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Thread: Men going to strip clubs

  1. #11
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    My ex went to bachelor parties and clubs with work friends and other friends and I went with him a few times. I don't think you need to be jealous of the women at the strip clubs their intention isn't to steal anyones husband away and all is on the man who goes if he participates or not he won't get a lap dance for free so the girls won't be grinding on your husband unless he wants them to and he pays for it. You need to trust what he says until you have good reason to no longer trust his word.

  2. #12
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    His friends will likely buy him a lap dance or a few, being a bachelor party.

    It's really not important, though. Going back to that first maxim, if another woman rubbing her junk in his lap is enough for him to run off and cheat on you, he's not the man you want anyways. And if another woman rubbing her junk in his lap is enough to ruffle your feathers, you may want to check your self-confidence for insecurity issues.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    It was important to me to pick a partner who generally isn't interested and would not go to strip clubs. You can always tell him that you do not want him to go.

  4. #14
    Member summersadness's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lonewing
    His friends will likely buy him a lap dance or a few, being a bachelor party.

    It's really not important, though. Going back to that first maxim, if another woman rubbing her junk in his lap is enough for him to run off and cheat on you, he's not the man you want anyways. And if another woman rubbing her junk in his lap is enough to ruffle your feathers, you may want to check your self-confidence for insecurity issues.
    How is that insecurity issues if some other woman is rubbing all over your man?
    I think any normal woman would not be happy about that. Just like no guy would want some other guy on his woman. Which confident woman is ok with girls being all over their man? I think the ones that don't love their bf or husband and don't care about them.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by pl3asehelp
    Pretty low class if you ask me. Like NASCAR.
    Right, this is how I feel too. It's just a vulgar scene.

    Like Ms. Darcy, its rather important to me to be with someone who sees eye to eye with me on these types of things. I find it a huge turn off if a man is into strippers, strip clubs, that type of thing.

    So I wouldn't worry if a man I picked said he wanted to go to a strip club with his friends for a bachelor party. They go and have drinks, get drunk, come home.

    It WOULD bother me if a man I picked came home and told me he was slapping a strippers ass. And then secondly, his explanation for that. I don't buy it. I've been to a few strip clubs too. No one is forcing anyone to slap anyone's ass. He wanted to; plain and simple.

    It would bother me not because of jealousy exactly, but to hear that a man I picked got thrills out of that sort of thing. I just don't find that attractive, in a man or a partner, or even in a friend honestly.

    Some people are fine with it. They have different levels of comfort and ideas of entertainment and what is alright within a relationship. That is fine for those people - but if you aren't one of them - that is ok too.

    You married him , and this is a little part of his personality maybe that you didn't know before, he obviously doesn't hate the experience of seeing and even touching strippers now and again. Maybe he thinks it is all in good fun . However, how he explained to you about the stripper last time makes me think he knows this is not ok with you, but he did it anyways. He crossed a boundary, knowing it would upset you.

    I think it's fine to be honest that slapping asses (besides your own) is not something you want as part of this relationship. It's a strip joint, but they are still people, and you don't like it.

    That is all you can do. He may respect it...but yes of course...you do have to either live with or make a really drastic decision here and choose not to be with him, the fact that he takes some enjoyment out of this sort of thing.

  7. #16
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    How is that insecurity issues if some other woman is rubbing all over your man?
    I think any normal woman would not be happy about that. Just like no guy would want some other guy on his woman. Which confident woman is ok with girls being all over their man? I think the ones that don't love their bf or husband and don't care about them.
    The secure ones, that's who.

    See, I've lived this experience. I had this woman just about every guy wanted to rub up against. And that didn't bother me, even if they did. It didn't bother me who she danced with either, what did bother me was the kissing.

    Being with a desirable person, you have to expect the world to want that person too. Some of those people are going to move on that person too, and often. Within a reasonable envelope, you have to expect your partner will be friends and have lots of friends, some of which friends are these people who want your partner for themselves. You cannot be there to stop them, and you cannot protect your relationship by telling him how he should act when he's faced with them.

    it may seem like a simple solution, then; lock him in a tower where no other woman can touch him. Alas, you cannot save your relationship by putting your partner in a box and saying, "You just aren't allowed to go here, here, here and here." If anything, such boxes you draw around him will spurn his friends to redouble their efforts to "get their old friend back," so to speak, creating a You versus Them. Chances are, they've known your partner a lot longer than you, there's a lot more of them than you know about and you'll always be outnumbered by those you do know.

    Now the kissing did bother me - I think that should be obvious why! It wasn't so much them kissing her, but her kissing them - them kissing each other. At this point I was concerned because you're now talking about something internal that has originated within her. And this is what you SHOULD be concerned about, his feelings towards you and how strong he is in the face of a competing intimate encounter. But with that being said, you cannot simply tell him he's never allowed to face that encounter, or it becomes the forbidden fruit. If his friends bring up the strip club, he may respond with "No, I can't, my wife doesn't want me to go." And then Pow, guess what his friends will egg him on with! Or the other route, they'll use this to emasculate him down the road with the "guess who has his balls in her purse" lines.

    My understanding about bachelor parties is that they are arranged by the Best Man, and they are quite typically set up as surprise parties for the groom, in which the groom will not know what it will completely entail until it's happening. You can tell them "No Strip Club!" and the best man could say "sure" and then plan a hotel party with a couple hired strippers instead. Or he could tell you "Sure," completely blow you off, tell your man plans have changed, and then at the end of the night say "surprise, we're at the strip club." The basic point here being, depending on his friends, your objection to their fun can put you in that Mom position you don't want to be in. And no matter how you feel about things, you will not be in any position to make the calls - which is part of the point of such parties.

    A thing about my commitment to that woman I was with, it wouldn't have mattered how drunk I was, nothing could have rocked my commitment to her. It was my internal choice to make that commitment, set by no one but me; she didn't tell me how I should protect our relationship.

    Now I lost [s]my[/s] THAT woman - but I didn't try to fight it - because she wasn't My girl. I knew subconsciously long before I lost her that I had already lost her, because MY girl Instinctively wouldn't go that far with someone else without being told not to do it. My girl sets her own boundaries, and they are Good. Any number of guys could be all over my woman, and it would be to no other end than her own amusement. My girl could go anywhere, and she'll still be true to me; that's my confidence in my partner's feelings for me, even though at this point we've not yet met. But truthfully, that girl, when I meet her, will be my wife!

    The confident woman is perfectly fine with those girls being all over her man because she knows he won't do anything to betray his commitment to her. She further knows his commitment goes beyond a flash of flesh or a slap or touch - she's not his prostitute. Everything those girls on stage have, you already have, so what he sees or slaps [not allowed here!] is inconsequential to that commitment he has to you. It's not going to change how he feels about you, emotionally, and he isn't going to try to think about her, emotionally, like he thinks about you. If he does, like in the instance of my girl kissing around, he's not your man, as heart wrenching as that realization is. If how he thinks about you was founded on your naked body in his hands, what he has with you is what he can have with ANY woman anywhere, hence, it's a very fragile foundation to even be dating upon! Your relationship MUST be something deeper than flesh!

    At the end of the day you have to be most concerned about what originates from him internally. You cannot guard the gates forever, there will be times he does it alone; you must have confidence that when he watches that gates alone, he's not going to open them to your relationship's enemies. This IS the test of fire, but it's as much a test of your trust for him and in him as it is for his commitment to you, all in one night.

    That girl, she's married now, the third time now counting the two times before we dated, and she still dances with other guys - and other girls - and gets rather intimate with all of them. Not my worry, not my worry!! And good riddance with her!

  8. #17
    Member summersadness's Avatar
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    Lonewing, I truly appreciate you answer to this, and I think you made me see it in a different light now. I think I'm going to stop stressing about this.

  9. #18
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    I sort of see it the same way I see porn. If my guy looks at naked women on the internet in order to give himself some endorphins when I'm not available, that's fine with me. Because frankly, when I need some endorphins and he's not available, I make my own porn in my head with my vivid imagination. Only I have the advantage that nobody will ever find my 'porn' on my computer haha. And when I'm giving myself an endorphin boost and making porn in my brain, I know exactly how I feel about it. It has nothing to do with how much I want or am satisfied by my guy, and it certainly doesn't mean I would rather fantasize than be intimate with him. I'm just trying to have an orgasm. So if my guy goes to a strip club and just looks, it's very similar. Those women are just as much 'fantasy' as women in internet porn, because they aren't going to have sex with him and they don't really give two hoots about him. They just want to make some cash. If he looks at them and gets aroused by seeing them, it's basically the same thing that happens when he watches porn, which is basically the same thing I do when I masturbate, and I know from my own experience that he has nothing to worry about when it comes to that.

    If he's touching them, though, that would seriously chap my buns.

  10. #19
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    Ok people, I'm sorry but to say she is jealous and insecure because she doesn't want her husband going to a strip club is ridiculous. Yes, we get it, other women are hot and men are going to fantasize. That's a totally separate issue than going out of your way to have a fun night with naked ladies besides the one you are with, yet alone paying for that fun. Just because you have sexual thoughts about other people doesn't mean you should go out of your way to encourage those thoughts with strip clubs or whatever classless hobbies you enjoy.

    Just think for a minute: if you were a stripper, would he get mad that other guys were looking at and maybe touching you? Probably wouldn't be something he'd be super fond of. But it's the same concept.

    At the end of the day, other people can't tell you how you should feel or what you should do because it is YOUR relationship, and how they see your situation has no affect on how you're going to feel. If it bothers you, it bothers you and you don't have to put up with it. You may or may not be able to change the person you're with, but let's be serious, we all know men who would rather do other things with their time.
    Last edited by somechick99; 04-13-2014 at 03:41 PM.

  11. #20
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    I asked my bf if he'd be happy with ripped, naked men dancing around me in a bar. He wasn't. Likewise I'd be furious if he went to strip shows. When there's a lot of alcohol involved, temptation is too great. We've both been to these bars single and I know exactly what goes on in there. Buncha sexy girls dancing around, throwing themselves at men, touching, grinding etc etc
    Difference with porn is that he can't touch them.

    I'm a realist. I've had friends that've lost relationships over this. My own dad has been to strip bars, he's a great dad but a lousy husband. It's damaged my parents marriage somewhat.

    Makes me wish I had a more socially introverted bf that didn't like to drink much !! It wouldn't be an issue!!

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