"Work Husband"...Should I Be Concerned?

A year ago my girlfriend mentioned she had a “work husband” as a joke. I didn’t pay much attention to the comment at the time and forgot about it. She is part of the staff for a doctor in a small/medium office. He is the only man with an all-female staff. My girlfriend never mentioned him as a “work husband” again but she would talk about how he likes woman who dress well and woman who have large boobs and shapely butts etc. How his wife is plain and not flashy but that he loves his wife and would never do anything to destroy their marriage. She would also say that he has a colorful vocabulary involving swearing and sexual jokes (at work). She said he thinks with his penis a lot. I would take all of this with a grain of salt and never paid a lot of attention to it.

Recently she has become more and more frustrated at work (she is a nurse)….bothered by new company polices, longer hours, co-worker’s work habits/drama etc. A few months ago she was venting to me about how the office manager hired a friend (of the office manager) to fill a nursing position and now the new hire is being favored by the manager…there were other similar issues like that one that she would vent to me about.

About 6 months ago another new person (female) was hired as a doctor. This doctor has not been practicing too long and often goes to the other doctor (male, mentioned above) for advice and guidance. My girlfriend said this new female doctor has some issue with personal boundaries and acting inappropriately in the office. At one point she was flirting with people who came in to provide them with software training (she was wearing the trainer’s tie around the office and went out for drinks after with the trainers after hours), also, she is married. My girlfriend feels that she seeks male attention, especially from the male doctor mentioned at the beginning of my post.

My girlfriend says she needs a vacation and a new job and at this point my she is venting to me several times a week (to the point that she gets pretty angry) about this new woman doctor and how she creates a lot of drama with the male doctor and how he runs to help the new doctor at the expense of the nurses (hence why she says he thinks with his penis).

I’m beginning to wonder if my girlfriend is jealous of this new doctor. Now I’m wondering about the work husband comment from over a year ago.

Should I be concerned?

You should not be concerned NOW.....you should have been concerned THEN.

Wifey has been replaced by new doctor and is jealous.....which means she is no longer the focus of said penis.

Yeah, she sounds like she thinks work is high school and she's single. Probably best to get out of there, but I wouldn't be surprised if she gets involved in this stuff again somewhere else. This stuff goes on everywhere and you either choose to participate or not. Too many soap operas.

Umm, no, i don't have those kinds of conversations with my male co-workers. NEVER discuss their intimate body parts either.

Well, your GF sounds a bit jealous of the new female doctor. She may resent the attention and status and changed dynamics in the office with this new 'contender' in her office. This may have more to do with her competitiveness with other women (and female superiors) than it does about this other male doctor. I'm female, and have discovered that some women have a really hard time dealing with other women in positions of authority.. They'll accept a man in that role, but the second it's a woman, they start trying to compete for attention, even if the woman really is a superior in the office (i.e., a doctor vs a nurse). Your GF should be seeing that woman as a doctor (and her boss) and not as an equal or competitor for people's attention as if she and the doctor were 'equal' just because they're both women. They're not equal, because the woman is a doctor and not a nurse, and hence in a higher authority role rather than a peer as the other nurses are.

So it might be that she doesn't like this woman as a person (resents her gregarious personality) and also that she doesn't like working for women and resents it. So a new job might be in order.

You shouldn't be concern at all. Just friendly co-worker friendship they have. Friends talk about every subject. He may say things about his wife etc.

I also think your wife is jealous of the new doctor adn that she's been replaced by her with regards to the male doctor's attention. Now, it's a problem that she's no longer the queen bee, hence all the complaining.

She needs to get her resume in order and start looking for a new job then.

I don't really see the jealousy angle. What I do see is what sounds like a rather loose, chaotic workplace. It's fine if you fit into that, but it sounds like your gf might be a little too uptight for that kind of stuff. Meaning that she would be much happier in a more structured formal environment. The new doctor seems to be the final straw, adding to an already long list of problems of favoritism, bad co-workers, a boss without boundaries, now another boss also without boundaries, and who knows what kind of liabilities the nursing staff is getting exposed to and what problems they have to handle with patients as a result.

I think it's kind of weird OP that you are so insecure that you dredge up some old joke line from long ago as some kind of real thing and are feeling insecure about yourself when your gf is actually down and dealing with absolute hell at work. Maybe try to be strong and supportive instead of making yourself just another problem, especially where there is no problem and never was.

This is not the only work situation she has been frustrated with (as I mentioned earlier), so it’s not like this is the focus of her venting but it is the most mentioned subject.

My gf says she is frustrated with the drama this woman creates (and any other work drama) and that it is hard to see and treat her as a superior because of the woman’s behavior (hence wearing the trainer's tie around and flirting with the trainers). My girlfriend says that the woman (doctor) ends up crying about once every 2 weeks or so because she’ll create a scene and then “regret” what she did and ends up crying in front of the group and the male doctor coming to her rescue.

This woman used to be heavy and then had surgery to lose weight. She mentioned to the others that she is much more confident now than she used to be and she also mentioned she used to be a sex line operator while in MD school. My girlfriend is not into drama and doesn’t condone the talk/behavior of the male doctor

Dancing Fool.......thanks. What you said is what I thought to myself (and yes I do struggle with insecurity issues). I was thinking is my jealousy getting in the way and blowing this out of proportion?? My girlfriend doesn't put up with a lot of bull...although she has been working with this male doctor for 7 years and they are "close" in work terms I know she wouldn't be inappropriate.........

On the contrary I am very supportive but the other day she was venting again and I asked her to clarify something she said (about the work issue) and she got mad that I didn’t' understand what she meant......after that for some reason that made me think of the "work husband comment" and I wondered if she was jealous. I was mad that she got mad at me.

Reading through some of your old threads I would say your mind is making this a bigger deal than it really is.

Everyone likes attention even if they say they don't and your gf liked the attention the only male in the place was giving out. Well now a new woman that is flirty shows up and steals away that attention. I don't know if I would call it jealously but she is ticked off that he is paying so much attention to only her.

Either way encourage her to find a new place to work that hopefully has a more professional work environment. Be supportive and don't try and fix her problems, she just wants you to listen and understand.

Lost

Dancing Fool.......thanks. What you said is what I thought to myself (and yes I do struggle with insecurity issues). I was thinking is my jealousy getting in the way and blowing this out of proportion?? My girlfriend doesn't put up with a lot of bull...although she has been working with this male doctor for 7 years and they are "close" in work terms I know she wouldn't be inappropriate.........

 

On the contrary I am very supportive but the other day she was venting again and I asked her to clarify something she said (about the work issue) and she got mad that I didn’t' understand what she meant......after that for some reason that made me think of the "work husband comment" and I wondered if she was jealous. I was mad that she got mad at me.

Given the added details about the new doc....good grief... Look, your gf is in a bad place and mentally and emotionally exhausted after dealing with crazy all day long.

As already pointed out, just be the listening ear because she really really needs to vent and understandably so. Please don't try to turn this around and make it about you. Her nerves are frayed and yes, she will get edgy even with you. This is one of those moments in a relationship where a little bit of a thick skin would be good for you. Just listen, don't try to fix. Let her work up the steam to quit and look for another job, hopefully in a much more formal office where she'll fit in better.

It sounds like your girlfriend hasn't done anything inappropriate although the doctor's actions and comments are not work appropriate it all. My boss often uses the term work wife for a colleague of mine because she does most of his secretarial work and gets things done for him. I think you are reading too much into the 'work husband' comment. It may just mean that they help each other out at work to get things done. If it is really bothering you, you should talk to your girlfriend about it.

Tell your gf to give herself 6 months. It could all change within a few more months. The doctor is still new at that location. She could end up leaving or she could get along with new doctor. Never rush things. She could end up regretting it.

I wouldn't like the work husband comment because in my personal experience, whenever someone has been a work husband or work wife to someone else, one of the parties, if not both, at least had crushes on each other. Because of that - I wouldn't like it (I realize this may not be every case).

There may be some jealousy there - it's hard to tell. It might not necessarily be a romantic thing though - could just be an attention thing.

I LOATHE the phrase "work husband/wife." It makes it sound legit and it totally isn't. If you're not single, you shouldn't be so comfortable with someone of the opposite sex at work to talk about intimate things. It's unprofessional and disrespects the privacy of your relationship.

You should have disappeared when she said called him her work husband. He's probably smacking her butt all day long. Would you put up with that?