is wrong with me?

I've had so many negative experiences in life I just don't see the point in anything anymore. I think about certain situations and they seem appealing but then think about information and it ruins it so I don't even bother. It's like talking self out of even trying. I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia too recently and people seemed to be interested in playing an opposites game with to go with patterns in reality and geometry and language.

It's like... I get interested in thoughts of being with someone but then think of all the stuff about relationships and women from one trapped relationship I was in where she got pregnant after losing my virginity and ever since life has just been crap with no desire to do anything but want to die.

My thoughts are constantly scrambling around too with this schizophrenia crap. As if someone talking in the mind and overlapping my thoughts with others so it's like sometimes having another mind in my mind annoying me.

Is there any reason to bother pursuing the idea of relationship with someone when something will talk in the mind when arousing thoughts happen and say stuff to ruin everything. Stuff like being with a women that's been with others in life is like being with the people she's been with and stuff like that. As soon as I start thinking that kind of stuff I've heard from others in life I just want to die. Starts to get to the point where it's like... be with a virgin or no one because everything else is crude and disgusting when thought about.

people's advice and comments haunt my mind and ruin desires over and over for years. I kind of want someone to be with to talk to and do anything with to not be alone and bored but is the point when it's in a way just wanting to use someone for company. See what I mean I start thinking of stuff and it all turns negative.

How do I get out of this state of mind and being miserable.

// end ranting. just wanted to rant somewhere and see what kind of negative responses I'd get from a babbling.

Sounds like a relationship wouldn't feel right for you at the moment, maybe just be friends with someone for starters so the disgusting thoughts about intimacy don't come up? what does your doc say? It sounds like something very hard to deal with, perhaps a support group would be of help? Maybe meeting others with this problem would be of use because some of them have learned how to cope with it in time or would know how long after the diagnosis one usually starts to feel better, i guess if you heard people saying it got better after a while would reassure you that, hard as it is, there is a point in trying. You've been diagnosed recently so i guess it's still early and recovery just takes a while...I have no experience with schizophrenia but i suspect it takes time to start feeling better..Are you regularly in counselling? I think right now it's most important to have a good support system- a counselor, a friend, maybe a group activity that takes your mind off of things? Good luck, keep posting, you can do this:02.47-tranquillity: