Wife is different person post birth control - what to do??

I have been going crazy for months trying to understand why my wife has completely changed on me; and she is fully aware of it. I found an answer from reading studies on the web that show women change getting on/off birth control which my wife has done. Per related articles on the web in scientificamerican, mensfitness, etc, changes include:

- Taste in men changes (pheromone/scents, facial hair, strong jaw line, etc)

- Mood swings

- Increased sex drive

- Increase in likelihood of an affair

- Chances of long term marriage decrease

- etc

It's crazy to me the number of marriages happening under these pills; and a lot of professionals are recommending being both on/off the pill before marriage to ensure compatibility.

In similar fashion, my wife has completely changed on me going off the pill with many of the above. She is now seeking attention from other men including a boob job which makes me VERY uncomfortable, and I'm told it's happening - no exceptions/compromises.

In addition, she's gotten into a recent extramarital affair (cannot prove whether physical or emotional) that I caught over a secret phone call in the garage and matching up cell phone numbers to previous secretive calls while we were on vacation. I'm so angry at the deception on top of changes causing rifts in our relationship, but then read about effects of birth control pills which helped explain what might be happening to my wife. It's unreasonable to make her go back on the pill! I fell in love with a woman whose behavior was altered by medication. Where did my loving, thoughtful wife for 10+ years go?? Was our magical marriage not meant to be ???

Completely perplexed ...

Your wife had an affair and wants a boob job and is seeking attention from other men because she is dissatisfied with your marriage. This cannot be.blamed on birth control pills or the lack there of.

Your sources don't sound like the most reliable.

I agree with mhowe. She isn't happy with your marriage. Address that, don't blame it on an outside source.

Mayo Clinic: link removed

That's very possible. The reason I did not think so is because we have a relationship where we share what we're dissatisfied with and work on it - and my wife agrees she has changed since getting off the pill.

Here are some related article titles since I cannot post URLs:

scientificamerican: birth-control-pills-affect-womens-taste

cnn: birth-control-may-affect-long-term-relationships

Birth control CAN affect people, but not to this extent.

While it is true that some women change while on the pill, it doesn't excuse her cheating and shadiness, the pill doesn't lower morals and doesn't turn women into liars.

Having said that, I was a completely different person while on the pill. Looking back at the guys I was attracted to while on the pill, I cannot even fathom why I was attracted to them, or felt chemistry with them, or acted as codependent as I did. Off the pill I see things more clearly, I feel attraction to a completely type of men and I am more inclined to think things through before jumping in. I sometimes stand beside guys I was extremely attracted to, and feel nothing. Artificial hormones do change things for some women. But I was never inclined to cheat regardless if I was on or off the pill.

There are multitudes of bc pills on the market now. If the side effects of one brand cause issues, you make an appt with your gyno and change brands.

Or change your method of bc. You don't cheat, get a boob job and lower your moral standards.

Bc can make women more moody/less moody, gain weight, more temperamental, emotional ect ect but it doesn't make women cheat and want boob jobs.

Listen, don't make excuses for her behavior. The pills aren't making her this way, she was already this way, she's just being more bold about it now.

Cheating and running around and chasing other men when married is a moral defect, not a biochemical one. I suspect she's discovered that marriage is not her cup of tea, and she prefers to run around as it is more exciting.

You don't say how old your wife is or the circumstances of your marriage, but I suspect this is just a sign that she's on her way out of the marriage is she's making chasing men her full time occupation.

Wife is in early 30s - I think she's chasing validation from other men which gets her into trouble ever since we met in college. And until recently over a decade, she has not been in that mode, but apparently everyone changes regardless of reason; and I hope to do something bold if I get a midlife crisis - prob not a boob job

But do think the comment about being more bold about things post BCP is really insightful.

Actually, birth control can affect a woman alot more than you realise, although not as much as OP is saying. Basically it comes down to the mind assuming it is pregnant and not in need of a mate. So her taste in men is altered as she is no longer looking for a father. So women can find themselves no longer attracted to their long term partner, usually after marriage, when they come off the pill. Its all a bit crazy!

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But your wife seems to be having a mid life crisis and you are afraid to face up to it and are making excuses.