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Why are some men/boys so sleazy?


oitnb

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A few things happened yesterday that really grossed me out and made me wonder... What causes some guys to be so dang sleazy?

 

I was walking my puppy and an older man, about 60 or so, yelled out "what kind of puppy is that?" I walked up to him figuring he was just a friendly old man who was a fan of pit bulls. We talked for a few minutes about my puppy and I was happy, thinking aw what a sweet old guy. And then he said "well next time I see you I'm gonna holler at you, you look good in those jeans girl." BARF ! Really?! This guy was older than my dad! And I didn't even hAve makeup on, an I've been told I can pass for 15/16 when I don't have any on! Ugh.

 

and then some guy who I don't even know messaged me on Facebook, I looked at his profile and he has a girlfriend. Really. Like I'm losing hope in men. It's so just, gross.

 

What causes these guys to be like this? Genetics, environment, past relationships?

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Because they've been allowed to do so with little to no retaliation.

 

Young women are often taught to be nice even when people are unbelievably creepy to them. So these men are at worst met with uncomfortable laughter or women freezing up when they do these things. Without self induced shame, these guys have no consequences when it comes to slathering their sexuality on people like a thick paste.

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Because they've been allowed to do so with little to no retaliation.

 

Young women are often taught to be nice even when people are unbelievably creepy to them. So these men are at worst met with uncomfortable laughter or women freezing up when they do these things. Without self induced shame, these guys have no consequences when it comes to slathering their sexuality on people like a thick paste.

 

That is so true.

 

I'm sorry but they do it because not only has it been allowed way too much, even encouraged in a lot of cases and rewarded, it is still generally socially acceptable.

 

One look at the rape and sexual abuse statistics shows that this has not been put in its place well enough even once in human history. Sliminess has been given way too much many accomplices and wave offs.

 

Other than women being drilled to be 'nice' and be passive, there is also the fact that the rest of the advice tends to be 'ignore it'.

 

If a guy got dropped every time he did this, he'd learn a lot faster.

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My ex gf was secretly married and using her husband for money, and using me for sex and passion. I had a stripper who was pregnant telling me she wanted a threesome with me and another stripper. I went to a club and got my butt and penis grabbed constantly, from two different groups of women. I was on a date and the girl randomly told me, "can i suck your ***". I had a girl get me drunk so she can sleep with me... in the middle of a living room... in a house that didnt belong to us.

 

Its called humanity...

 

Males just feel like they can get away with it more because its less socially unacceptable than when a female does it, so.. they speak with less censorship.

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Most men don't empathize with women plain and simple. Since these are issues that are typically unique to women, we don't know much about them therefore they don't exist. I was woefully ignorant until I began dating my girlfriend and saw the disgusting things people would say to her on a daily basis. It made me start to see things for what they really are.

 

Shes2smart was right, there is no consequence for this behavior for the most part. And since attractive women are sexual objects whose sole purpose is gratifying men there is no moral imperative for many men to not act this way.

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There are gross people of either gender. It's not just males. Many women also lack class and boundaries.

 

The best thing to do is to block and ignore. Ignore, ignore, ignore. I know it sounds bad but if I had a daughter, I'd tell her to ignore pervy men, do not address and try to shame because you don't know if they can overpower you. You don't want to get raped. I have been threatened only once physically with rape by an older boy when I was a girl and I just got the f__ out of there and he was not able to catch me.

 

Trying to fight gets you assaulted. Trying to shame or explain is a waste of time. These animals are hopeless and the best you can is wait until they are locked up for raping someone else, and then they can be assaulted in prison.

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LOl i wondered the same thing when i was with my ex i could not believe some of the things guys would say to girls over facebook expecially along with twitter. They would straight ask them if they can sleep with her and "give her a good cream pie" my ex had enough class to actually write this a$$ hole back and act like it was funny even though she said she was grossed out i think she actually was happy someone gave her attention(hence we are not together anymore). Guys dont care and they think they can get away with it becuase some women allow it to happen! like my ex, lol they think that girls like it and some girls desperate enough for attention will actually think its cute and attrative. lol It comes down to the fact that our society devalues women and men think that they can get awau with whatever they want! You need to tell these guys where the hell to get off and its not gonna be on you lol

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1. A glorious immunity to shaming tactics.

 

2. No reason not to, since we'd like to be treated the same way (i.e., a woman walking up to us and saying "You're hot, let's have sex").

 

3. Being subtle/polite has gotten us nowhere.

 

There's also a fourth reason...but it would probably get the thread closed, so I won't mention it.

 

I don't do anything like that, mind you--not because I think it's wrong, but because I have a strict policy of not speaking to women (or anyone) in public, unless I absolutely have to.

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Well maybe at his age he figures he has nothing to lose, but seriously I don't know why guys do those things. I used to think it was mostly younger ones, but I frequent our local Auto Parts store to pick up parts and most of the guys in there are on the older side. Say 35 and older. You'd be amazed how disgusting and rude they can be when an attractive female walks through the door. Of course they don't ever say much to the person themselves, but they stare so hard and stand in the back talking all sorts of junk. I usually just shake my head, get my parts and leave when they start that. I appreciate the female body as much as anyone, but was taught to be a gentleman. So there is probably your answer. It was how they were raised. Of course from what I see on Facebook every time a girl post a picture it makes me wonder if there is any hope for the future generation of guys. Then again a lot of girls seem to eat that attention up, so maybe there is just no hope for guys like me, haha!

