.

    I've got this, no, I need this, and no one can stop me but myself.

    Lo x

  10. #59
    Platinum Member BigKK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    San Diego, CA
    Age
    34
    Posts
    2,602
    Gender
    Male
    Hey Lo, first off apology accepted, I do make them look good. As far as your feelings and sentiments, a lot of this is probably coming from the absolute boredom from your day-to-day job...there is no passion when you write about your work days...borderline depressing. You know you were happy dancing because it was much better money, so this is a great alternative for you. My suggestion is changing it up, and realizing like you're writing...you can do whatever you want. If your job makes you so unhappy, change it. Also explore other possibilities. I don't think there is anything wrong with dancing, but I'd suggest looking at longer term avenues because you don't want to be in this position once age takes your looks and you have no fallback plan. Essentially don't be short-sighted and perhaps explore more possibilities? Hell, maybe hold down two jobs? I often had similar feelings in certain jobs that felt absolutely mind numbing and it made me want to run away from "conventional" jobs. Now I am slowly carving out a way towards something I can see myself being happy doing into my old age, I'm changing this at age 29, by the time I'm done I'll be 32-33 and not really worried about it, since I will have another 30 years after that of working...so why not change now, rather than wake up when I'm in my 40's and depressed about this to the point of no return. I'm wondering if you've ever considered completely different fields that could make you happy but are stuck on this "boring office job" or dancing. I would often make these black and white comparisons in my mind, and they usually led me to inaction. (In my example, I always considered studying again as this insurmountable treacherous mountain that I can't even attempt so why bother, and then it leads to a depressing office job since all office jobs are depressing. So I wonder if you perhaps have similar thought processes that block out any other possibility, it's either dancing or depressing office jobs, nothing in the middle?

    If none of this makes sense I apologize, I'm still running on handfuls of dayquil

  11. #60
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    554
    Gender
    Female
    Hi Big,

    Thank you for your great response! I have taken on a lot if not most of what you have said because it really makes sense. Deep down I know exotic dancing isn't a long term career choice and just like any job based on youth and beauty once you hit 30 it's pretty much over.

    I do have a back plan which is to get really technically good on the pole and eventually teach it. It's a really popular type of dance class thats trending at the moment and I feel like not many places offer it but a lot of women are interested, sometimes for toning, sometimes for building confidence or learning how to move seductively. I don't know, I don't have much of a plan at all but I know that I'm happiest when I'm self employed (like when I was a dancer).

    I do value your voice of reason! Kudos!

    Lo x

Page 6 of 37 FirstFirst ... 3456789 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •