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Thread: "Are you sure you're not settling?" Help please.

  1. #21
    Silver Member
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    Ok. Well I am not *quite* sure how you can see me saying that from what I have written. Anyhow, I am now more content with my feelings on the matter and appreciate the responses.

    I know for myself: I have no yearning or feeling of being 'jipped' from not being with someone else. As I stated I feel I have enough experience with the human race having met so many people at this point to be rather aware of who I click with. Everyone would be compared to this guy. People change so maybe years from now I will feel differently but as it stands, I want for nothing with my current relationship. I am happy as a clam Just wanted to get opinions.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member superfan's Avatar
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    It's possible that your friend is threatened by the fact that you feel this relationship is so stable. She might be afraid that you are "growing away" from her, and changing as a person....and part of that will be true.

    If you are the type of person who has lived in all kinds of places and never really "settled" down with anybody, then doing so must come as a shock to her (and seem like a real change in personality). She might question if it is really "you" that wants it or if you are just going along with society's expectations. She might also (as I suggested before) feel the friendship is threatened (and maybe not even realize it).

    Also, I was the same kind of person you are in the sense that I never really had any solid relationships before I met my husband - the odd fling/FWB or hook-up, but nothing really relationshippy.

    My husband was the first real solid relationship.I met him when I was 24 and I have not questioned a second of it. We were EXTREMELY LDR at first (he lived in Scotland and I live in Canada). We went through being apart for months at a time to me moving continents and eventually him immigrating to Canada. I moved to live with him after having only spent 20 days actually in his presence (the rest was online communication). People questioned the safety of it, the wisdom - told me I was being foolish, etc. We have known the whole time it was worth it and have been married for almost 5 years now.

    If you believe you know too, then don't second guess yourself - no matter what anybody says.

  3. #23
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    Thank you, TVnerdgirl. Reading your response I think you've hitting the nail on the head.

    In the decade-plus time I have been best friends with her, she has never seen me in a serious relationship. I have seen her with two other serious guys but the one she is with now will be her husband. I think while she is used to seeing me move around here and there, me being so in love with this guy maybe throws her for a loop. Thinking back, when he and I literally first got together, she and I were on vacation and she said "I don't ever want to see you get hurt or feel heartbreak, I am so happy for you but I just want you to be ok."

    Now, she of course had no reason to allude that my partner would hurt me or break my heart -- she I think just was very taken aback that I was now in a relationship for the first time ever. And now that we are two years in, and strong and talking seriously about the future, I think that 'wanting to protect' me kicked in again. I know she means well but she is an insanely emotional person and sees me as her sister. She really likes my BF; they've met a few times and she goes out of her way to tell him happy birthday or say hi etc., but I think she is just feeling the change I have gone through and she's realizing I've "grown up" in essence. Good point you made. Maybe that's why I came on here to question that. I know in my heart and soul I haven't and don't have doubts about the boyfriend himself or the future I want with him…I think it's just that coming from me best friend I was like "uhhh…what?" I mean, no one else has brought that 'what if' up to me so I think she's just being protective.

    I am very happy for you and your husband. Marriage takes work and dedication but it is so worth it to be sharing a life with the person who is your best friend, confidant, and lover.

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