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Thread: Diary Of A Redhead

  1. #341
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
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    Ever rediscover something you loved or habitually did or liked many years ago suddenly out of nowhere? And then realise you love it just the same and forget any time passed between you leaving or stopping your hobby or liking or whatever your fancy was and you fall right back into a kind of nostalgic obsession?

    I've got the way about YouTube lately, or I should say, someone I used to always watch and listen too on there. She is a early 30s, conservative, anti-feminist home maker and she has a lot of forth-right alternative opinions, I see her as a kind of tonic to the liberal la la land I feel I'm living in at the moment. Anyway, I used to always watch her in-between everyday life, she never posted much and had very little videos when I first found her channel but I hadn't searched for anything from her for years until yesterday. I don't know why, she just popped right up into my memory and I had to see if she was still on there and low and behold, she now has a pretty huge following and plenty of videos so I just had to watch as many as I could in-between ironing and B napping. Addicted. It sounds sad doesn't it but, listening to her makes me feel a little bit less alone in my kind of, way I chose to live my life and the way I think. I know no one where I live or where I have lived that think like myself or my husband. I sometimes wish I had a female friend like her. Someone I really connected too on a deep level of mutual understanding. I'm not saying we have to be the same or like the same things but, the core principles of us and the energy with which we attack life, it would be nice I guess, to share in that with another woman. I find it in plenty of men but never women. Not round here, anyway.

    Sometimes when I'm drifting off to sleep at night I imagine this idealised version of small town America in the deep south. Somewhere quiet and quaint and friendly, full of old passed down traditions. Never really changing. Letting the modern, rushed world happen somewhere "out there" and letting it all be of no concern or thought to this little piece of prairie America. Women creating a community while the men go off to work, children running freely between houses, playing in the woods, going in and out of neighbours houses. Women popping in for coffee and pie in each others kitchenettes. Women wearing cooking aprons during the day, everyone busy but there's a beautifully slow pace to everything. Dive bars lit up at night. Men wearing cowboy hats. Jeans. House dresses. It sends me off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

    Women are too busy working their fingers to the bone climbing the corporate ladder to form town and street communities now. I feel it's part of a breakdown in modern society. They used to be the ones doing the bake sales, organising Halloween walks through the park, cutting the grass out the front and saying good morning to everyone passing by. They used to be involved in their children's school, the yard sales, the charity events, street Christmas gatherings hosted in a different house each year, etc. Now, nothing. Streets are like ghost streets, you never see anyone come or go. The only light on a night to be seen in peoples living rooms is the bright, white flickering of their TVs. Depressing.

    In this house, in my house; out there, it might be 2018, but in here, it's 1954, and there's no TV in this house, and I have jazz quietly playing in the lounge and it drifts out up echoing all around the hall, it bounces off the wooden flooring. Even on a rainy day, people can be rushing by, but there is a heavenly calm in this house. A calm and history of this being a home again and again and again you only get after these bricks, mortar, detailed ceilings, have been through 150 years. All the knowledge wrapped up inside this house. If these walls could talk? That's what I often think about as well. This house has an atmosphere. It's more than a home. The air is even different in here. You'd know what I'd mean if you could be here, it makes no sense written down, words can't explain it, but no one ever wants to leave once they come in.

    Which brings me back to my YouTube maiden of tradition gone - and something that stood out to me, it was if I were her and she was speaking as me! She said the exact same thing I would say. One of her videos was, someone had sent in a question and asked her who her favourite female fiction character was and she said, "Mortisha Adams". Now, I couldn't agree more. She is mine! But it's not just she admires the same character as me, it was her reason behind choosing her, which is exxxxxaaactly the same reason as mine. Which was - this lady couldn't give a fig what anyone else thinks of them. They live life exactly how they want to live it. They're different from everyone else around them. They're weird, kooky. She's gothically beautiful, timelessly elegant, always put together. She is a fantastic mother, she is a mother her own way. She is a fantastic wife. And most of all, her and Gomez are a complete team. A passionate, heady team and they love each other more than anything. What a combination. Everything I admire.

    Not that I am this gothic ethereal thing, HA! But, The Adams Family remind me of, well, me and my husband. Big old house, kooky, modern world out there, it's a different time zone inside, our house is full of antiques and, everyone kind of thinks we're crazy! But we do things our own way and have our own opinions. And we are truly a family now, with our little son.

