Am I wasting my time in this relationship - Confused, lonely and rejected

I am 34 years old and have been with my boyfriend 7 years this September. He is the same age as me. We had a loving, healthy relationship early on for about 4 years but the last 2.5 years have been very rocky, we have split up 3 times and got back together.

In the last 2.5 years I have had a stressful time, 1.5 years of contacting at various companies then I got offered as permanent job recently, my mum has demetia and I have had health problems which have resulted me in not having sexual intercourse.

3 years ago he compared me to my twin sister, saying she was slimmer and more successful than me, I was 11.2, I now weigh 9.12 I have always felt that this has affected my confidence and he has yelled and shouted at me on 5 occasions in public.

We have been living together for 2 years now and back in March last year I was feeling rather scared of the future so I confronted him about baby/marriage talk as it was important to discuss this. His reaction was that he has commited to me by living in our flat (rented) and that I was making demands? I felt hurt by this as he then went on and said the following;

We don't have £20k for a wedding - I never asked for this

You only want a ring to show off - I am not that type of woman

Who would we invite?

He then said I should freeze my eggs and said that women were having babies in their 40's. In September of last year we broke up. I had an operation and was dignosed with Endometrosis, further issues have developed since then. We got back together in October as I missed him, things were fine for a while and then I started to become angry, depressed and hurt as I was dealing with feeling unwell and not having the support from him during this time.

He would say things like, I might as well chop off my p*****. He would then have a go at me calling me lazy and that I was using a lot of toliet paper because I was urination like 50 times a day on bad days!!

I decided in April of this year to buy my own place, he has felt suprised of this and think this is my only way forward. I don't know whether it is a good idea to move forward on my own. During my time in the flat I paid half for everything and bought a rug, table lamp, mirror and dressing table. Most of the other stuff was his. I amde it clear that I would buy more furniture when I buy my own place/ours as I didn't have as many savings as him. I had 11k when I moved in he had 35k.

I have always been kind, generous and caring and just feel like I have been taken for granted.

Any advice would be very much appreciated.

Natasha

7 years is way too long IMHO not know you want to get married or make some form of commitment to each other. I think wanting to have a baby or get married is totally natural in a 7 year relationship. Sadly I think if these things haven't happened by now, they are never going to happen and your just wasting your time.

I can understand his frustration at not having sex, but then he should be supportive of you if you have had surgery and can't have sex and not acting like a ass.

Honestly he sounds immature, I'd ask myself if I wanted to waste any more time.

At the end of the day all you can really ask yourself is "where is this going?"

It sounds as if you have had the marriage talk and the answers he gave you weren't the ones you were looking for. Do you really want to be married? There is no shame in saying yes. But, I think to continue this relationship at its current course this man isn't showing you any intentions of being married to you.

So many women make the mistake of "I've already put too much time into this" or "I'm sure he will come around"... these are all delusions of someone not wanting to read the writing on the wall.

You need to have an honest talk - first with yourself and then with your partner. "I love you, but I would like to know where you see our relationship....." Have it over dinner or cocktails. Keep it light but make it clear you are looking for X, Y and Z. If he is unable to recognize your needs and desires is he really a true partner for you? I think you have this talk and you be prepared to move out and on with your life. Don't sell yourself short. You deserve what you desire.

You've split up more than once.

He humiliates you in public

he hurts you emotionally re: your sister

He sounds so selfish! I'd suggest you move on and into your own place. He doesn't need to hurt you in these ways!

You should not even want to take things any further with this immature, insensitive, emotionally abusive jerk. I can only imagine what a marriage with him would feel like. I'd much rather be single forever than with someone like him :s

Why do this to yourself?

Becoming unwell and realising that he has not been there for me has made me reassess this relationship.

I need to focus on myself, my health and moving things forward with my property purchase which is now at the stage of valuation and I have paid a hefty deposit which really shows how serious I am about making this change.

Thank you for all your advice, I have often felt like I could over analyse things but clearly I havent.

The guy is a jerk. He's comparing you to other women (always a no-no), he's making mean comments about your biological clock, you bring up marriage and he doesn't place much value on you--and I'm not saying spend big money on a wedding and a ring but that not the important thing. He's finding excuses not to commit.

Look, it has been seven years. If he was going to commit, he would have done it by now.

As for the sex thing, I hope you will eventually be able to be intimate with a partner again. If there's a temporary inability to have intercourse, and your partner is a kind man, I would suggest you find other sexual activities you can do to satisfy him aside from intercourse. But that's just for future reference because this guy isn't a good guy.

Eventually you might meet a good guy who is worthy of fathering your children. But you won't be able to have a relationship with that unknown man unless you first ditch the loser you're with now. Good luck with your property purchase and your new life.

I know it's painful, but you should scrutinize the early days of the relationship for mistakes made; and then vow not to repeat them.

All I can say is make sure that property you are buying is yours and not ours. Make sure he is not moving in with you again. Close that chapter, boot him out. You asked him the questions and he gave the answers - ones you don't want to hear, but must. You two are not walking on the same path and not heading in the same direction. Given everything else that you've said about him, you are better off without him. After 7 years, doing without is hard, but this time leave him and stay strong about it. Don't fall back. You can't meet the right man and have the life that you want while bogged down with someone like him.

Thank you for your kind message, it has made me feel much more confident about myself and the future.

I am going to also work on bonding with my twin sister as that was badly damaged a few years ago with the comparing and I want to build on that now.