Gf cuts herself

Hey guys, I found out 3 weeks ago that my girlfriend cuts herself. She is 22 and she told me the night that we first told each other that we loved one another. She told me that she has been cutting since junior in high school now a senior in college. I actually knew before hand by seeing all the cuts on her arms and thighs but waited for her to tell me. I understood but told her that she would need to be honest with me whenever she did cut herself. One thing I did not want was for her to ever lie to me about....I wanted her to feel comfortable around me to the point where she could be open about with me. She sees two doctors who know about her cutting and has anxiety and depression in which she is on medication for.

Now for the real problem. We were at a school party last night and having a good time until we are about leave when she comes out of the bathroom with a long cut going from her arm to her forearm and another 3 cuts on her hand which I didn't notice till later. She looked at me and said that she ran into someone and a beer can cut her...I actually believed her because it was so noticeable. It was on the outside of her arm and was bleeding so and I figured if she wanted to cut herself she would at least try to hide it....at a party of all places however she was drunk. Her roommate later told me that she self inflicted it and I got upset. Not at the fact that she cut herself but at the fact she lied to me about it. This is the second time she has lied to me. I have been supportive of her but I cannot have her lying to me. I know she is scared because she knows I do not like it but I know she can control lying to me right into my eyes. She started to cry heavily when I told confronted her about it and told me she never wants me to leave her. However I cannot be worrying about her whenever she is not in my sights.

It has gotten to the point where I feel like a parent that is always worried about her and am afraid if I do break up with her at some point that she will even hurt herself more. I feel stuck. I truly love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her and help her in anyway but I know that cannot happen without trust. I dont want it to become something in which I stay with her because of fear for her life. I know this is long and thank you for whoever reads it all. Is there any advice anyone can give me? For me and for her? Thank you so much!!

I think you will get some help off here , there are a few people who have dealt with this.

I am not one of them , but ..I believed that it was a private affair and that that act of doing it at a party is pure attention and nothing more ...but as I don't know , you can't take my word for it

really ....

at least she sees the doc and it is getting addressed ....would you say she has got worse since you know ? I ask because she again might enjoy the attention again ..its all part and parcel of mental health and I know it is a terrible illness to have ...

Wow. This is a tough situation.

You may need to walk away. She is someone with serious issues. And, as you said, you have become a parent in the relationship. The bottom line is there is nothing you can do to make her stop, she has to want to and get more help then she is getting now. Her doctors, is one of them a therapist? If yes, how often does she go?

If you really care about her, as it sounds you do, then you will not let this issue get in the way of your relationship with her. Yes there are some serious issues here that need to be addressed, it would be good to get her to a doctor or therapist because cutting is dangerous. She lies to you probably because she's ashamed that she cuts and doesn't want you to feel bad for her/ do anything about it and she feels it is her own problem. Obviously these are guesses because I don't know her personally but I've had experience with very depressed/suicidal people before. Often times they want to keep their issues to themselves and not tell anyone because it is a SAD thing to talk about.

Hope this helps!

She sees a social worker in which she actually sits down with him/her for an extended period of time and talks about her problems and the other is just a doctor that prescribes her medication. I believe she goes once or twice a month to the social worker which in my opinion she should go every week.

She has told me that cutting is just a coping method in which she feels it is no different than crying or sleeping to cope over something. She also does say that she feels that this is her own battle and she doesnt want me to be brought down because of it. There is that part of me that feels that a relationship is the last thing she needs but then she crys that If I ever left her then she would want to die. I am in a very tough spot.

Also she has only told one other person other than me about the cutting besides her doctors. Now within a couple weeks....Me and all of her roommates now know. They, like me, have known just by seeing her arms but for my gf I understand its alot to take in after not telling anyone for years.

She needs to see a a trained therapist at least once a week. She may also need to see a different doctor about her medication.

I know she does but its hard to confront her about that. Her parents dont even know about the cutting which I feel they should but i also know its not my place to tell them without her permission.

My Daughter started having panic attacks and actually passing out from them. I got her into a local mental health unit for counselling. It was there that I found out she was cutting as well. I have never felt so helpless in my life, so I understand how you are feeling at the moment.....

She ended up being diagnosed with attachment disorder stemming from the fact that her Father & I divorced when she was 5. All this came up when she was 15 & her Brother left home.

My Daughter had intensive weekly counselling & anti depressants. It took a long time, but she eventually got the issues under control.

Your GF needs to get to the cause of her cutting. She also needs to tell her Parents. Not sure how that is going to happen, but they need to be part of her healing process.

I wish you luck, as this is a huge problem to handle alone.

If the lying and constant worrying has become a burden then you need to do what's best for you. I do find it odd that so many people know she's cutting. I did it for years and no one ever found out about it. I don't even admit it to people I know in real life that I've ever done it. But I don't know your girlfriend personally so I don't want to assume that part of this is for attention.

At any rate, it's good that she's talking to someone and seeing a doctor but I agree, going only a couple times a month doesn't seem like enough. Maybe again suggest that she go more often to the social worker and speak with her doctor about her medication. If her cutting herself is causing you stress then it's likely that if you stick around she's just going to become a huge burden on you. And either way, this is a choice she's making and if you decide that it's not all right with you then you have every right to get yourself out the of the situation. If it makes you feel better, even if you decide to leave, keep an eye on her and check in but whatever action she chooses to take after the break up if that's what you feel is best, is not your fault.

Obviously you do not care about her enough to stand by her and by the sound of it you are judging her for what she does. People who self injure are likely to lie about doing it, so if you feel like the parent then leave her because by the sound of it you are just looking for any reason to leave her. If you really love her you wouldnt let this get in the way of your relationship. Even if she has lied about cutting, its her body.