Breaking off an engagement.....

Hello,

I'm a 26 year old girl that just broke things off with my boyfriend and would like to feedback. I been dating a guy for about 2 years that we got very serious very fast. He is 29 years old. Our problems began when we first moved in together about a year ago, I started to notice he was very dependent and did not take care of his money. He never put his money towards us and usually spent if on his own interest. Which is fine but with time it got worst. A few months ago he received a his refund and I highly advise him to save money in case there was an emergency. Well he did not listen to my advice and spent all his money on his car. I advise him to save money just in case something ever happen with his job he won't have to worry about his car payments, while he looks for a job. But he ignore my advice. The problem began when I notice I would spend more money towards our necessities. I tried to talk to him about it but he felt that I was nagging and on his case and broke things off with me. A few weeks go by and I get into an accident. He finds out about the accident and offers to sell his gaming computer to help pay for the repairs of my car. I found that to be very sweet and I took him back. A few days later he proposed. A part of me felt I shouldn't of said yes and rushed into it. But a part of me felt that if he went through the trouble to sell his computer to help me financially he must love me to want to change. I said yes.

A few weeks go by and I end up pregnant. We decided to have an abortion (yes this was very hard for me). However, because he had no savings. I had to pay for the procedure. I end up in the hospital for about a week due to an illness I have and was out of work. During my hospital visit, I come to find out that one morning my boyfriend got frustrated with his boss and walked out of work. He quit his job. I tried not to stress it and support him as a wife. I told him it would be okay he will find another job and meanwhile we will do whatever is needed to move forward.

I paid the rent and his car that months to help him. He gets a job but the pay is a lot less. I told him he didn't need to worry about paying me back. I just wanted him to do whatever to get out of debt. He lost track of his bills, which lead to his bank account becoming negative and too high to pay back. At this point, I am still trying and hoping this is just a setback.

I work a full time 80 hours job and I go to school half time. I picked up a second job and started working overtime on my primary job to help with the finance. I did whatever is possible to help him. I notice that if I wanted to plan a vacation or do anything outside the house, I would have to pay. I paid for almost 75% of the household expenses. But within the first month of him working at his new job, he called out. He claims that his stomach hurt and he couldn't leave the restroom. However, I found it odd that the day he called out, his friend was over the house the entire day. I came home very upset and tried to explain to him that he shouldn't risk losing his job. Especially now that he finally is able to make payments towards his debt. He admitted it was immature.

This started to affect the say I felt about him. I felt like his mother and not his wife. I felt that he did not care that I use all the money I had saved to help him and our situation. I kinda felt alone and that he wasn't putting his part. I don't want someone to pay for everything but I would like someone that takes care of his money. He seemed to always spend because he knew I would always help him.

The last straw was this past weekend, he was going to the movies with his friend. I asked if I could tag along. He said sure. However, by me tagging along, it meant that we went in my car, I paid for both his and my tickets (which were like $30). Then we ate at the movie. He offered to give me $20 so we could have some drinks before the movies. When we got to the movies, we did not drink but ate instead. The next day, he ask me for the $20 back because "we didn't end up drinking." I was upset because he didn't take into account what I did spent on. I said yes but we ate instead. But he said I could just pay him back when i got paid on Friday. So when I tried to talk to him about it, it turned it a bad argument. He asked for his ring back and that was that.

Sorry for my extremely long story, I would like some input from others. But is it okay to always help someone but that person can't ever help you? Is it wrong to leave a man you love because financially it affecting your relationship. I do not want someone to pay for all my needs. But is it wrong to want someone that at least meet you halfway? I felt taken advantage of. I felt like even if we were engaged, we would never be able to save up for a wedding.

Go no contact with him. Completely. Snub him. If he happens to come crawling back, you guys need to seriously compromise on some things. You need to lay off the nagging and he needs to step it up. You both need to make some drastic changes if you BOTH want a future together. BOTH of you need to have a mature discussion. Now is not the time though. He kicked you to the curb.

He dumped you. Took the ring... Now, you need to cut him off. Leave him hanging and see if and how he responds to that. No contact. Period. Good luck.

Honestly, it does seem like he is immature and is taking advantage of you. After he quit his job, if you were paying the rent and for his car, what was he spending all his money on that he went into so much debt?

The whole $20 deal is ridiculous and an engaged couple should not be arguing about these things. Ask yourself why you are with him. Is it just because he sold that computer for you? What are his qualities that are keeping you with him? Now, you've had two years to see what he is like. Are you ready to spend the rest of your life with him the way he is after all?

I say he is a lost cause but this is your decision.

Good luck!

You did the best thing for both parties by ending things. He sounds manipulative, irreponsible, immature, and like he was using you.Not the description of someone who is ready for a relationship (let alone marriage). You need to set better boundaries in future relationships. Set clear guidelines for what you'd expect from the other peron before moving in with them. That way no resentments can be formed

Wow. This dude is horrible. You are better off without him!

