Hhmmmm

Not sure where to post this ..

We're not together. I class it as we officially split at Xmas but since may he was cheating with various women. I'm dealing with my issues and my appetite has finally come back lol

What my issue is that I'm worried about him. He does not deserve my pity, and what he chooses to do now is none of my business. Past couple of weeks he's been making an effort with children, and I've really done my best not to talk about anything other than out children. Even though a million and one questions go through my mind I just keep them to myself or right them down later in a journal loll and we've been getting along fine

But he's racked up a lot of debt, he's now been laid off work. He's speaks to hardly any of his friends, he knows he's ruined it with me and broke up this family, he also has a court charge coming up. Lots of other things but all in all he's ruined his life and I can't help but worry about his mind set right now. Out of stress and frustration he's mumbled that he feels like he's gonna do something stupid but he doesn't know what else to do.

As I'm decorating I text asking to borrow his carpet cleaner, he didn't reply and I noticed he hasn't been on whatsapp since last night which is unusual. I'm worried something's happened. Just feel a bit anxious and haven't got anyone to talk to so came on here lol I know nothing I do or say affects his choices, and I can't help him in any way but doesn't stop be worrying about him, and I the fact I want his poor actions to affect my boys as little as possible . But it's nothing to do with me what he's up to or why he hasn't got in touch, I'm probably worrying for no reason but my mind feels restless.

Oh dear lol

Since he's a cheater, given his history, I'd say it's more likely he's shacked up with some woman for the weekend than off committing suicide somewhere.

I'd give it a few more days before getting worried about his present whereabouts. As to his overall situation -- what's his problem? Is he abusing substances? Compulsive gambler? Why is his life in such disarray when he has kids to take care of?

Normally I would assume he is shacked up with someone, has he has abused cocaine since he left, but for 4 weeks he's had not a penny, do he wouldn't even be able to fund dining a woman and drugs, if course he could be lying given track record, but his demeanor makes me think he's becoming depressed and his openness about how he has nothing and no money, and he's normally quite a proud person about cash just makes me anxious.

I do know it's none of my business and quite frankly not my problem! Doesn't stop the worries tho lol

His problem is he thought he was missing out since he had the responsibility of me and children 5 year relationship, spent months partying shagging etc he told me about one infedility which I then wasted months trying to get over when in fact he was still having sex whilst I thought we were fixing us, we've both concluded this was all down to his ego, And now the party scene has dried up, money is running low and he sees how fine I cope raising our children I guess it's all hitting home, but I do know there's other factors of stress in his life which are effecting him but not my place to put out on here

Wow -- so he's a liar, a cheater and a drug user.... but he manages to explain this by putting the blame on his relationship with you and his responsibilities as a father? Nice.

Yeah, people like him usually have their loved ones trained to worry about them.... and trained to put his feelings and issues first, above your and your childrens'. It's called co-dependency and most addictive types have codependents for spouses and partners. Honestly, it makes me sick to see someone act so selfishly when they have kids.

Just keep being the fine strong mother you are, keep moving forward.

You may want to call a helpline, if you feel anxious. It will help

But he's racked up a lot of debt, he's now been laid off work.

If you were married, see a lawyer to file a legal separation. This may protect you from any debt he incurs going forward.

If you were not married, you dodged a bullet. Supervise any child visitation or have someone close to you do that.

Wow -- so he's a liar, a cheater and a drug user.... but he manages to explain this by putting the blame on his relationship with you and his responsibilities as a father? Nice.

 

Yeah, people like him usually have their loved ones trained to worry about them.... and trained to put his feelings and issues first, above your and your childrens'. It's called co-dependency and most addictive types have codependents for spouses and partners. Honestly, it makes me sick to see someone act so selfishly when they have kids.

 

Just keep being the fine strong mother you are, keep moving forward.

Thanks, it you are on point with what you've said, in fact most of our relationship it's been his needs first and I've never really took notice, bit by bit the rosy glasses are coming off. I shouldn't worry about him as it's not my problems what he gets up to anymore. Sometimes it's hard to cut the tether!

You may want to call a helpline, if you feel anxious. It will help

I think my anxiousness is down to paranoia that I got from his infedelitys, if it was something serious his mother would have called. And they say anxiety is based on fear of not being able to control the future things so I can relate! I'm still worried but in the day of light it's just selfishness on his part

If you were married, see a lawyer to file a legal separation. This may protect you from any debt he incurs going forward.

 

If you were not married, you dodged a bullet. Supervise any child visitation or have someone close to you do that.

I'm not that far in my healing process to say I've dodged a bullet yet haha! But the route he's heading I'm sure your right, I need to stop letting his choices affect me so much, the only thing I can control is my happiness, and a happy mother means happy rugrats

Thanks for your replys x