    It's strange, I'm not religious at all, I don't even know if I would class myself as "spiritual" or whatever but, I don't believe in signs from the divine or anything like that but lately, everything seems to be pointing towards one thing.

    Lately, we've been struggling a smidge with finances.

    I'm not about to get out the violin or anything, things are overall fine - it's a cash flow problem. We are asset rich but, we have a cash flow problem. I realise how pretentious that sounds, it sounds like a rich persons problem of basically saying they're maybe temporarily a bit broke. It's true though.

    I look young for my age. I'm 28. Everyone thinks I'm younger. I have rosy cheeks, I'm flat chested, I just look young, and I drive a car worth more than some peoples house. This is a fairly new thing. I always dreamed secretly of driving a really nice car. So you say, my dreams have come true, how does it feel?

    Well, when you're driving this car and you're also worrying about budgeting, you feel like an a*****e, you really do. And on top of that, everyone looks at you in it. Then, everyone looks at you when you get OUT of it. And everyone especially looks at you when you get out of it because you look young and they expect an old man to be getting out of it I guess. Oh yeah, BOO HOO, woe is me it's terrible, but I'm saying that it's a weird thing. I thought I would enjoy it more but frankly, I'm just always painfully embarrassed.

    I park it way, way away. I love driving at night because no one can see me. I feel like I should be apologising constantly for having it, for driving it. I never mention it to anyone I know. I never say what we drive, I never discuss cars, nothing. I'd rather no one knew. It makes me feel like a d**k. It's not a high performance sports car or anything, we have a baby but, y'know, I've realised I don't like a certain type of attention. I'll never be ostentatious. Now I realise that. If you have the luxury to be ostentatious, if really does say a lot to me whether you choose to be that way or not. It's not a bad or a good thing in my opinion but, lets just say I know that is not what I am.

    And I am part French I found out. Explains having no . No , boyish way about me, gap between my two front teeth, likes a neck scarf, likes a crisp shirt, never gets too overdressed for an occasion, always wears lipstick but never much other make-up, skinny, hates long nails. I am ticking the French boxes here. But I hate wine! HA! My Grandma explained to me it's her side of the family. They have a French surname I should've known but I never thought about it. It's strange because the first time I met D, one of the first things he said to me is, "You look French." And when I worked at the cocktail bar I met him at, all my colleges used to call me "Frenchie"! Ha! Is that an insult or a compliment, I really don't know. But back to the other train of thought... I'm all over.

    All over, and yes. Pointing towards.

    Pointing towards... my husband loves boxing. We watched the Tyson Fury fight last week. We both love the boxing. He used to box. Anyway, what a lesson, what a lesson in... getting up. Just get up. That's what everything has been pointing towards lately. Just get up. Lo, you've been feeling down. Money issues. Tired. You want another baby. You feel greedy and guilty for wanting another. You've been in a bit of a lull, mentally. I've felt alone. On an island inside my head. No one understands me but D. I'll never have a real friend. But, just get up. Look around you.

    This guy was knocked down for the second time, 12th round. He got back up like it was nothing. Was sparked out cold. No one facing Wilder has ever got up from one of his punches. This is the Irish for you. Hard as nails. What a lesson for life. Get your ass up, stand straight and fight again. Get up and fight. Don't let anyone knock you down.

    I love the natural world. I caught myself watching this programme, David Attenborough's "Dynasties". This group of chimps, the alpha male. Wow. It makes you realise. The alpha, he's not just strong and tough as f**k, this guy is smart. I mean smart. He plays them, politically, all of them. And he gets turned on and beat up badly, nearly dead, they thought he was dead, it's ruthless. They leave him for dead, he bides his time, he eats, gets strong, and then pretends he's as strong as ever. He bluffs them all. He wins. He's back in, running the group and then he shows those back stabbers who is boss again but ultimately lets them live, forgives them but doesn't forget. What a story. What a life story. Again, get up, get back up.

    You must get back up. It's what separates people going somewhere and doing something. Get up and stop being concealed by your worries.

    When I sometimes get a little down, or get a little negative, I have to look around at what I've got and pinch myself. I look in my son's eyes and I feel an amount of love that is, physically, painful to me. He hurts me. His love makes my heart ache with joy. Sometimes, I feel like crying tears of happiness. How can anything be truly wrong when you can look at someone and feel that. To have D in bed with me on a night and my son sleeping in his nursery is heaven on earth. It's heaven on this earth.

    And no matter what car I drive, if I drove one at all, no matter this house, in all its old, elegant, timeless glory. I don't care. Because I am not living for myself anymore.

    The moment I said "I do", the moment he was in my arms, not a couple of seconds old, I stopped living for me. Life is sometimes hard, but also life is sometimes profoundly, unspeakably beautiful, and I know before I die, whenever that may be, I will not have a second of regret, because I experienced true love.

    My father loves Nat King Cole. There is something about Nat King Cole that will always remind me of him.

    One of my favourite songs, because of his influence and love for the singer, is also one of the most beautiful and wise lyrically to me. If you've ever heard it, I defy you not to feel like you have been transported to another heavenly plane. When I was young, I felt I understood it. Now in my late 20s, I feel I am only just starting to really understand.

    'Nature Boy'

    There was a boy
    A very strange, enchanted boy
    They say he wandered very far
    Very far, over land and sea
    A little shy and sad of eye
    But very wise was he

    And then one day
    One magic day he passed my way
    While we spoke of many things
    Fools and Kings
    This he said to me:

    "The greatest thing you'll ever learn
    Is just to love and be loved in return"

    "The greatest thing you'll ever learn
    Is just to love and be loved in return"

    "The greatest thing you'll ever learn
    Is just to love and be loved in return"

    x

  2. #342
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Great post.

    I love that song, too. Have you heard Celine Dion's version, or better yet, Pomplamoose's version?


  3. #343
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Well, here I go posting twice on your thread....

    Originally Posted by mylolita
    Sometimes when I'm drifting off to sleep at night I imagine this idealised version of small town America in the deep south. Somewhere quiet and quaint and friendly, full of old passed down traditions. Never really changing. Letting the modern, rushed world happen somewhere "out there" and letting it all be of no concern or thought to this little piece of prairie America. Women creating a community while the men go off to work, children running freely between houses, playing in the woods, going in and out of neighbours houses. Women popping in for coffee and pie in each others kitchenettes. Women wearing cooking aprons during the day, everyone busy but there's a beautifully slow pace to everything. Dive bars lit up at night. Men wearing cowboy hats. Jeans. House dresses. It sends me off into a deep, dreamless sleep.
    This part of your post reminded me of the video for this song. The video doesn't seem to relate much to the song lyrics, but it somehow fits the music. I like the quiet, simple life that it portrays. People going about their daily routines, lots of land, lots of sky, not much money. The video actually makes me listen to the song more.


  4. #344
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
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    When I look at D, when he talks to me, when we touch, I can't believe anyone can be in love the way we are in love. When I look at my son, I can't believe anyone can love a baby as much as I must love him.

    I see other couples and, I don't see it. They don't touch like us, they don't talk like us. We are in our own world.

    When I broke up with my best friend, kind of, break up really, was she really my friend at all, she got me wrong, she thought she knew me but she didn't know me at all.

    We're on the phone and she wants blood, the start of a potential blazing row, and I promise myself there and then I will not swear, and I don't, and I remain completely calm. I'm doing all the talking, she is listening, passive in her car, pulled over, I'm coming out through her loud speaker and this is the last she'll ever hear of me - I think she's glad, but she's crying because baby, don't the truth just hurt. I want to hurt her, instinctively, she is so wrong, and she doesn't care about hurting me, and she is trying to hurt me, it's got that low, but what she doesn't realise is she can't tell me anything I don't already know about myself, and I freely and openly admit my faults, and I lay my wears out on the table in front for all to see and yes, if they make the decision it's clear, this is who I am. She is trying to change me. She doesn't want me to be me. I should've been more organised. I should've been a better friend. I should get myself together, I need to plan ahead, I need to work within her time frame, I need to understand. She wants to mould me into what her boring little sheep middle class mind wants out of a girlfriend, someone to drink coffee mindlessly with and pretend to have a conversation but never even listen to each other and just talk over the other one waiting for the next thing to say. She wanted an obedient little sweet pet. Problem is, she's no perfection either, yet she is demanding it from me.