You're working TWO JOBS - one that is 80 hours a week and another part time! - plus going to school! What is his excuse? I've been in a live in relationship like this and this dude is lazy and has jo ambition. It wears you down and you lose attraction as you lose respect for him.

You're free! Trust me, you will get over this in time and find someone much better.

I think you did the best thing you could have done for yourself. Guy sounds selfish and he would make your life miserable in the long run.

Keep moving on and don't second guess your decision.

Good guys always pay for their gals to get an abortion...sounds like this guy has a lot of growing up to do....You shouldn't stick with him and should find a real man that can act as an equal partner and doesn't look to you for everything.

He has some growing up to do, and won't do it if you're there to bail him out. You did the both of you a favor. Stay strong!

You dodged a bullet with this one.

P.S. If you really want to save money on refreshments at the movie theater... Sneak your own snacks in. I buy mine from a convenient store or make popcorn at home, put it in sandwich ziplock bags and take a coke can along. You're a woman and we carry big purses to movie theaters for a reason... Use it! And guys... Cargo shorts have huge pockets.

You definitely made the right decision, people thay lazy dont change. You would have spent the rest of your life working your butt off to pay for everything in the relationship. Move forwards and find someone who will respect you.

It been almost a week since the break up and I am having such a hard time. I did a stupid mistake and had my friend convince me to do some tarot reading. They predicted everything that happened and said he will come back but that I should not look for him. Also, that he is the man that will bring me a lot of happiness. Well since i heard that, I've been even more emotional then ever. I did the mistake of contacting him and telling him what I did and what they told me. He though it was ridiculous and insisted he did not ever want a relationship with me. This break up has been very hard for me. I do love him but I have no idea why I am beating myself up over this.

I think you should get into some therapy. I suspect that your abortion is making you more emotionally dependent on him.

Your self-esteem has let you get used, impregnated, and abandoned by a loser/moocher. You have to start believing that you deserve better or nothing else will be better.

Why are you beating yourself up over this? Several reasons. 1. You're human.. I mean seriously any time spent with someone that excessively and you're going to miss that person. You're not a robot who can freely give up emotion and put your heart aside... part of me wants to believe that no one is like that no matter how cruel they may seem.

2. because you cant help who you love. Everyone will have a judgement about your significant other, but the only thing that mattered at the time was that you loved him. 3. you were attached. It is common to have issues detaching yourself from something or someone after a long time. Ever notice if you hang out with one of your friends who says something differently or acts differently you start acting differently? You get attached to other people, its natural.

Now all that aside, I think the advice you've received here was solid. You know deep down inside that if you weren't human, weren't attached and didn't love him you wouldn't think twice about leaving him. Think about someone doing these things within the first three months of a relationship. Would it have been easier to leave? You need to detach. It will take time and everything will remind you of him, unfortunately, but start doing things that you've wanted to do that he never did. Ex: go bike riding, take dance lessons, etc. It will be hard for you to find the motivation right now but just push urself out the door and youll start feeling better. Also don't beat yourself up saying you did "stupid" things by going to a psychic. I've done it even tho I don't believe in it and Im sure a ton of others here have as well. Its completely normal to search for closure.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. You are absolutely right. I am trying so hard but I find myself hoping I wake up from this nightmares. I know I deserve better but I can't help but to be hurt by the situation. I find myself beating myself up over something I wish I had more control over.

The first step, is to keep busy. Trust me. Before my mom passed away she used to have this powerful saying "Your mind is your own worst enemy." Absolutely true. The more time you sit and recollect the worse you will be. Keep busy, LEAVE the house. Just get up and go NO where if you have to. Take a long drive, somewhere you've wanted to go for a long time and haven't been able to. Listen to some good music (that doesn't remind you of him, obviously). There are hundreds of us on this website going through exactly what you are and even more you don't know about.

You have to put yourself first now because that is exactly what he is doing and what you need to do to move on.

So I just took some of my own advice and walked through the HOOD in the dark... took a two mile walk. And I can 100% confirm its being in this house that's killing me. It was hard for me to drag myself out of it but once I did I felt AMAZING... I didn't want to walk back in! I was listening to some good music, dancing and singing in the street and people were laughing at me but IDGAF I felt good for once in two weeks. Leave your house it will help TREMENDOUSLY.

So I just took some of my own advice and walked through the HOOD in the dark... took a two mile walk. And I can 100% confirm its being in this house that's killing me. It was hard for me to drag myself out of it but once I did I felt AMAZING... I didn't want to walk back in! I was listening to some good music, dancing and singing in the street and people were laughing at me but IDGAF I felt good for once in two weeks. Leave your house it will help TREMENDOUSLY.

Yes I made plans with myself to go out and ride bike. It has always helped me clear my mind before