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Thread: PTSD ,Out of Darkness Into The Sun: My Recovery

  1. #71
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    Hypervigilence & Trust

    So I wake up this morning with the idea ,yeah yeah yeah yeah my sometimes paranoia is interrelated with my PTSD. And it is not even really paranoia. Because paranoia is based in something illogical and not in fact. These fears have in fact been founded before. I just have to get it through my head that not everybody is an a hole . I am always paranoid (well no it's not paranoid) in relationships. And it doesn't matter what relationship that is either. I am always hypervigilant waiting for that big screw job. The only relationship which doesn't hold this hypervigilance is the one with my child. And this is really not fair to other people. It is almost never in the forefront of my mind but it is in the back of my mind constantly waiting. I guess that is something to bring up with my counselor when I see her on the 20th.

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    My mother said I've always been afraid of dying from the time I was really small. My therapist thinks it's connected to people coming and going in my infancy. To the time when my parents broke up when I was-year-old and I went to live with my grandparents. The change in the bond with my parents obviously she said made a very large impact. And the fact that I never saw my father for an entire year that one day he was there and one day he was just gone. And then I got bonded to my grandparents and then went back to my parents. And my parents getting back together and breaking up and getting back together and breaking up and getting back together breaking up over the course of my young life. She said obviously that cause a lot of havoc on my infant mind. Yet my mother insisted I was happy. She said you loved your grandparents ,they loved you and I saw you every day after work. You were perfectly fine.

    You have to wonder who was right.

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    I am in a really bad PTSD rage. As in I feel........

  4. #74
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    #%^*+<|\($&&$6$&@&$)))))&&@@!!!!!!!!!!!ahhhhhhh!! ! I get so angry in some situations I feel like doing extreme physical violence to the people who have left me messed up like this. This insomnia is going to kill me.

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  6. #75
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    Hello me

    [video=youtube_share;YMC2jt_QVEE] ]

    Imagine 35 YEARS LIKE THIS

  7. #76
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    Oh God I still meet every criteria.

    [video=youtube_share;BZ4MbKeiwUE] ]

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    [QUOTE=Victoria66;6013248]Replace sister with niece and you get how vicious my uncle was. And replace son with brother. And replace adult woman with child.[video=youtube_share;qUcMohewjvI]

    I submitted to save my brother's life. He told me, " I will kill that little b and your father too. You respond to me and you LOVE me or I will kill him before your eyes."

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    [video=youtube_share;M1N5Yk0HM1Q] ]

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    I am crushed under the weight of being overwhelmed today. I actually feel physically compressed and crushed.

  11. #80
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    I am so fed up of having to live like this. It is absolutely ridiculous. I just can't put up with it anymore.

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