there he goes. i'm told Salvatore has arrived. i hope it was a pleasant journey.
there he goes. i'm told Salvatore has arrived. i hope it was a pleasant journey.
good night mum. i love you.
if you drop by tonight, clear the cloud of doubt away for me. i will act with certainty.
mum i could use some help deciding whether to switch to private practice. not really sure i want to be staying if A isn't suspended, so it would be between the new offer or back to the institute. possibly great versus old but safe. kinda need to decide by april.
also, staying despite A*does* benefit everyone else, and i'm beyond feeling upset about her in the least...so...?
i have a nagging suspicion that A will be history before april though. it would take some sort of magic for that not to happen.
i can't believe it. three years. that can't be?! still feels so fresh and raw.
i remained frozen in that still mum, the medlar tree cut down to a stump.
oh!! and thanks!! forgot i got the answer to that!Originally Posted by RainyCoast
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Mom,
Your name sake, there is no sadness like the one of wishing you could enjoy her in an earthly way. She would please your soul. Maybe she does. I feel she has gotten the best of both of us, you and me, and much of our least effective parts have been filtered out. You know that quiet knowing smile you have? When she achieves, smile that smile. Because you've never doubted it. That is who this gal is. Her friends were telling her how much weight she has gained. It's true, she has. You know what she said? It doesn't matter what I weigh, it only matters how strong I am. How amazing is that, for a female teen with an absent father no less? Yeah, I know. Your mom, right? Your mom had that way about her? Her namesake, too. The beauty that emanates from her face! She is of your gene pool. Her face is familiar. We know this face. It lights up and I see generations, I see cousins, I see people I have never met. They all are there, bringing their warmth and their love with them and shining in her light.
Thank you Mom. You have shaped your grandchildren. They are sun and moon, corporal embodiment of all that is and all that can be. Space has no limits when writ on their faces, I could watch those faces and see planets never before known, slip between time so that it folds upon itself, me still absorbed in their faces, traveling the universe. You taught me how to love, Mom, and I tried it. I tried it with these two, and it worked! All love and faith and constancy, and they will do the rest.
Gosh dang it all I miss you.
Miss you, thought when I brought you back home with me I would feel you here with me at least a little, because I know you loved me and wouldn't want me to not feel you still around me, but I haven't felt anything at all. Why won't you let me know you are still here in that small way? Would help me if you did. Even through my dreams but nothing it makes it that much more painful and difficult. Still balancing sad and angry. xx
Bruce- I miss you. Been thinking a lot about the dream of you I had when you first passed over. I guess I get why when I asked u to take me with u, you said it wasn't time yet, but still damn I miss you. Maybe some day soon I'll see you again, untill then remember you have a grandson that still loves and misses you and granny.
Mom - this is going to be a hard hitch, you've always texted me when I first get to the boat just to make sure I got here and to see what shift I was working. You've been gone 2 weeks today and it's going to be so weird not getting texts or calls from you while I'm out here. I went by your house last night under the guise of looking for paperwork, but in all honesty it was as much just to go by there. I'm trying to hold it together here but there are times when it's hard. I'm sure you know, but part of your ashes are riding shotgun in my truck with me and here on the boat. Maybe it was selfish, but I couldn't cremate your rings with you. So I'm getting LB to design a man's ring using your rings. Also sure you know, I put some of Floyds ashes in with yours so y'all are together physically too. Also mixed some of yalls ashes and sprinkled them over Molly's grave where we buried her in your back yard and placed a yellow flower there. I know it's not much but I guess that's y'all three back together physically as well. I can't bring myself to switch your phone off and let someone else have your number, so I let the battery run down and put it back in the box and put it in a cubbyhole at my house. Hope everything is going good and you are enjoying your time with Floyd, get a chance sometime come visit me in a dream. I love you, see you soon
It's so weird not being able to just text you. I mean I could but I wouldn't get a response bc your phone is in a cubby hole of my desk at my house. I know I knew it was coming but that don't mean it's not weird knowing your not here anymore. Happy mothers day
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