Ex is hostile towards everything seeing the kid

I asked Saturday if I could see our daughter on sunday for few hours and she came back to me saying were gonna be gone all day, really all day with a 6 week old. she writes back I don't have to tell u were im going I don't have to wait around for you, I said youre right u don't u owe me nothing I just wanted to see our daughter for a little, I know everyone will say go to court and get visation set in writing, but I cant live like this seeing my kid once in a while and having a hostile mother I cant do this for next 18yrs.

Im really of just thinking of walking away forever , its what she wants she keeps pushing me and she wants me outa the picture maybe its the best for all of us, I cant keep putting myself thru pain everyday and every week.. she will and wants to find another man to play house with, maybe I should just give her what she wants part of me has hard time just walking away, another part of me things maybe its best for all of us..

Yes, everyone will say that.

If you had your court ordered visitation, you wouldn't be putting yourself through the the uncertainty. You can't it all, so you'll take nothing.

I know everyone will say go to court and get visation set in writing, but I cant live like this seeing my kid once in a while and having a hostile mother I cant do this for next 18yrs.

If you know everyone will say that, why not just do it?

No, dont 'give her', what she wants. YOU have every right AND this will NOT last forever. Like you said, things will be down on paper soon enough and out of 'respect' you have the right to see your daughter too.

She wont be getting away with this for long.. so remain in the picture. She won't 'win'.

You love your baby and you WILL get rights to her as well. SHE has to own up to this..

Don't give up.

tc

Because its difficult for me to see my kid once a week, I think the best thing to do is walk away from our child while she still is young, I cant believe im saying this, but maybe its best for all of us, I would rather not be involved then be part time dad and have to deal with hostile mother forever, its constant heartbreak for me.

maybe moving on and just starting a family with someone who will stick by my side is the best thing to do, rather then a broken family..

part of me says no another just says u have to fold in the towel and do whats best in the long run for all of us..

Shall I assume your extreme reluctance to go to family court and set up a visitation schedule would be due to the fact that you're not paying child support?

You mean, what is best for you. You mean because you don't want to pay CS.

You mean, what is best for you. You mean because you don't want to pay CS.

its not about the money, ive already spent 500 on her in 2 weeks, its about not seeing my child on daily basis and being a family. that's what kills me , coming home to empty house not seeing my kid first steps or able to hold her this is whats painfull, I cant live with pain like that forever its to much, why I think stepping a way and starting a family were I can be a family is the right thing..

Your expectation to see your child daily is unreasonable. Had you been married and divorced, this would not be happening.

That you and your baby mama cannot be in the same room without arguing makes it even more unreasonable.

You will never be a family. You can be a father.

Your expectation to see your child daily is unreasonable. Had you been married and divorced, this would not be happening.

That you and your baby mama cannot be in the same room without arguing makes it even more unreasonable.

 

You will never be a family. You can be a father.

I know thanks for stating the facts , exactly why I think its best for me to walk away, but part of me feels its wrong and another part feels its right thing to do..

Making a family with someone else won't erase the fact that you have a daughter out there If you have a soul, I guarantee that'll never be something you can forget. It'll always be you trying.to rationalize your decisions.

And you've made the cs a big point many times so to say it's not a part of it would be a fib. You said it's why you won't go to court now.

Frankly, I think it is a horrible decision and you would deserve every ounce of guilt you had coming.

It is never right for the child to be abandoned by her father.

Never.

She is just as much your child as she is hers.

If you want to be in her life you'll have to accept your going to have to fight for custody of the child.

If you truly want to be a part of your daughters life then you won't take no as an answer. You will go down the legal route and get your visitation.

I still think you are concentrating on wanting your ex back and not on the custody side of things.

Walking out of your childs life is NEVER the right thing to do. When she is older it'll mean all the more than you fought for her.

Making a family with someone else won't erase the fact that you have a daughter out there If you have a soul, I guarantee that'll never be something you can forget. It'll always be you trying.to rationalize your decisions.

 

And you've made the cs a big point many times so to say it's not a part of it would be a fib. You said it's why you won't go to court now.

 

Frankly, I think it is a horrible decision and you would deserve every ounce of guilt you had coming.

Im sure I would regret it, but it was the mothers fault for pushing me away and she will have karma and guilt her way..

she has done everything to be resentfull and hostile towards me, if she wanted to be an adult she can put her diff aside and least try to co parent with me in positive way.. this is the mothers doing that's making me make this decision..

It's not about you or your ex...it's about your child. You need to think about what is best for her.

The only reason it would be in your child's best interest to leave her life, would be if you were a horrible, abusive parent. Otherwise, it's in your daughters best interest to be involved with her, especially since your ex sounds like an angry person...your daughter will need you in her life for balance.

In Canada the courts have free mediation sessions that can help parents set up a custody agreement and child support payments. It just takes time. I'm not sure where you are, but there are probably some forms of reduced fee legal advice, like legal aid (if that's in the states).

