Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 24 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 235

Thread: I need to be less needy, clingy, and insecure. How?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member faraday's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    2,827
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by ManInLove
    Thank you! She did call me Sunday, and she did text with me last night, so I hope that I didn't scare her away and she does want to work it out and have this relationship. Do you think that I may have scared her away?
    How long have you been dating her?

    I need way more communication than my bf. I've told him this...and he does communicate more now....but when he doesn't- I think about him...like...how he always forgets to charge his phone, so it's probably dead...or how he never takes calls or answers texts when he's with me, and he extends that courtesy to everyone...I like that about him. I think about how hard he works..often 14 hour days....and I think about how much time he does make for me...and how when he's in town, he gives me most of his free time. I also think about how he treats me when I'm with him...and how he introduced me to his friends and family...and how he talks about things we'll do in the future.

    It's funny, I was way more concerned about how he only needs to talk every few days in the beginning...but now...now that I know him...I know everything is fine. I don't worry about it.

    Have you ever heard the "fake it 'til you make it" idea? That...you tell yourself what you need to hear until you believe it and act accordingly. Do that. Talk yourself into believing that she's legitimately living her life...and that she misses you...and one day, you'll believe it without doubt.

  2. #22
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    N/A
    Posts
    370
    Gender
    Female
    Faraday has given a very good response there. People on here a quick to give their negative view when they don't know the people and the situation.

  3. #23
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Posts
    160
    Originally Posted by faraday
    How long have you been dating her?

    Have you ever heard the "fake it 'til you make it" idea? That...you tell yourself what you need to hear until you believe it and act accordingly. Do that. Talk yourself into believing that she's legitimately living her life...and that she misses you...and one day, you'll believe it without doubt.
    We have been dating for a little over two months.

    I will try to follow your strategy. In the past when she didn't respond it was always due to valid reasons. I was just always insecure. She has never really given me a legitimate reason to doubt her. All the doubts are in my mind. As far as forgetting her phone... This has happened many times. Once she was without it for two days, another time she left it in a friend's car, still a bunch of other times she forgot to charge it. One time I got really upset over that and bought her five chargers to keep at home, at the studio, and with her at all times.

    One of my friends said that she's "free like the wind" and that I need to accept it and go with the flow... What you're saying is similar, I think.

  4. #24
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Posts
    160
    She just texted me. Her phone was dead all day and she couldn't call until she got home just now.

    Originally Posted by Flyer79
    Faraday has given a very good response there. People on here a quick to give their negative view when they don't know the people and the situation.
    For the past couple of hours I've been telling myself not to stress and to trust her. Let's see if I can make it days instead of hours. I feel like two men are battling inside me - one who loves, trusts, and respects this woman, and the insecure one who constantly worries. I hope that the second one will get squashed somehow.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    N/A
    Posts
    370
    Gender
    Female
    Glad to hear she got back to you. Don't respond straight away, leave it till tomorrow

  7. #26
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    8,806
    Originally Posted by ManInLove

    “bulletproof” asked about my upbringing. I grew up with divorced parents and until age 11 they had a somewhat shared custody. I lived sometimes with my mother, sometimes with my father, sometimes with grandparents. At 11 my father moved overseas and I was taken along. I won’t go into all the details but will say that I had a very abusive step mother there and no support from my father. Luckily I had a loving aunt.
    Okay. So be very careful that you are not choosing a woman who is unavailable in order to live out the past. Part of the attraction might be that she is unavailable, because you never resolved that when you were being moved back and forth between your parents, grandparents, and aunt. This is all just guesswork on my end, but I had a boyfriend who was very similar to you, and he had a a similar upbringing. He was always very needy because he never got what he needed emotionally from his parents.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member faraday's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    2,827
    Gender
    Female
    Idk about the "unavailable" idea just because she doesn't want to talk every day...I've been reading up on anxious attachment relationships...and about 20% of the population has this...I was in one of those relationships for a while...and I thought they were normal after that...I thought it was normal to text all day, everyday with an SO...and it's just not. Couples should do what feels right for them...but for both of them. And not...out of insecurity or fear. That's a terrible reason to do anything. If you reach out to your partner, it should be because you're telling them something or something reminded you of them....not to get an immediate response because you're worried they're cheating on you or don't love you.

    The OP's gf sounds like a person with healthy relationship boundaries...she sounds like she's trying to contact him more often...because she likes him. Op, you can use her as a model for the kind of behavior you want to embody....she seems like a good role model. Try not to over think things. And I'm glad you were able to calm your anxiety.

    Always remember...with everything in life...it's all paradigm. Whether you think you can...or that you can't...you're right. So...just decide you don't want to be an insecure person...and decide to be secure. I know it sounds like...I'm over simplifying it...but it really is a decision...and one that you can make. You control your own destiny...so own it.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    8,806
    Originally Posted by faraday

    The OP's gf sounds like a person with healthy relationship boundaries...
    I think she seems nice enough and is perhaps trying, but it's not okay that she made plans with him and then when he showed up she was nowhere to be found. She completely stood him up. That's what I mean by "unavailable." While someone standing me up very early on may have made me rethink whether I wanted to date that person, the o.p. may have been more interested *because* of this behavior (although it's probably not conscious).

    But I agree that couples should not be in constant contact every minute of the day. They should have jobs, lives, other friends and interests that keep them from doing that.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member faraday's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    2,827
    Gender
    Female
    I didn't read the other thread...I wouldn't be okay with being stood up. I mean, stuff happens...and I think it needs tone looked at to see of it a pattern. My first date with my bf...half an hour before the date was supposed to start, I asked him if he would mind meeting me somewhere else on the other side of town- I was having kid issues. If he had looked at it in a negative light...we wouldn't be together. And I haven't done that to him since.

    It's all about patterns


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Doc Blaze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Around
    Posts
    3,869
    Op I read the other thread....flaking on plans and going MIA for a few days without any kind of heads up or anything would be a done deal for me...it sounds sketchy....but you still need to deal with your insecurity issues..

Page 3 of 24 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •