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Thread: my girlfriend is acting weird and distancing herself, really need advice

  1. #1
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    my girlfriend is acting weird and distancing herself, really need advice

    I have been dating this girl for 5 months (we are both 25 years old) and everything was going great until last week when she started acting weird around me when ever we were together. I confronted her about it and she said she just needs time alone at her house to do her own stuff because she is always hanging out with me and cant get anything done around her house and is worried I neglect my friends for her. so fine I totally understand that, I only hung out with her everyday because she made it sound like that is what she wanted. she used to be very affectionate to me, always hugging, kissing, and cuddling with me but since we had that conversation a week ago she stopped all of that. she would also text me periodically throughout the day and send me at least 10 snapchats a day and now nothing at all. we go running together everyday still when she gets off work but other than that we don't hang out at night anymore like we used to and I rarely get texts and snapchats from her. I don't know if this is because we are stuck in a routine and things are getting stagnant (we are both very active people but because of the brutal weather here in Chicago we cannot do the outdoor stuff we want to so we end up just hanging out at her house or mine) but I just feel like she is distancing herself from me and we do not have the same conversations or little play fighting things like we used to. I don't know why and I don't know what to do about it. should I distance myself from her as she does to me and hope she starts showing me more affection and attention? or should I mention something to her about it AGAIN? (I just don't want to seem too needy or insecure). and not once during our relationship has she ever told me or shows me that she cares about me or anything like that, last time I told her I cared about her, her response was "I know". I told her it upset me that she never says anything to me or shows me that she cares about me and she said its hard for her to express herself like that, that's not the type of person she is, but it makes me wonder if she really cares about me at all and if this is just a waste of time. I should mention she is a damaged girl who has always been treated like by her boyfriends and I worry that sometimes I am too nice to her. she is not a relationship type of girl and im worried that she is scared of commitment and getting cold feet or something like that. I care about her a lot and do not want to lose her, I think we could have something special. I just don't know what to do and want to stop feeling confused, frustrated, neglected and all of that. any advice is very much appreciated. Thanks.

    And by the way, I do not think she is acting this way because she found another guy.

  2. #2
    Gold Member kitkat620's Avatar
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    She told you what she wants and the best thing for you to do, obviously, is honor her wishes. Give her all the time she needs, and if that's not enough for you maybe it's time you found someone else who has the same needs as you do.
    Forcing your wants on her is not going to make her want you more, it will push her further away.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Delacrank's Avatar
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    You sound sort of clingy. Maybe its not that serious, just a speed bump. Don't turn mole hills into mountains, please.

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    Platinum Member CeeLambrini's Avatar
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    She definitely needs space, both physically and emotionally. You've been assuming that she wants just as much time with you as you do her, which is okay - but it seems to have really suffocated her. Go into low contact. Let her text you, and reply with only as much affection as she gives to you. Don't let yourself cling onto her by telling her that you care about her when all she is doing is telling you about her day.
    I don't think in the long run this relationship is going to work though. You are one way, and she is the other. She isn't happy with the amount of time you spend together but neither are you if you give her space. You will have had lots of fun in the first few months when you were getting to know each other but now you are seeing each others true colours and it doesn't quite match up.

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    thanks for the advice, im going to keep giving her the space she wants. I just don't know how long I should keep this up before I decide that it is time to move on. problem is everyone thinks that we are so good together and I don't want to jump to a conclusion and end something that could potentially be great for the both of us.

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    that's what I am worried I am doing, letting my fears and anxiety's take over and make the situation worse.

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    Gold Member Delacrank's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 4evralone
    that's what I am worried I am doing, letting my fears and anxiety's take over and make the situation worse.
    It's because she spoiled you rotten with attention in the beginning and now you are just expecting it everyday. Sometimes relationships go into these sort of wanes, if she really loves you she will come around and if she doesn't than you are just better off anyways. Sometimes you need to just stop controlling things and let them happen on their own. If you really feel like she is leaving you at this point then just start dating new people, and take her off your mind for a while, i think its fine to date as long as you don't kiss them or sleep with them. And, if anything does happen between you and these new people, well then that's life, don't put yours on hold.

    Chances are if you confront her about the relationship problems, yeah things will only get worse, this is why it is hard to be in a relationship with someone who isn't putting as much effort into it as you are.

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    im going to take all of your advice. im going to distance myself a little bit and give her the same amount of affection, or lack there of, that she gives me and see how she responds. then based on how she responds to me I will decide what is best for me and what to do about her moving forward. it just sucks because I have wanted her for so long and now that I finally have her it will be tough for me to let her go. but if she is not good for me then I have to man up and get her out of my life.

  10. #9
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    I registered only to find out what has happened with your relationship?


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