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Thread: she came over and we talked

  1. #1
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    she came over and we talked

    So the ex came over with some stuff I asked a mutual friend to get and she was pissed at me. Called me immature for not asking for it myself and blah blah blah. We ended up talking for a bit and I told her unless she wants to talk about trying again i'm don't want to talk to her. Asked her again why she ended it and she said that she felt I was more of an obligation, that she wanted to be single and be free to do whatever. Still don't think she likes someone else and just doesn't want to be tied down. She said she still cares for me and misses me as a friend and I am still her best friend (and she is/was mine). I said the same but that I only see her as a potential romantic partner and am not willing to be friends with her. She wouldn't look me in the eye and seemed really anxious the whole time which was kind of funny. I told her that I will not be talking to her for at least a few months cause i'm just going to be me (she got mad when I said that asking if that included hating her) and that we will talk later down the line so we can start over everything.

    Did I do ok? Wasn't really ready for this so it was without any real planning and emotional preparedness (wasn't fighting back tears but if I tried I could have cried) I'm still very attracted to her and all that jazz. Just want to know if I did this right (I know someone will say I shoulda slammed the door in her face

    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Did you do ok? So ... what was your goal for that conversation?

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    I didn't really have one, very unexpected conversation. Did i say too much, should I have said something?

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    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Cannot judge it if there was nothing you were trying to get out of it.

    You aren't trying to get back with her or be friends so I'd just stop thinking about it. IT's a waste of energy.

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    Thanks, you're right I need to not think about it. I do want to get back together as of now/ would be willing to give it a try (less than a month post breakup) but I did some honest reflection and I know that I need to work on myself (I really let myself go) and fix some of my issues (super clingy) before I would be ready for another shot with her. I don't plan to pine over her (and have been trying hard not to) and I have been meeting other girls. I just want to keep my options open and I realize that the way I connected with her was rare even though I know it will happen with others. I really just need time to get over her again before I see her and I don't plan on having any contact whatsoever for 3 months minimum. I'm going to reevaluate at that point and see what I want because I know it will likely be different than how I feel now.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member sharky988's Avatar
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    I think you did a great job at setting some boundaries for yourself and letting her know you wouldn't be in contact for the next several months so you can heal. Also that she shouldn't contact you unless it's to get back together.

    So -- well done!

    As far as her not being able to look you in the eye.... that's easy, she's feeling guilty because she's probably got someone else on the horizon.

    The takeaway here, as I see it, is that you did a good job setting boundaries, you finished exchanging stuff, and can now begin NC for good. You don't need to work on "changing yourself" for her -- or any girl, ever. The One for you will love you just the way you are, clinginess and all -- although you probably won't feel the need to be clingy with a girl who's really in love with you!

    Time to get to work on distracting yourself and healing! Good time to take on a new project, hobby or life goal for yourself.

    If you haven't seen it already, here's a guide that will help you: link removed

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    ^^^^^^^^^^
    She speaks the truth!!! Every post!

    I think you did perfect.

  9. #8
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    Thanks Sharky and muskrats. I know what you mean about my clingy-ness but looking back it got out of control and I feel like I have some dependency issues to work out before I can really be ready for a LTR. And I know there is a chance she is lying to me but I honestly do feel she doesn't like someone right now (again, been best friends for a pretty long time and I feel inclined to believe her), but on that same note, I don't really care (and I won't find out anyway because I blocked her on everything). She can do whatever she wants and I'm going to focus on me. I feel the guilt is more because she does still care for me (although you know more than I do I'm planning on reevaluating in a few months and hope I can become someone I love, because the person I was in our relationship was not who I wanted to be.


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