Men going to strip clubs

My husband and I have been married for 7 months and we have been together for 4 years. We love each other very much and are happy together. I am a pretty confident woman that takes care of herself and is fit. I workout regularly to be in the best shape. I am not hear to brag about my appearance, because I know there are girls out there that are prettier than me. But I just want to say that I am not a ugly duckling with zero confidence.

Few months before we got married, our friends were getting married and my then fiance attended the friends bachelor party. One of the attractions of the night was going to a strip club. I knew about this a month before the event and I could not stop thinking about it. It bothered me a lot that my man will be looking at a lot of other naked women ( they went to all nude club). This was my fiances first time going to a strip club and we have talked about it a lot before the bachelor party because he noticed that something was bothering me and I told him. He told me that he doesn't want to go and would not rather go but this was his good friends bachelor party and he did not want to say no. He said that he will be very honest with me after the party and will tell me everything in detail what happened at the club. This kind of calmed me down but I was still not 100% fine with him going. I trust him so the trust issue was not the problem but the naked women rubbing all over him.

The next day after the party he told me everything that happened there and it seemed OK until he said that he had to slap some chick on her ass because she was trying to get his attention and would look at him in a weird way when he didn't react to her. So once he did that then she left him alone. He said that he did not enjoy the experience because the women were just dirty to him and when he tried to compare them to me there was no comparison, because I am not only gorgeous to him physically but there's innocent within me that he respects.

I was kind of mad about the ass slap and he couldn't understand why since he told me everything and he didn't do anything wrong. And I think that's what got me mad that he thought he didn't do anything wrong by slapping her butt.

However, few days ago we were out with friends talking about weekend gateways and how the girls from the group (we all are married women) are planning to go somewhere for girls weekend and the guys said that they are going to Las Vegas because its time to see some boobs at the strip clubs. My husband did not say anything and I did not say anything about that later to him either. The gateway may happen end of April beginning of May. Just thinking about him going is stressing me because after the last time he went for about a month afterwards I lost confidence and whenever I got naked I though he was comparing me to the women from strip club. I know that is is probably stupid and that I am maybe exaggerating but I can't help how I feel. I just think that only men that are single, unhappy in their marriage or being married for a long time and don't find their wives attractive anymore go to strip clubs. In my mind my husband and I don't fit in any of these categories. He tells me that I am hot and that he has a sexy wife. To me, men that go to strip clubs cheat on their wives by going. You are willingly putting yourself in a situation where there are a lot of naked women that are a temptation. I don't see that any different than when a naked woman would be at my house rubbing all over my husband, and if I would find a scene like that at my house I would say that he is cheating and going to a strip club is basically the same scenario except in a club and not my house.

My question to other women is how do you feel about your husband or boyfriend going to strip clubs?

All kinds of men go to strip clubs, and all kinds of men do not go to strip clubs. I take the view that as long as it is a "look but don't touch" situation I am perfectly fine with someone I am in a relationship going to one of these establishments.

What is your fear, draw it out, picture in your mind him walking into a strip club, now what is the very worst thing you fear happening from there?

If the sight of another woman naked is all it takes for a man to forget about you, you have a very fragile relationship.

If a man commits adultery by thinking about another woman intimately, there is not a single man on this planet who has not committed adultery. We have all thought about another woman nude and we've all thought about doing wild kinky things with her. It's called fantasy. Hence, looking/thinking/seeing another woman nude is not cheating. It's looking at a naked woman.

I sense a lot of insecurity when it comes to the body issue in a ton of these threads. If you're afraid he's going to see a prettier woman, you're just going to have to get over yourself. There's tons of pretty girls than you, and tons of prettier guys than him. By now that should almost even be a secondary consideration.

Which man would you rather have, the man who has seen no other naked body but your own and doesn't know better, or the man who has seen a ton of naked bodies and couldn't care less because he likes yours the best? They all do the same things, the have the same shape, the same structure. What they don't have is what he's marrying.

It's not a brothel, it's a strip club. A tease. They're not hookers, they're strippers.

Maybe I'm weird, but I actually encourage the guys that I dated to go to the strip clubs if they want to. Each one of them has seen porn numerous times, why not just let them get it out of their systems by going to the strip club. Honestly, if the boyfriend comes home acting different towards you, starts lying, date strippers, etc, then he's clearly not the man for you, certainly not the man for any woman. If this was the outcome, I would thank the strip clubs for helping me getting rid of jerks in my life faster.

Sorry for not being a woman but this question is still valid to your post.

If you had a problem with him going to the strip club in the first place then why did you let him go? All you had to say was no, you going to a strip club is a dealer breaker for me and he probably wouldn't go and you wouldn't need to feel bad afterwards for no reason.

No one forced him to slap anyones ass, he did that himself - getting "weird looks" because he wouldn't touch a stripper isn't enough for me to accept why my boyfriend would do that. All I'm saying is - I think there is a valid reason why women wouldn't want their partner to go to a strip club - because it is virtually expected for men to be vulgar in there and want to touch one of the women there, and if they don't - it isn't seen as "right".

I've never been in a strip club - but I don't think it is like the same "strip club" that we picture in our heads - where your boyfriend is there with the 'lads' cheering on some woman stripping and then throwing money at the girls to get a lap dance.

Lapdances, ass-slapping, anything where there is some kind of "personal" or one-on-one activity in which my partner takes part in crosses a boundary for me, personally. It isn't on the same level as finding him doing that sort of thing in our living room with another woman - because these women are getting paid to flirt and to dance - so there is no personal or secret affair part. But yes, it really isn't acceptable or appropriate to me, personally.

I think anything that isn't on stage, and seen by the whole "audience" takes the experience from a strip 'show' to a more personal and sexual activity with another woman - who is being paid, but regardless is no better to me than paying a woman to do anything personal and sexual to the client. This would cross a boundary in my relationship. I think the fact that your husband slapped another woman's ass would upset me as well, as I've said, this would not be acceptable to me. Watching a show is in the same league as watching porn in my books, as long as he isn't fantasising about the girls afterwards or wishing you could be and act more like them, then simply enjoying the show is harmless.

A lot of you think that jealousy happens because of lack of confidence, but even the most beautiful women are jealous and they are super confident. Women can be jealous of something that is theirs, just like a lot of men can be jealous when some guy is hitting on their woman.

I should have probably said that men are more than welcome to answer the question. And maybe I should have asked the question whether I am wrong about feeling this way?

I didn't tell him not to go, because I didn't want to put him in this situation, I know he wouldn't go then, he even asked if that's what I wanted.

I guess I didn't want to be the bad guy.

Some of you say that there's nothing wrong for the guys to go and that they should just get it out of their systems if they watch porn. However, watching someone on the screen is different than watching a live show, just like when you watch your favorite celebrity in a movie, do you go crazy when you're watching or would you go crazy if you saw them in person?

Women seem to have a problem when a guy watches too much porn, but they are fine when they go to strip clubs. Either something is wrong with me or the women that say that it's ok.

I didn't said he forgot about me, he said that he was actually thinking about me the whole time, and I trust him completely and I know he would never cheat on me, he is not that kind of guy.

I am just a woman that takes care of what's mine and don't want other woman to rub all over him. I am not insanely jealous of other women that I see on the street or whether we go to a club with friends, no it's just the idea of a strip club. Like I said in my original post, only unhappy or single men go to strip clubs in my opinion. The ones that need to look at sexy ladies because they don't have that at home.

lot of you think that jealousy happens because of lack of confidence, but even the most beautiful women are jealous and they are super confident.

This is patently false --- beautiful women are jealous because they are NOT confident.

Jealous stems from a low sense of self. Outer beauty does not reflect inner confidence.