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Because they've been allowed to do so with little to no retaliation.

 

Young women are often taught to be nice even when people are unbelievably creepy to them. So these men are at worst met with uncomfortable laughter or women freezing up when they do these things. Without self induced shame, these guys have no consequences when it comes to slathering their sexuality on people like a thick paste.

 

I'm not nice to sleaze balls lol. I let my inner biach shine when they piss me off. But I can see how some girls are nice, because they want to be polite.

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Like I said - it does go both ways. I've seen girls literally post pictures on Facebook/twitter/Instagram of just wearing a bra, naked picture, pictures in thongs with there butt propped up on the counter, picture kissing there girlfriends for attention, blah you don't even know how many sleazy pictures I've seen females post strictly to get a lot of "likes".

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I'm not nice to sleaze balls lol. I let my inner biach shine when they piss me off. But I can see how some girls are nice, because they want to be polite.

 

I'm as civil as I can be because I like my life. I think the reasons why are infinite -who knows? I wouldn't let it get to you - fortunately neither incident was extreme or threatened your physical safety.

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2. No reason not to, since we'd like to be treated the same way (i.e., a woman walking up to us and saying "You're hot, let's have sex").

 

3. Being subtle/polite has gotten us nowhere.

 

There's also a fourth reason...but it would probably get the thread closed, so I won't mention it.

 

I disagree quite heavily with both of these. No doubt there are men out there who would appreciate that kind of bluntness (just as there are SOME women out there who respond to this kind of treatment from men) but I have absolutely NO DOUBT in my mind that if men as a whole were subjected to the exact same level of objectification from the media and society at large that women face they would not be so keen on the idea. Walking down the street and constantly being on your guard every time a male comes towards you, having to cover yourself for protection when you go in and out of bars, being grabbed, poked, prodded in busy crowds, being hit on incessently and then when you say no being accused of being a 'tease' or that you 'really liked it', having politeness mistaken for interest and disinterest mistaken for rudeness or (w)"itchiness", hearing things like "What? I was just complimenting you...lighten up!" and of course the statement of "I would love it if I was treated like that". These are things women endure on a DAILY basis and NO, you don't know what that is like and I doubt you would care for it if you did.

 

#3: Being polite WILL get your somewhere. Maybe not the romantic somewhere you want, but it WILL get you somewhere. It will get you seen as a decent human being instead of a sleeze. In terms of romance it will even get you somewhere. Maybe not with every woman (there are some who are just not interested no matter how polite you are), or some that respond to jerks (because of low self esteem or constant bad treatment from men). Whatever the reason is, blaming your lack of success on being "too polite" is beyond ridiculous. ANY man that speaks to me in a rude or disrespectful manner is NOT going to get anywhere with me. Period. Because I have self respect and most women who have self respect will say the same thing. If you treat all woman with politeness and respect, eventually you will get one to respond.

 

And you're right - based on 2 and 3, I don't want to know what the fourth reason is.

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I disagree quite heavily with both of these. No doubt there are men out there who would appreciate that kind of bluntness (just as there are SOME women out there who respond to this kind of treatment from men) but I have absolutely NO DOUBT in my mind that if men as a whole were subjected to the exact same level of objectification from the media and society at large that women face they would not be so keen on the idea.

 

You're absolutely right, but it goes both ways. If each gender knew what it was like for the other gender, they'd surely behave differently.

 

#3: Being polite WILL get your somewhere. Maybe not the romantic somewhere you want, but it WILL get you somewhere. It will get you seen as a decent human being instead of a sleeze. In terms of romance it will even get you somewhere.

 

From the time I was about thirteen to the time I was twenty-five, I tried being nice in order to get girls to like me. Part of it was agenda-oriented, and part of it was because I really do believe in treating others the way I'd like to be treated. I am here to tell you that it never worked in any significant way. Just speaking for myself, spending time around women that like you and think you're an upstanding guy (but won't sleep with you) isn't very fun. Maybe that's why so many men go the "sleazy" route: they're tired of the middle-ground known as the friendzone, and being evil and direct is a way to avoid it. At least you know, one way or the other, and you don't have to keep wasting your time with a woman that may or may not give you a shot, someday.

 

Honest question: do you think your plan ("If you treat all woman with politeness and respect, eventually you will get one to respond") sounds particularly appealing or hopeful to men? I mean, eventually you will get one to respond? So, maybe when they're around thirty, they'll get a response from a woman they're not even attracted to? (If you think I'm exaggerating, look at some of the "involuntarily celibate" posts on ENA from guys who can't even get a single date or girlfriend. If not for absolute dumb luck, that would be me.) I'm sorry, but that sounds more like a conscience write-off than a realistic plan. "I don't have to feel bad about their situation...if they keep trying, well, they'll probably eventually find some girl. They shouldn't be complaining, they'll find some woman desperate enough for an inexperienced man. Not me, though..."

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There's a difference between being polite and courteous, while also being confident, than being shy and polite and insecure. I'm betting most of these involuntarily celibate men are the latter.

 

I'm sure you're right, but that's an entirely separate issue. Confidence is a trait (and I think that some people are incapable of learning/developing it), while how one treats others is behavior. And, just as women have to deal with sexual double-standards, men have to deal with confidence-related double-standards. A meek, unassuming woman can get a boyfriend just as easily as a confident one. (I've never heard a man say, "Yeah, I like her, she's really confident.") But a meek, unassuming man--such as moi--will be swimming against the current.

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