    Sorry, my husband and my baby come first. First even before your hen do, if you can believe it. And I don't care how you feel about that. I hurt your feelings? You've hurt my feelings, but you don't seem to care about that, but I should care about yours even though you don't care about mine?

    How can she lie and say "You're like a f*****g sister to me". Such tripe. Drama talk. Drama, drama, drama.

    Then she says in the most horrible, snarl tone, "We all knew you wouldn't come." As if by saying that, she is going to somehow twist a dagger into me, because I am supposed to care what her other fake friends say about me behind my back? Oh they smiled at me! But now she admits they all talk about me, probably have a right laugh - I just think, how boring must their lives be to drudge my name up to make a conversation. Nothing better to do? Pitiful. And I don't care, I just don't care about any of it or what any of them think or what she thinks. All I can think is, you're nobody to me, I'm nobody to you, I don't care, we don't care, there's nothing more to say, surely. This is not a friendship.

    I try and explain why we have such a ridge between us, I try to open up and articulate to her and I can hear even in the last moments of honesty she can't even match my offering and she is scoffing whilst I talk under her upset breathing and I finish and she snaps nastily, "All you've done for the last 15 minutes is talk about yourself. Typical. Are you finished?"

    I had to hurl a pillow underneath my leg across the room. I was trying to throw her a bone. I was trying to explain, it's not you, darling... it's me. Let's move on. Nicely.

    And I've wasted an hour of my time down the phone. I'll send the bridesmaid dress back. Basically, have a nice life, again, not that I care anymore and not that you do really. So different, we were so different it just became impossible to navigate.

    She took her now husband, took the bits she didn't like and manipulated him to change over a number of years, and now he is her little dog on her lead, and that's what she wanted from me. Hunny, you picked the wrong puppy! Because I ain't your dog. We're different breeds. She knows it too.

    And from moving on from this, from getting away from social media, and leaving my old past behind, everyone who is stuck in their ways, never moving, I have felt extremely free. I hardly have any links to that old life, and I never fitted in there anyway, and I have my King by my side, and I'm his Queen, and it's us against the world, and the world often rolls with us, we have things under wraps.

    When you're happy, and when you're moving constantly towards what you want, your dreams, goals, passions - the things that make you tick - when you're true to yourself, when you're honest to your soul, you have no energy, no resources, no drive to wonder, to think, to even bother with those people who can only want to change you, bring you down, bring you to their level. They just kind of... disappear.

    Does she think about me? I don't know. Conceited as it sounds, I imagine so. Do I think about her? Sometimes. But it's less, and less, and less, until it's nearly never now.

    I dreamed about her last night, maybe for the last time. It was dark, pitch black night. I was standing in front of our house, there were only orange street lamps on, no one else around apart from I could kind of sense D was beside me somewhere. She was across the other side of the road, and she was walking away. And it was like, a vamped up version of her real life self, she was far more sexy, sassy, wearing extremely high heels. And I thought in my head, "Is she more feminine than me?" And then as if to answer my inner thoughts, D's voice was at the side of me but I still couldn't see him, and he answered, "She's more feminine than you." And I woke up. And she's not at all, not that that matters. Am I questioning my femininity lately? Am I feeling, you know, empowered some way, innerly quite a confident, masculine feeling? I don't know what dreams are trying to tell you, if they try and tell you anything at all, but I don't know, I kinda woke up with a kind of peace, but a feeling of rivalry. Am I competing against something that doesn't exist? Who knows. I just know that now, I feel great. Things are great. I feel like, so corny as this is, I am a forest, and there has been a fire, a forest fire, so destructive, and things have been raw and bleak and bare, but out of it all the drift wood has been gotten rid of and it's gone, and shoots are starting to peek through. Spring is coming. I feel renewed.

    Daily I have been overwhelmed with happiness. To the point where I feel like crying. I look at my little boy, I look at my husband, that is enough, right there. I could die now. I could die happy. I would die with peace. I have had everything already and more than most. I have conquered my own heart by giving it away. Those boys have all of it, and there is now no more room for anything else but them. Nothing else but love.