I don't understand the appeal, but I don't care if he goes. So long as he's honest. If he lied about it, then I'd have a problem because of the lying, not because of the strip club.

Pretty low class if you ask me. Like NASCAR.

My ex went to bachelor parties and clubs with work friends and other friends and I went with him a few times. I don't think you need to be jealous of the women at the strip clubs their intention isn't to steal anyones husband away and all is on the man who goes if he participates or not he won't get a lap dance for free so the girls won't be grinding on your husband unless he wants them to and he pays for it. You need to trust what he says until you have good reason to no longer trust his word.

His friends will likely buy him a lap dance or a few, being a bachelor party.

It's really not important, though. Going back to that first maxim, if another woman rubbing her junk in his lap is enough for him to run off and cheat on you, he's not the man you want anyways. And if another woman rubbing her junk in his lap is enough to ruffle your feathers, you may want to check your self-confidence for insecurity issues.

It was important to me to pick a partner who generally isn't interested and would not go to strip clubs. You can always tell him that you do not want him to go.

His friends will likely buy him a lap dance or a few, being a bachelor party.

 

It's really not important, though. Going back to that first maxim, if another woman rubbing her junk in his lap is enough for him to run off and cheat on you, he's not the man you want anyways. And if another woman rubbing her junk in his lap is enough to ruffle your feathers, you may want to check your self-confidence for insecurity issues.

How is that insecurity issues if some other woman is rubbing all over your man?

I think any normal woman would not be happy about that. Just like no guy would want some other guy on his woman. Which confident woman is ok with girls being all over their man? I think the ones that don't love their bf or husband and don't care about them.

Pretty low class if you ask me. Like NASCAR.

Right, this is how I feel too. It's just a vulgar scene.

Like Ms. Darcy, its rather important to me to be with someone who sees eye to eye with me on these types of things. I find it a huge turn off if a man is into strippers, strip clubs, that type of thing.

So I wouldn't worry if a man I picked said he wanted to go to a strip club with his friends for a bachelor party. They go and have drinks, get drunk, come home.

It WOULD bother me if a man I picked came home and told me he was slapping a strippers ass. And then secondly, his explanation for that. I don't buy it. I've been to a few strip clubs too. No one is forcing anyone to slap anyone's ass. He wanted to; plain and simple.

It would bother me not because of jealousy exactly, but to hear that a man I picked got thrills out of that sort of thing. I just don't find that attractive, in a man or a partner, or even in a friend honestly.

Some people are fine with it. They have different levels of comfort and ideas of entertainment and what is alright within a relationship. That is fine for those people - but if you aren't one of them - that is ok too.

You married him , and this is a little part of his personality maybe that you didn't know before, he obviously doesn't hate the experience of seeing and even touching strippers now and again. Maybe he thinks it is all in good fun . However, how he explained to you about the stripper last time makes me think he knows this is not ok with you, but he did it anyways. He crossed a boundary, knowing it would upset you.

I think it's fine to be honest that slapping asses (besides your own) is not something you want as part of this relationship. It's a strip joint, but they are still people, and you don't like it.

That is all you can do. He may respect it...but yes of course...you do have to either live with or make a really drastic decision here and choose not to be with him, the fact that he takes some enjoyment out of this sort of thing.

How is that insecurity issues if some other woman is rubbing all over your man?

I think any normal woman would not be happy about that. Just like no guy would want some other guy on his woman. Which confident woman is ok with girls being all over their man? I think the ones that don't love their bf or husband and don't care about them.

The secure ones, that's who.

See, I've lived this experience. I had this woman just about every guy wanted to rub up against. And that didn't bother me, even if they did. It didn't bother me who she danced with either, what did bother me was the kissing.

