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Thread: Boyfriend earns much more. Comes across as stuck up and snobby

  1. #1

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    Boyfriend earns much more. Comes across as stuck up and snobby

    I've been dating a guy for about 2 months now. Everything is great. We click really, really well. We are both very well educated. His field happens to pay much more than mine (finance v. education). He makes about 40% more than I do. I also have alot more debt than he does, as his parents help him and mine do not help me. He knows my situation and it doesn't bother him; but for some reason it bothers me.

    Sometimes when we talk or have casual conversation he comes accross as very demeaning towards people who are poor or uneducated. It really rubs me the wrong way. It is obviously way to early to meet families, however now I am worried because his family is really wealthy and mine is really poor.

    I know that this should not be an issue, but money is the #1 reason relationships fail. Everything is going great. My concern is that we get very deep and then this becomes an issue. I'm not sure if I should just ignore my feelings and see what happens or address them and possibly make him really uncomfortable. I mean it's my issue and not his, correct?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Dating is about getting to know someone and seeing if you are compatible with them. If he's demeaning toards the poor, that's who he is. I pesonally wouldn't want to date someone like that.

  3. #3
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    Nothing to do with his income or background -just has to do with his values. He happens to have different values about how to treat people than you do and it is reflected in his views about people who have less money than he does. I wouldn't have a problem with him having opinions about individual people who might be poor because they've made bad or illegal choices but if he is generalizing about "all" poor people or "all" people who are wealthy I would have a problem with that. Once again though I wouldn't point to his background or salary as why he has these values. I know people who are wealthy and very generous and people who are poor and narrow-minded.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I think it bothers you because he looks down on people who are poor and because you and your family have less money than him, you worry that he'll look down on you too.

    I think you're just seeing him for who he really is.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Two months is not that big of an investment, you're still learning about one another--and no, you should not ignore your gut on this feeling.

    People show us who they are. Don't close your eyes.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    I think he's showing his true character and if it bothers you, you need to trust your gut instinct. Thankfully you have only been together a very short time - don't ignore the red flags.

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    I'll do a quick follow up:

    Batya is correct. I guess he doesn't generalize as a whole. He seems to have an issue with people who he says "chooses to be poor". We definitely have different values. I'm a compassionate liberal and he is a corporate conservative. We have already discussed our political differences and that is not really an issue....anymore.

    Again, he knows I don't make much and he doesn't seem to mind it. I am just concerned about ending a relationship that is otherwise really good based upon my own insecurities.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I am more of the "conservative" and I was in a LTR in the past with someone a lot like yourself who was very trusting, non-judgmental, etc. We bumped heads when it came to talking about certain things. He'd take more of the "Well that person was just going through a hard time" when I was definitely more judgmental. Our relationship ended for other reasons, but it was a ly spot for us.

    I don't think I'd dump someone for having opposite views than me but if it really bothers you, then I'd say it's early enough to split.

  10. #9
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by eastburg
    He seems to have an issue with people who he says "chooses to be poor".
    For a man who is supposedly very well educated, he seems to have missed the boat on that one, as I cannot for the life of me imagine anyone on this planet "choosing to be poor". Seriously? Clearly he has no idea what it feels like not to have money and to struggle on a daily basis. If he did, he wouldn't make such ignorant statements.

    Secondly, the fact that you say you two definitely have different values ...... maybe it's time to re-think this relationship.

  11. #10
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Arrogance is a really bad character flaw. I would run away. Personally for myself I could never be with somebody who is arrogant. It is only by accident of birth he wasn't born in poorest Africa and he should remember that.

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