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Thread: <> I don't miss my ex but

  1. #11
    Member FindingClarity's Avatar
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    Some of the points from your story resonate with me. I feel ashamed to have got to the age I have and with a history of 2 relationships to only now be able to look back and realise all the mistakes and wasted time with people. And the huge regret that comes with it.

    I think I have learnt more in the last few months than I have the last 18 years, and I have massive work to do to get my head straight before I think about ever being with anyone. I'm so glad I found this forum, it really kick started my self discovery.

  2. #12
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    I'm glad this has helped. As with you, I felt ashamed and embarrassed, still do. At least now, you can see what what went wrong and what wasn't right. Your age doesn't matter because people with little relationship experience don't necessarily know what is the exact right thing. Like with me, I only had one prior relationship to this recent previous one and that was when I was in high school. So I had nothing really to compare it/relationships to. The first relationship I had was typical teenage stuff, but I never gained anything really from that experience. This recent ex I had, was only the 2nd serious relationship I had. With nothing really to compare it to, I didn't expect the things that happened in that relationship to happen. In time everything will be better. People find love at all ages. Don't let critical mouths or words discourage you.

  3. #13
    Member FindingClarity's Avatar
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    Well, one of my relationships was a very long marriage so I thought I had learnt from that. Clearly not! I didn't realise that you could be in a relationship and have a normal life to the outside world but still not have the relationship skills not to understand what was appropriate. I left one set of bad things and because I did not encounter the bullying behaviour I had in my marriage I was ecstatic and ignored all the other red flags.

    I think I just get really sad when I see others on here where I see the similarities. My last boyfriend was separated but he also wanted to keep the relationship a secret and this went on for nearly a year. At first I just thought we were being considerate of his children, but then it seemed I was kept a secret from everyone. The excuses I made to myself to understand him just make my mind boggle now. So as you can see I can really feel for your situation. Love is unfortuanately blind sometimes. But I was really pathetically needy and scared of being abandoned, but I have lots of friends and family and I hope you have too and am realising that I can live alone and actually I do like myself and hopefully with my growing confidence I won't be so vulnerable again. All the best to you!

  4. #14
    Platinum Member savignon's Avatar
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    On the bright side you've learned a valuable lesson and the red flags you saw will help guide you in future relationships. I agree that taking responsibility for your part in it is important. I was extremely naive in my situation with my ex and that was "mine" to carry/learn from. It doesn't mean you're not entitled to your feelings...in fact taking ownership of the things that left us in the situation for so long is empowering and makes us feel like we are in control of our own life.
    Focus on the positives...you're way less likely to be in a similar situation with all that you're learning from this.

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