Being with a desirable person, you have to expect the world to want that person too. Some of those people are going to move on that person too, and often. Within a reasonable envelope, you have to expect your partner will be friends and have lots of friends, some of which friends are these people who want your partner for themselves. You cannot be there to stop them, and you cannot protect your relationship by telling him how he should act when he's faced with them.

it may seem like a simple solution, then; lock him in a tower where no other woman can touch him. Alas, you cannot save your relationship by putting your partner in a box and saying, "You just aren't allowed to go here, here, here and here." If anything, such boxes you draw around him will spurn his friends to redouble their efforts to "get their old friend back," so to speak, creating a You versus Them. Chances are, they've known your partner a lot longer than you, there's a lot more of them than you know about and you'll always be outnumbered by those you do know.

Now the kissing did bother me - I think that should be obvious why! It wasn't so much them kissing her, but her kissing them - them kissing each other. At this point I was concerned because you're now talking about something internal that has originated within her. And this is what you SHOULD be concerned about, his feelings towards you and how strong he is in the face of a competing intimate encounter. But with that being said, you cannot simply tell him he's never allowed to face that encounter, or it becomes the forbidden fruit. If his friends bring up the strip club, he may respond with "No, I can't, my wife doesn't want me to go." And then Pow, guess what his friends will egg him on with! Or the other route, they'll use this to emasculate him down the road with the "guess who has his balls in her purse" lines.

My understanding about bachelor parties is that they are arranged by the Best Man, and they are quite typically set up as surprise parties for the groom, in which the groom will not know what it will completely entail until it's happening. You can tell them "No Strip Club!" and the best man could say "sure" and then plan a hotel party with a couple hired strippers instead. Or he could tell you "Sure," completely blow you off, tell your man plans have changed, and then at the end of the night say "surprise, we're at the strip club." The basic point here being, depending on his friends, your objection to their fun can put you in that Mom position you don't want to be in. And no matter how you feel about things, you will not be in any position to make the calls - which is part of the point of such parties.

A thing about my commitment to that woman I was with, it wouldn't have mattered how drunk I was, nothing could have rocked my commitment to her. It was my internal choice to make that commitment, set by no one but me; she didn't tell me how I should protect our relationship.

Now I lost my THAT woman - but I didn't try to fight it - because she wasn't My girl. I knew subconsciously long before I lost her that I had already lost her, because MY girl Instinctively wouldn't go that far with someone else without being told not to do it. My girl sets her own boundaries, and they are Good. Any number of guys could be all over my woman, and it would be to no other end than her own amusement. My girl could go anywhere, and she'll still be true to me; that's my confidence in my partner's feelings for me, even though at this point we've not yet met. But truthfully, that girl, when I meet her, will be my wife!

The confident woman is perfectly fine with those girls being all over her man because she knows he won't do anything to betray his commitment to her. She further knows his commitment goes beyond a flash of flesh or a slap or touch - she's not his prostitute. Everything those girls on stage have, you already have, so what he sees or slaps [not allowed here!] is inconsequential to that commitment he has to you. It's not going to change how he feels about you, emotionally, and he isn't going to try to think about her, emotionally, like he thinks about you. If he does, like in the instance of my girl kissing around, he's not your man, as heart wrenching as that realization is. If how he thinks about you was founded on your naked body in his hands, what he has with you is what he can have with ANY woman anywhere, hence, it's a very fragile foundation to even be dating upon! Your relationship MUST be something deeper than flesh!

At the end of the day you have to be most concerned about what originates from him internally. You cannot guard the gates forever, there will be times he does it alone; you must have confidence that when he watches that gates alone, he's not going to open them to your relationship's enemies. This IS the test of fire, but it's as much a test of your trust for him and in him as it is for his commitment to you, all in one night.

That girl, she's married now, the third time now counting the two times before we dated, and she still dances with other guys - and other girls - and gets rather intimate with all of them. Not my worry, not my worry!! And good riddance with her!

Lonewing, I truly appreciate you answer to this, and I think you made me see it in a different light now. I think I'm going to stop stressing about this.

