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Thread: My boyfriend died and I'm lonely

  1. #1
    Bronze Member emmyems's Avatar
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    My boyfriend died and I'm lonely

    My boyfriend died 7 weeks ago today. It's been very difficult and I'm doing better (as better as I can be), but I'm dreadfully lonely. I try to fill my time with friends and activities but I miss having a companion. I know it is too soon for me to date. I don't want to be alone forever but I can't imagine finding anyone I'm as compatible with as I was with him. I'm only 29. He was just 31, and died very unexpectedly. I know he is gone, but I still don't understand why it had to happen.
    I keep seeing people my age who are married and have kids, or boyfriends/girlfriends. I feel like there is no one left for me (and especially won't be by the time I'm ready to date again). I have to start all over and I don't know how. I feel guilty at the thought of moving on. I'm sad and feel lost. I wonder if any guy will accept me or want to deal with me once he finds out about my loss. Will it be hard to date again? How do I cope with this lonliness? People try to be empathetic, but no one I know has really experienced a loss like this and it's difficult to relate. If anyone here has had this experience or has some ideas, I'd love to hear from you.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
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    I am sorry for your loss.

    I think you should speak with a grief counselor. They will be able to give you the empathy you need right now.

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    Platinum Member MisUnderstood9's Avatar
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    I am sorry to hear about your loss.
    I definitely agree with mhowe, I would see a grief counselor. They are what is going to be best for you at this time.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member emmyems's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MisUnderstood9
    I am sorry to hear about your loss.
    I definitely agree with mhowe, I would see a grief counselor. They are what is going to be best for you at this time.
    Thanks for the replies. I'm actually already seeing a grief counsellor. I don't find she can help in this area though, because she's never experienced it. I've tried joining a local bereavement group, but it isn't very well attended.

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    Platinum Member overthemoon86's Avatar
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    Hi emmyems, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss, I cannot imagine what you are going through right now. I hope you are doing a little bit better, but I am sure this has been the most difficult thing you have gone through. I am sure he would want you to be happy and only wants the absolute best for you. Take your time in your healing and please feel free to reach out if you need anything.

    Hugs xoxo

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    Hi Emm, my name is Crystal, I'm 29, live in Texas (alone now) and my boyfriend died suddenly on a fishing trip on July 31, 2012. Coming up on 2 years. So I don't have a lot of 'answers', but I've been lonely..and dabbling in dating for a little while & it's been a real 'different' thing since before I had it all with him..and then he died. So, I've 'reached out' by writing on this site, 9 months after he died..titled 'My Boyfriend Drowned' ..currently on pg 5 of the Loss & Bereavement part of the forum if you'd like to read it. Things have of course changed for me since then. Some things are better than they were 9 mos. into the grieving, some are just altogether different. Although I hate that anyone else feels even somewhat similar of a loss, I yearn for someone empathetic to talk to. ♡Crystal

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    My husband died suddenly years ago. I know the feeling. Initially, there was a great deal of support from family and friends, but then they all return to their own lives and the reality of the situation sinks in. You are left alone with your pain. However, we are here, and we are all ears and our hearts are open to you. We will never tire of the outpourings of your heart. Suggest that you begin a diary on here to express yourself and please get the book, "Tear Soup." Be kind to yourself, honey, and deal with this at your own speed. chi

  9. #8
    Bronze Member emmyems's Avatar
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    I'm a little behind on my reply but I want to thank everyone for the kind words and replies.

    So it's almost been 7 months now. I still miss him all the time but I almost feel ready to date again. I finished 6 months of counselling and though I'll never ever forget the love of my life, I don't want to be alone forever. I know any new love will not be better or worse - just different.

    That said, I'm having a hard time with the dating thing. I realize I'm still young by probably most peoples standards but I'm starting to feel really old, and like time is flying by. I feel like I look older. I feel less attractive. I don't sense that guys check me out anymore. Sometimes I get really down and feel like my boyfriend was the only person who could love me, and no one else, and if he's not here, I'm supposed to be alone. I've tried some online dating (yeah, probably not the most confidence-boosting method) and any of the men I've shown interest in aren't interested in me, and vice versa. It feels like work and I always think about how easy it was with my boyfriend and how compatible we were. Then I see all my friends married and having babies and I have so much catching up to do, or, I won't catch up because no one else will ever love me.

  10. #9
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    Well, honey, it has only been 7 months. Treat yourself to a makeup makeover and or a trip to a spa. It is very important to be kind to yourself. You are still in the healing stages. It is good to hold your him in your heart, but he no longer can hold you in his arms....so it is with this in mind that you must not give up the hope of having that again some day, and as you yourself stated, it will be different, but still good in its way. You cannot speed the healing process along, but you will get there eventually.

    Thanks for getting back to us. chi

  11. #10
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    I lost a brother a few years back to tragic circumstances, and the last time I saw my dad I'm finally seeing him return to his usual self - or I caught him on a good day!

    The struggle to find a quality companion is an ongoing gruel for many of us, it's life. Don't let it get you down - you're still that woman you were 5, 10 years ago, you're just less of that girl you also were. You want a man who appreciates that and not so much a man who lusts after it, if that makes sense. You still have it, there's no rush, not yet at least!!

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