sick of this lifestyle

Getting tired of being single. Whenever im single, I go out often, drink more than I should. Make mistakes. Spend a lot of money.

Whenever I'm in a relationship, im much happier. I want to be able to go home to someone. Be affectionate. Spend time doing absolutely nothing & enjoying their company.

Im a pretty girl. Im not stuck up or full of myself to admit that. I have guys all the time ask me out so finding a guy isn't the problem. It's finding the right guy.

Im attracted to such losers.. gangster type, tattoos, criminals,"bad boys". Guys that have been in jail or going to end up there.

Its the lifestyle im in. Like I said, I party too much when im single and its around all the wrong people. Cocaine. Alcohol. Crime. It's everywhere I go.

I just want to run away from this place. Its like a dark hole im being dragged into.

I just wish I could find a guy with a genuine caring heart who respects women. But with a little bit of an edge. That will put me in my place when I need it. I need a relationship to be tamed down or else im running wild only hurting myself in the long run.

How do i escape this lifestyle?

You have to want to escape that type of lifestyle.

Reach further in life that what is expected of you. You don't want to drink as much -- then say no when asked to go out, it's okay to not party 5 out of 7 days a week.

You know they type of guy you usually end up with, so STOP going after those type of guys. Set a standard for yourself, maybe not someone who is a criminal or could possibly be a criminal. Tattoos don't necessarily mean they are a criminal, I have a ton of friends who are covered in Tats and are probably some of the most genuinely nice people I have ever met.

You know the lifestyle you are currently is draws trouble, its time to pack up and leave that life style. If you're job allows it, ask for a transfer away from all of that and start somewhere new and fresh.

If you want out, you have to get yourself out.

You need to start by actively pursuing the lifestyle you want. First of all, do you think you have a drug and/or alcohol problem? If so, start by getting help for it. Counseling, rehab, NA or AA meetings or other support group type things. Do the fake it til you make it as far as being an all around healthy person. Seek out assistance from other people who are emotionally healthy. Find friends who aren't into the criminal and party scene. You can do this by seeking out people at work, taking classes, joining groups you are interested in. Do this to find ways to be social and enjoy the company of others without partying. Learn to have fun and enjoy life w/out alcohol and drugs.

Only you can make the changes necessary to live a different life. It also takes support and feedback from other people who are emotionally healthy. Counseling may be a good idea whether you think you have an addiction problem or not.

I'm also curious about the sentence "will put me in my place when I need it". What does that mean?

Your future bf will not want to be your parent.

To find him you must make better choices and change your social circle.

The man you seek is not looking for a feral child.

Okay, if you go for those kind of guys... Why do you think that's attractive to you? Does their impulsive trait remind you of adventure? Then that's what you should search for, a guy who's open to adventures, possibly a type B (I think that type is more spontaneous?). You set the standards. No criminals. No instability in jobs, relationships, and emotion-wise. You want someone who's kind (I'm assuming) but still with traits you like. Reject the guys who ask you out because you want better and have respect to yourself for what you want.

I dont think it is a good start to be blaming these problems you have on being single. First step is to recognize it is you making these choices.

And you are going to attract and be attracted to losers if you have an attitude of "need a man who can put me in my place". Think about that statement for a minute!!

It's not about getting a man. It's about getting your own / together. It's time.

I think you got good answers and suggestions in your other thread on the topic.

I also like people who are confident and command respect but there's a big difference between that and a guy who keeps you on your toes by being a "bad boy". Be sure you know the difference. I often went out with groups of people who drank too much -I just chose not to -as you can. There are many activities to get involved in that don't involve alcohol as the focal point. And, you are right that you have to get your attraction to bad boys out of your system if you want a meaningful, long-lasting relationship.

Sorry guys I didnt mean to associate tattoos with being a criminal. I just was trying to give you a visual image of the type of guys i date and only seem to be physicslly attracted to.. big jacked up guys on steroids, with tattoos, gold jewerly who end up being drug dealers. I know its ridiculously shallow.. ive dated nice guys too, well tried but could never "fall" for or have feelings for. It always seems to be the complete a**hole who I end up falling for and then ultimately getting hurt by.

"put me in my place" wasnt a great choice of words on my behalf. I just meant someone that is strong, outspoken, masculine. Will tell me when I get out of line, because I probably can be a lot to handle at times. I dont want someone that lets me walk all over them.

In a real, healthy relationship. Both people need to be whole first as individuals for it to work and be successful. I know this thats why iv chosen to stay single & figure nyself out first but im getting lonely & im going out too much. Drinking more than normal, surrounding myself witg the wrong people & then getting depressed.

Im the only one that can change this. This post was more just me venting on my life right now.

Then, you probably would go for nice men who are also self assured and confident, and definitely not a doormat. I don't agree when you say you're a lot to handle, in the way of... I think it's smart to want someone who isn't a doormat instead of a pushover, but... you also can't be "too much to handle." You have to learn how to handle yourself because it's those type of guys you'll like... They wouldn't want to handle that anyway. Why? Too much respect to be a doormat if there's too much drama or trouble or whatever it is.

What I'm trying to say... The guy you want to attract? You have to be the women that'll attract the right guys.

You're right…only YOU can change this. You're talking about it, thinking about it, but you fall into what is comfortable and that is partying, emptying your wallet, meeting and spending time with no-good losers.

You have to actively make that change. Start small. How often do you party? Cut back on two of those nights a week. Stop going out so much. Join a local group or a gym and take classes, go to the coffee shop, join an online dating site, and get back to the real you. Partying is an escape. You are in denial…and I mean that nicely. Stop escaping, start living. Do you have a job? Go to dinner or lunch with coworkers, build yourself up a bit. Start a blog about what you WANT in life. It will remind you, in a public way, of the things that you wish for.

And stop hanging around cocaine. You could die. Mix it with alcohol, it's only a matter of time before you're the one behind bars. You have to have enough inner strength to dig yourself out of this endless hole. It is possible. Seek a therapist or counselor even. Take the reigns, girl.