I sort of see it the same way I see porn. If my guy looks at naked women on the internet in order to give himself some endorphins when I'm not available, that's fine with me. Because frankly, when I need some endorphins and he's not available, I make my own porn in my head with my vivid imagination. Only I have the advantage that nobody will ever find my 'porn' on my computer haha. And when I'm giving myself an endorphin boost and making porn in my brain, I know exactly how I feel about it. It has nothing to do with how much I want or am satisfied by my guy, and it certainly doesn't mean I would rather fantasize than be intimate with him. I'm just trying to have an orgasm. So if my guy goes to a strip club and just looks, it's very similar. Those women are just as much 'fantasy' as women in internet porn, because they aren't going to have sex with him and they don't really give two hoots about him. They just want to make some cash. If he looks at them and gets aroused by seeing them, it's basically the same thing that happens when he watches porn, which is basically the same thing I do when I masturbate, and I know from my own experience that he has nothing to worry about when it comes to that.

If he's touching them, though, that would seriously chap my buns.

Ok people, I'm sorry but to say she is jealous and insecure because she doesn't want her husband going to a strip club is ridiculous. Yes, we get it, other women are hot and men are going to fantasize. That's a totally separate issue than going out of your way to have a fun night with naked ladies besides the one you are with, yet alone paying for that fun. Just because you have sexual thoughts about other people doesn't mean you should go out of your way to encourage those thoughts with strip clubs or whatever classless hobbies you enjoy.

Just think for a minute: if you were a stripper, would he get mad that other guys were looking at and maybe touching you? Probably wouldn't be something he'd be super fond of. But it's the same concept.

At the end of the day, other people can't tell you how you should feel or what you should do because it is YOUR relationship, and how they see your situation has no affect on how you're going to feel. If it bothers you, it bothers you and you don't have to put up with it. You may or may not be able to change the person you're with, but let's be serious, we all know men who would rather do other things with their time.

I asked my bf if he'd be happy with ripped, naked men dancing around me in a bar. He wasn't. Likewise I'd be furious if he went to strip shows. When there's a lot of alcohol involved, temptation is too great. We've both been to these bars single and I know exactly what goes on in there. Buncha sexy girls dancing around, throwing themselves at men, touching, grinding etc etc

Difference with porn is that he can't touch them.

I'm a realist. I've had friends that've lost relationships over this. My own dad has been to strip bars, he's a great dad but a lousy husband. It's damaged my parents marriage somewhat.

Makes me wish I had a more socially introverted bf that didn't like to drink much !! It wouldn't be an issue!!

Im confused.

These are married men making these remarks? May i ask how old they are,sound quite young?

No. It isnt on.

Its quite immature too,have they never seen a pair of boobs before? Once youve seen them once,youve seen them all really!

Personally,i would speak to partner about this and ask him to nip it in the bud. He needs to respect your morals. He is a grown man,with a loving wife,so he needs to act like a grown man now.

Myself and my partner,were old fashioned. No strip clubs,no male dancing shows. Its not of interest. Plus as other half puts it 'why would i actually bother paying for that,no thanks'

mm.. i personally think men are like cats.. you see them as good pets, but underneath the domesticated behavior there is a wild animal!..

Im confused.

These are married men making these remarks? May i ask how old they are,sound quite young?

No. It isnt on.

Its quite immature too,have they never seen a pair of boobs before? Once youve seen them once,youve seen them all really!

Personally,i would speak to partner about this and ask him to nip it in the bud. He needs to respect your morals. He is a grown man,with a loving wife,so he needs to act like a grown man now.

 

Myself and my partner,were old fashioned. No strip clubs,no male dancing shows. Its not of interest. Plus as other half puts it 'why would i actually bother paying for that,no thanks'

Who put you on the moral high horse to decide what's immature and what's not, what's grown up and what's not, what grown men enjoy and what not?

Spend more time listening and less time telling, you'd see the world for what it is and not for what you think it should be. Your other half is content, but this is not true for everyone...