Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 6 FirstFirst 123456 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 54

Thread: My husband is obsessed w/other woman, but I can't bring myself to get a divorce!

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    8,755
    Gender
    Female
    What is it going to take for you to say enough is enough? He continuously cheats and lies and you are letting him get away with it, making it even easier for him to do again. All he has to do is come up with some absolutely naff excuse and another dead end promise of change and you're hooked again. Don't you see ... he isn't going to change because he doesn't have to. You put up with anyways. I really can't see what evidence you have that has proven to you he is EVER going to change.

    This is not a healthy environment for you or your children to grow up in because it will eat away at you. The lengths you are going to in order to keep track on him is not good for your emotional well-being and thus your childrens.

    Why wait any longer? You've waited long enough. He isn't going to change. Divorce isn't easy and I suspect that you are scared of what is to come. I am divorced (my husband left me for another woman). I had 3 young children. I got through it and I (and my children) are a whole lot better for it.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    53
    Posts
    10,362
    Gender
    Female
    Echoing a-little-blue:

    I am divorced working single mother of two. He was with his gf while we were married, still is, has a child with her now, though he lives in another city from her and from us. He would have never left our household. My daughters met her son, and when I found that out, it was finally enough to push me to end it.

    He will not leave you. You will have to do all the work, take all the responsibility, endure the unfairness of it, use an attorney to hold him accountable, document what you require, and suffer the knowledge that none of it is just.

    I am still paying off my divorce bills and living on every last penny. Even still, with the stress, the calendar, and the money, even with all of the craziness...

    I have never been happier and nor have my daughters.

    There is nothing better I could have done for them or myself, short of miraculously change my exH into a different man. I am friends with his now ex-friends, who tried to maintain their friendships but he dropped them. His inability to maintain a marriage is echoed in other parts of his life. This is certainly true for your H as well. He is leading all of you on a slow path of self destruction. Dont let him damage you or your children in that way.

    End it.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    8,806
    Originally Posted by kitkat620
    If your husband is a good father that is what your children are feeling. They are much too young to know what is really going on between you and your husband and I am sure they are not witness to any of your arguments about his cheating.
    I disagree that any children are too young to know that there is a problem in the house. If mom is anxious all the time, they know. They don't have to literally understand cheating or see an argument. There is likely a vibe of tension running all through that household on a consistent basis.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Chicago
    Age
    32
    Posts
    7,735
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by bulletproof
    I disagree that any children are too young to know that there is a problem in the house. If mom is anxious all the time, they know. They don't have to literally understand cheating or see an argument. There is likely a vibe of tension running all through that household on a consistent basis.
    My brother was a drug addict from the time I was four. I never saw the drugs, never saw him use, but I knew what was happening. The house was tense all the time, I would go to bed at night and hear raised voice. My room was far enough away I couldn't hear exactly what was being said but I knew it was nothing good. I picked up on things hear and there: My brother stayed out all nigh, a police officer showing up at our door, finding my mom crying, I started putting things together. My brother was always nice to me. I remember him letting me play with his action figures and letting me help feed his venus fly trap. But I still knew about the problems in the house.
    Last edited by Moontiger; 10-12-2013 at 12:20 PM.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    53
    Posts
    10,362
    Gender
    Female
    Regarding what children know:

    When my first daughter was about 6 months old, she went through several weeks of needing me to hold her on my hip while I did whatever I was doing all around the house. Normally, she was very independent, unusually trusting, quiet and curious.

    I asked the pediatrician: is there a stage? No. Is anything going on at home? she said. Well, I am planning my parents 50th anniversary party, but we are having it catered, its not a huge deal. "Yes, but its still a source of anxiety," the doctor said. "Your daughter can sense it."

    After the day of the party, my daughter never again went through such a needy phase.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    12,131
    I'm echoing what others say here about the kids knowing. My family had some relatives who caused all sorts of strife between my parents including cheating. I was only four and I distinctly remember hating whenever they would come around. Ditto my kicking the neighbor that was so "nice" to my mom when I was three. I knew, even though they never showed anything in front of me and the neighbor was always polite and friendly and never so much as touched my mom. I later found out he was sniffing around and hitting on her behind her family's back. At first she tried to ignore it since we were in sort of a rural place and he was helping my dad and she didn't want to blow it out of proportion. Or have my dad kick his butt either. But then she finally had enough and did some kicking of her own one day when he decided to lay his hands on her.

    I knew none of this and neither did my siblings, but we still took great delight in calling him "that bad man" to his face whenever we saw him. We knew because of the unspoken tensions, the expression on his face, the expression on my mother's face. None of use were older than six. Sorry, kids are so much smarter and observant than many people give them credit for. Also they will sense if you are unhappy and that will make them unhappy.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    8,755
    Gender
    Female
    Goodness me!!

    Did I really just read this .... "sometimes it is easier to accept the situation and believe the excuses" .....

    What kind of outdated advice is ALL this.

    The days where women had to put up with their husband's infidelity (amongst other things) has long gone. The days where there are no opportunities for women to make it on their own are long gone.

    No woman has to put up with constant affairs and lying. That sort of constant treatment attacks people's self-esteem and confidence. Not to mention their self-worth!!

    To say that children are not affected by this is dangerously wrong advice. OP, don't believe for one moment that your little one's aren't picking up on the negative emotions floating around the house ... and as long as you put up with this the longer she has to pick up on what is going on. Even if they are too young now they are going to get older.

    As regards hoping that one day he is done with the cheating ... well, there is also the chance that one day he is done with the marriage too because evidently he isn't emotionally invested enough to NOT have affairs. By sticking in this kind of marriage the OP is giving up her chance of finding someone who will love her as much as she loves him and who will treat her with the respect she deserves.

  9. #28
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    12
    Does he start behaving like he's sorry and truly loves you when you find out about what he did wrong? But then reverts right back to neglecting you?
    Being that I'm in a similar situation, I'm just curious.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    12,131
    I agree with everything a-little-blue said plus would like to point out another unwanted side effect of infidelity--the risk of venereal diseases. Some of which can kill you, so yeah sorry but that's got an element of Russian Roulette to it that I just don't think anyone be it woman or man, should be willing to put up with. From my viewpoint it's akin to bringing a loaded gun into the house every night when one partner is being promiscuous and engaging in unsafe sexual practices.

    To the OP I really, really hope you practice safe sex with your husband at all times and get regular checkups, because frankly he's already engaging in risky behavior so you cannot take his word for that any more than you know you can on anything else.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    8,755
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by ParisPaulette
    would like to point out another unwanted side effect of infidelity--the risk of venereal diseases. Some of which can kill you, so yeah sorry but that's got an element of Russian Roulette to it that I just don't think anyone be it woman or man, should be willing to put up with.
    Yes, this too. Totally disrespectful all round and it makes no sense at all to expect someone to put up with this "for the sake of the children"! What kind of role model is the father anyway?

Page 3 of 6 FirstFirst 123456 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •