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Thread: How to get back with depressed ex-boyfriend

  1. #11
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    BrokenHearted8-- I know that this was a possibility. I made mistakes in the relationship too. I am fully prepared to own up to them. I'm not going to ask him to jump back in a relationship with me, that the most important thing is that if I'm going to be a part of his life, is that I need to earn his trust and take things slow. I'm going to leave the signs up because I do believe that he needs to know that I'm there for him and that I'm sorry. I realize that getting back together might not be the result, but if it is that it will take work and that I will have to be one of the few people in his life that encourages him to seek help

  2. #12
    Member BrokenHearted8's Avatar
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    It's good to let him know that you're there for him, and that you're sorry for hurting him. But don't forget, regardless of his depression, he's still a guy: he likes the chase, he wants to work to get a girl and to value her. Let him come back to you (slowly). Don't do all the chasing. I think you're on the right path. I wish I knew these things (or about this forum) before ruining my chances. Good luck!

  3. #13
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    Thanks. Yeah right now what I'm struggling with my mind just racing and I can't seem to sleep well. I feel like I have to keep telling myself what I want to say. I've just always been the type of person that when there is a problem I want to fix it right away and work for a solution.

  4. #14
    Silver Member toby4's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by strongbutlost
    Thanks. Yeah right now what I'm struggling with my mind just racing and I can't seem to sleep well. I feel like I have to keep telling myself what I want to say. I've just always been the type of person that when there is a problem I want to fix it right away and work for a solution.
    You CAN start working on a solution, work on improving yourself! These sort of things don't heal from one side doing all the work, it's a team effort. Think of it like trying to cut down a tree with a 2 person saw, yes you need to put effort into it but they need to put forth and equal effort otherwise neither side will make and progress. Relationships are push/pull you need to see the same effort your putting in reciprocated if you want any real chance of mending things and that isn't something you can "convince" him to do it's something he needs to learn on his own. I guess what I'm trying to say is improve yourself to be the person you want to be and then in the future if you see him doing the same then MAYBE you guys can be on friendly terms, but i wouldn't hold my breath and wouldn't hold onto hope of it happening.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member offplanet's Avatar
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    I think you're trying too hard with him. You've apologized enough and you've let him know you're there, but now it's be better to leave him be. Let him come to you if he wants to, but in the meantime, you're too obsessed over him. Live your life, not just wait for him. Sometimes when people say they're not good for you they really mean they want to get uninvolved. You have to be careful not to go into denial about it if this is the case. It might not be his depression at all that's leading him to be distant with you. Be open to that possibility. If he's actually trying to get away and you're not letting him your concern will be a burden to him. Don't waste yourself on unrequited love if that's what this is.

  7. #16
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    I understand what everyone is saying. The thing is even though he was struggling we were still close and doing basic couple things. Our relationship was working through the funk, I just didn't know the depth of it until I confronted him and he freaked out. It was like I was the one that made him realize it and he was in denial. We had a strong friendship as well. It was like a bomb was dropped on me after the fact and I don't want to be on the sideline but being there to help since I feel like I'm a source

  8. #17
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    Strongbutlost I know what your saying I read into stuff like that saying to let them know you love them and are there for them when they're depressed/bi polar etc and I did that. My story is quite different from yours in that my ex was emotionally abusive and very controlling and jealous. I saw it as insecurity and I wanted to be understanding of him as he had depression for many years and was suicidal etc. Now..in the end I needed to stop being so "understanding" because he was just not treating me nicely at all. It was very traumatic. So what I can say to you is you just don't know exactly what is up with your ex, it could be depression, but basically he is having "issues" and it is good you have said you are there for him etc but there is now NOTHING else you can do or he will walk all over you. I know that sounds harsh and maybe he's a lovely guy but you need to respect yourself as well as him. But mainly you at this point.

    The guy dumped you. Now even though he's depressed that still hurt right? He should appreciate the fact that it is hurtful to you. He needs to know that. He should care about YOU now. Not all you caring about him.

    So leave him be sweetheart. I've left mine be now and sadly (although not so sadly as he is BEYOND help, something I was not willing to accept for a while but could see happening as I felt very very scared of him more and more often....) and he has stayed away. Well actually after me leaving he begged me back all week and then dumped me (nice!). And that was from me feeling sorry for him, he said he'd get help, go to a councilor, never hurt me again etc etc...then BAM. So pathetic....anyway. You must think of yourself now. You are not doing it. I know what it's like to want to help someone you love. I really do. Maybe one day mine will get help and realise what he has done but I sort of doubt it right now. Some people...are beyond help

    You can only let them go and hope they realise they have pushed you away and that that means something. I think mine will contact me in a few years when he's an old failure haha. But I will be a success! And I will shun him away with my jewled hand...anyway! Good luck. You are sweet to care so much. People tell me I loved too much but I think it's good that you love so much, it's just sad when people don't treat that love with respect.

  9. #18
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    [QUOTE=cryingalways;5956358]The guy dumped you. Now even though he's depressed that still hurt right? He should appreciate the fact that it is hurtful to you. He needs to know that. He should care about YOU now. Not all you caring about him.

    He has recognized that he hurt me too. He was telling his friend that he didn't want to keep hurting me and that he felt like he was a burden on me. Which again wasn't the case when we were going through "the funk" a while back ago. And so I more more patient and understanding and was there for him, but then again after some time everything seemed better and we were doing great again. He was there for me when I went through rough couple weeks with the doctor, I knew he cared even when he was struggling. He was just acting like a this particular week, had a what most people would consider a normal fight and its like it all came out at once. I just wish he would have told me that "the funk" was back or even still there all this time.

    Our relationship was never physically or emotionally abusive. We never went to low blows if we ever argued or didn't see eye to eye. We always talked it out calmly, it was one of the amazing parts of the relationship, and if one of us did something embarrassing (like get too drunk at bar like I did one time) we always apologized and talked it out the next day, and this was even during the funk
    Last edited by strongbutlost; 02-08-2014 at 01:11 PM.

  10. #19
    Hello. Pleas has this been resolved. Iím in same situation now and I desperately want to know how yours turned it. I know it was so many years ago. But it will be really helpful to know because of my expectations

  11. #20
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sweetgyal
    Hello. Pleas has this been resolved. Iím in same situation now and I desperately want to know how yours turned it. I know it was so many years ago. But it will be really helpful to know because of my expectations
    Please see if the OP has logged on before reviving 6 year old threads. You can click on the user name, select "Profile" and it will tell you the last time the user logged on. That way you aren't wasting your time trying to get responses from people who haven't logged on for years.

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