    I once worked with a lady who came in, quite new, when I worked in a corporate, legal office. My manager (whom I was assistant to) and other girls there, they used to always laugh at me, such a ditz, you know, all that. Sometimes they were quite mean. I don't care. Better to let them think you're dumb than too clever. This new lady that had started turned round when they must've been jibing me whilst I was on the phone to a client, and she said, "You think she just sits there and takes from her husband. You're wrong. She's sharp as a dart. She's a business woman."

    I kinda half stopped talking and tried to carry on speaking, I had to ask the client on the end of the phone to repeat themselves. I had never had such a compliment and such a defence from someone who had only known me a few months. I was young, she was much older, but the other women shut up instantly. I think they knew it was... true?

    You know, I give off that impression. I almost like people to get it wrong. I work all the time. I constantly support my husband. I deal with a lot of his clients also. This is all small stuff to me. I'm not bragging, I don't move mountains but it's so kind of, part of the parcel. I was there with him from the start. He came to me across that bar, a grin so cheeky, he wasn't rich, he had ideas, but I knew, I saw it in his eyes. Difference between a feline and a dog. He had a slink to him. Two minds met that night, they've been together ever since. I wouldn't change anything from the world. Yup, a ditz. A ditz when it doesn't matter. All the small things, everything everyone might think, they can think away. They can think away while I work away.

    Lo x

    You're my favorite kinda lovin
    My kinda lovin

    Stop
    Don't move a muscle
    The light is kissing your pretty face
    I can't seem to look away
    Oh, come here
    Come closer
    I could stay here with you all day
    You're a summer holiday

    This just ain't no ordinary thing we have
    I can't go back
    Upward through the ceiling into outer space
    All I can say is

    You're my favorite kinda lovin
    My kinda lovin

    You keep my head spinning
    I can't understand it
    It's our private planet
    Pushing past all the limits
    I hate to admit it
    I can't shake this feeling

    This just ain't no ordinary thing we have
    I can't go back
    Upward through the ceiling into outer space
    All I can say is

    You're my favorite kinda lovin
    My kinda lovin
    My kinda lovin

    - CLARA, 'My Kinda' Lovin'


    And I cry, I cry, even my eye cry
    But who cares?
    Who cares?
    And I cry, I cry, even my eye cry
    But who cares?
    Who cares?

    - Stefflon Don 'Hurtin' Me'

    As they say, two can play
    But keep that song away from me
    In my time too much love
    Has made me sad for so long

    I was lost, can't you see
    Through the long lonely night
    Heaven knows, I believe
    Won't you take a chance with me

    Sometimes I get so blue
    People say I'm just a fool
    All the world, even you
    Should learn to love the way I do

    I was blind, can't you see
    Through the long lonely night
    Heaven knows, I believe
    You can take a chance with me

    - Roxy Music, 'Take A Chance With Me'

    I got my money, I ain't worried about what y'all think
    Don't get it twisted, don't think I'm that type of chick

    - Amara la Negra 'What A Bam Bam'

    But you are invincible
    I can't break through your world
    'Cause you live in shades of cool
    Your heart is unbreakable
    'Cause you live in shades of cool

    - Lana Del Rey 'Shades of Cool'

  5.  

  6. #345
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Great post.

    I love that song, too. Have you heard Celine Dion's version, or better yet, Pomplamoose's version?

    Thank you Jibralta - no I haven't I am going to give this a listen!

    x

  7. #346
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Well, here I go posting twice on your thread....



    This part of your post reminded me of the video for this song. The video doesn't seem to relate much to the song lyrics, but it somehow fits the music. I like the quiet, simple life that it portrays. People going about their daily routines, lots of land, lots of sky, not much money. The video actually makes me listen to the song more.

    What a fantastic video - this is EXACTLY my feeling and thoughts whenever I think of Southern America! Sometimes I think maybe 1950's but apart from that, I loved watching this video... like my thoughts put onto the screen! Wasn't keen on the song Jibralta but the video captures that feeling I get or, kinda of my idealised version of that part of America.

    Fab, thank you.

    Lo x

  8. #347
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
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    Tonight, as I was rocking little B to sleep, I could see his beautiful face aglow by the string of moon and star lights along the wall, and he was just staring, staring at my face with a look so full of love and contentedness. After what felt like along time, he reached a hand out and placed one chubby finger at my lips, eyes still locked with mine. He put his finger into my mouth, and a huge, peaceful smile spread across his cupid bow lips. The little gap in-between his two front teeth was visible. The way to tell a real, broad smile from my little B.

    And then, with both hands clasping each side of my cheeks, he opened his mouth, still smiling that peaceful, soft, broad smile; and pulled my face towards his to kiss me for the very first time. And he wouldn't stop. Over and over, he kept smiling, staring, and pulling me gently to him, back and forth, until his lids closed, his pale, pretty lids, and his body relaxed into that deep, magical baby sleep.

    I watched a Tom Ford movie alone a few days ago, 'A Single Man', and was very impressed with its beauty and script but also extremely saddened at the same time.

    There is a line right at the end that had me blubbering. And with my son in my arms in the warm light, I realised why I had cried.

    At this time in my life, the line resonated with me. It simply and beautifully explains how I am feeling. It explains how I felt the night I met D. Those big, huge significant, life changing moments, but also the little ones, just as important. And it goes like this:

    'A few times in my life I've had moments of clarity, where the silence drowns out the noise, and I can feel, rather than think."

    I could die right now completely happy and satisfied that I have lived my life and experienced everything and more any one girl could wish for.

    Full of love.

    Lo x

  9. #348
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mylolita
    Tonight, as I was rocking little B to sleep, I could see his beautiful face aglow by the string of moon and star lights along the wall, and he was just staring, staring at my face with a look so full of love and contentedness. After what felt like along time, he reached a hand out and placed one chubby finger at my lips, eyes still locked with mine. He put his finger into my mouth, and a huge, peaceful smile spread across his cupid bow lips. The little gap in-between his two front teeth was visible. The way to tell a real, broad smile from my little B.

    And then, with both hands clasping each side of my cheeks, he opened his mouth, still smiling that peaceful, soft, broad smile; and pulled my face towards his to kiss me for the very first time. And he wouldn't stop. Over and over, he kept smiling, staring, and pulling me gently to him, back and forth, until his lids closed, his pale, pretty lids, and his body relaxed into that deep, magical baby sleep.

    I watched a Tom Ford movie alone a few days ago, 'A Single Man', and was very impressed with its beauty and script but also extremely saddened at the same time.

    There is a line right at the end that had me blubbering. And with my son in my arms in the warm light, I realised why I had cried.

    At this time in my life, the line resonated with me. It simply and beautifully explains how I am feeling. It explains how I felt the night I met D. Those big, huge significant, life changing moments, but also the little ones, just as important. And it goes like this:

    'A few times in my life I've had moments of clarity, where the silence drowns out the noise, and I can feel, rather than think."

    I could die right now completely happy and satisfied that I have lived my life and experienced everything and more any one girl could wish for.

    Full of love.

    Lo x
    *beautiful

  10. #349
    Gold Member mylolita's Avatar
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    The work of hormones must be partly at play here... cue all my soppiness.

    I have no one else to turn too apart from D and I have no one else to say, I just want to shout it out because I am over the moon but terrified at the same time!

    I found out I am pregnant again with, dum dum duuuummm, number 2! Baby on board! AGAIN!

    It feels like my little B was only tiny and curled in my arms for the first time yesterday. Everyone told me it would fly by. I never believed them but it's true. And I always wanted a small age gap, and now I have my wish I don't know whether I am insane or not now reality is starting to sink in.

    I don't want to count my chickens, these are very early days, I realise miscarriage is quite common. I am 29 and feel a sense of relief I guess through pressure I put on my own self to have two babies in my 20s. If everything goes okay with our second bubba, there will be just under 18 months between them and I will be 29 when they are born.

    It feels so strange to think of myself having two, to think of little B having a brother or sister. I don't even know if I can love another baby like I love him? Is that a taboo fear? I'm not sure. It's how I feel.

    Can I do this with two? Oh my gawd!

    Anyway, what a blatant splurge - just had to get it out there and say it! We don't want to tell anyone until quite far down with this one. I know so many friends who have experienced miscarriages lately, it just reminds you how awful it is to have that surge of complete and utter wonderment and joy, to share your news, only to have to then tell everyone it was a blip almost, it's like it never happened.

    I am slightly terrified through my excitement.

    Yes, I must be insane. Insane but pregnant. Again.

    Lo x

  11. #350
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Mar 2016
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    Congratulations!!

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