The decision you make now will affect the rest of your life and your daughters life. You can walk away and start a new family....but it will f her up. She will feel abandoned. She will wonder why she wasn't good enough for you to stay involved in her life. At some point in 10-20 years...she will find you and ask you some really hard questions...and you'll need to have a better answer than, "it was too hard." You will have guilt. You will feel like you failed her. If you think it's bad now, wait until you've missed out entirely on her childhood.

Do the right thing. She didn't choose to come into this world. Don't abandon her.

Im sure I would regret it, but it was the mothers fault for pushing me away and she will have karma and guilt her way..

 

she has done everything to be resentfull and hostile towards me, if she wanted to be an adult she can put her diff aside and least try to co parent with me in positive way.. this is the mothers doing that's making me make this decision..

It is not the mother's doing. You are making the choice to not see your child or pay support or go to court to get something in writing. You are blaming others for your actions/inactions.

Your daughter is not going to accept "it's your mother's fault" years from now after she's grown up without a father. She will be correct to think that a father should go through hill* and high water to see her, and he should be the bigger adult who can ignore any flaws with her mother.

You have choices, you are not helpless, nor are you a victim. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and take some action, here. You haven't done anything yet. Do something.

You CAN see your daughter. Fact. No, it won't be everyday. But the courts do prefer involvement to be short but more frequent for little babes.

Your daughter is not going to accept "it's your mother's fault" years from now after she's grown up without a father. She will be correct to think that a father should go through hill* and high water to see her, and he should be the bigger adult who can ignore any flaws with her mother.

Good lord, 22 is in a "heads I win, tails you lose" situation. It sounds like he has to stay and be miserable because...the mother has a right to make him miserable for some reason, or he leaves and he's a horrible person. Why can't the mother be the bigger adult and let him see the kid? Why can't the the mother go through hill* and high water to ensure that the kid's father sticks around?

If I were you, 22, I would have walked away before now. But I'm not a parent, so I haven't been in your shoes.

You have choices, you are not helpless, nor are you a victim. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and take some action, here. You haven't done anything yet. Do something.

I agree 100%. It sounds like he won't be happy unless he has primary custody, so he needs to take her to court and smear her with everything he knows about her.

...that is what you meant, right? Or did you mean "take action" in the sense that he should just give up and do what the mom wants him to do?

Good lord, 22 is in a "heads I win, tails you lose" situation. It sounds like he has to stay and be miserable because...the mother has a right to make him miserable for some reason, or he leaves and he's a horrible person. Why can't the mother be the bigger adult and let him see the kid? Why can't the the mother go through hill* and high water to ensure that the kid's father sticks around?

 

If I were you, 22, I would have walked away before now. But I'm not a parent, so I haven't been in your shoes.

He doesn't have to stay anywhere, and he doesn't have to be miserable. All he has to do is go to court and get it straightened out. He wouldn't even have to see the mother- the courts can arrange for a neutral drop-off point with a relative, or at the very least have a mediator there.

And the mother should also be the bigger adult, but she's not being the bigger adult. Since he can't change her behavior, all he can do is change his.

It's not a small decision to walk away from a human being that you created. If he walks away now he may have to face his daughter in 18 years and explain why he didn't fight to see her.

He can go to court and get visitation rights. Sometimes life isn't straightforward and people don't act the way you want them too. I think the mother is being unreasonable. She should be glad to have the father wanting to see their child but it seems personal feelings are getting in the way.

However walking away isn't an easy thing to do. I'd be thinking of my child every day for the rest of my life and wondering if I could have done more.

Even if it's seeing his daughter once a fortnight in a visitation centre it's better than nothing.

The mom should absolutely be allowing him parenting time. Absolutely, 1000%. Unfortunately she is making it difficult for him, so his only option IS to petition the courts. He has rights, but he has to establish them through the legal system. It's lengthy, it's a pain in the ass, but it secures his rights to a relationship with his daughter.

You just don't walk away from your kids! You.just.don't.do.it.

I'm going off of what he said, which is that he can't see himself living this way--with minimal visitation. How much do you think the court will give him? That's an honest question, I have no idea. Will only seeing his kid every week or two tear him apart, or will it be enough?

Good lord, 22 is in a "heads I win, tails you lose" situation. It sounds like he has to stay and be miserable because...the mother has a right to make him miserable for some reason, or he leaves and he's a horrible person. Why can't the mother be the bigger adult and let him see the kid? Why can't the the mother go through hill* and high water to ensure that the kid's father sticks around?

 

If I were you, 22, I would have walked away before now. But I'm not a parent, so I haven't been in your shoes.

blue spiral its exactly how I feel, no matter what I lose, and why isn't she being person and least being cival and reaching out too to work with me and encourage a rel.. why is she making everything diffucult

I'm going off of what he said, which is that he can't see himself living this way--with minimal visitation. How much do you think the court will give him? That's an honest question, I have no idea. Will only seeing his kid every week or two tear him apart, or will it be enough?

courts will give me 20-30% a month, that's 6-9 days.. yeah that's awesome, I lose no matter what..