Men what really happens at a strip club?

My fiancé went out with guys from work one night and they ended up going to the local strip club which normally I wouldn't care but he was there for 3 hours and spent almost 400$. His excuse was that he bought all the drinks and he bought the guys lap dances and he said he never got a lap dance. First off I am not a stupid girl, 400$ and he didnt get one, ya right. If nothing happened why would he lie. Also 400$ is alot of lap dances at 50$ a pop. I think that he got a private room with a BJ. He says I'm crazy that doesn't happen at strip clubs. My question to all the men is what really happens in those private rooms? Is what he says probably the truth or is the BJ story more then likely the truth? This has been driving me crazy for like 8 months now. I just want to put it to rest.

I'm not a man, but yes, it is well known that BJs do happen at a lot of strip clubs... depends on the club though... classier clubs prohibit that, but sleazy ones may not.

And how many guys was he out with? If he bought drinks for 20 people it could easily hit $400, but if he was only out with a couple guys, i'd be more suspicious about what he was doing.

My husband has been to strip clubs twice for stag dos. I don't mind if he has a lap dance as in the UK they are very strict about touching rules etc. I wouldn't assume he'd had an extra. It's all about trust. If he had something to hide why would he tell you how much he'd spent and where he'd gone

Private doesn't mean 'anything goes' either. It'll depend on the law as mentioned already.

He didn't. I investigated

My question to all the men is what really happens in those private rooms? Is what he says probably the truth or is the BJ story more then likely the truth? This has been driving me crazy for like 8 months now. I just want to put it to rest.

Unfortunately, the fact is this: you're the only one who can "put it to rest" and you're the only one who can keep it from resting, too.

You can't rewind time and witness that evening for yourself, so you have just his word on what did (or didn't) happen. So, you either believe what he's told you or you don't.

Sounds like you don't. Does he lie to you about other things? Do you not believe what he tells you about other things? If it was me, I'd be more upset about the money he spent on a night out that didn't include me...even if the events of the evening did not include a strip club. Unless you are pulling down serious coin, $400 in one night is enough to put a dent in most people's budgets.

Anyway, what happened (or didn't happen) is a past event at this point. It is not going to change. So you can keep letting it bother you and keep hanging onto it and going over it again and again....or you can let him know you'd prefer it didn't happen again and let it go.

It depends on the club. Some have BJ stands in back rooms (usually the "VIP room) and others do not.

A good friend of mine used to be a stripper and also told me some strippers would give BJS while others would not. In most cases it is the ones needing drug money who will give the BJs. It can be a vicious cycle of addiction to drugs, self-medicating to get through the "job", and then being addicted to the money from the job.It really does depend on the club though. Sad really.

I guess there are 2 issues here: trust and finances.

Do you trust your fiancé? Is this a typical thing that he does with friends?

While I would not build a life with a man who had an inclination to go to strip clubs, I can say that I would trust my husband in any situation or circumstance. However, if it was one of his pass times I would not be happy about it. The expenses alone would make me worry about our financial future. $400 in a evening is a bit excessive.

You should know that drinks and admission prices are notoriously overpriced in those places as well. I have gone to a couple of these clubs while my husband and I were traveling, just to see it for myself first hand. The prices are ridiculous. Aside from that I was disgusted by the dynamic of the place (a bunch of people acting like hound dogs) and would not go back again.

Thank you. You made me feel better and no we have been together for 4 years and he has only did that once and he knows that will never happen again. That is not something I would ever put up with on a regular or even semi reg basis. He has really only been out without me a couple times. We enjoy spending time together and usually when he spends money he spends it on me that's why I let this one time slide. He works hard and he is a good provider for our family. Thanks again.

There can be lots of pressure on guy to play the 'big man' and show they are better/stronger/more manly than other guys. So they can get in those strip club environments where are lot of guys are hooting and hollering and egging each other on. If a guy has low self esteem, he can be INSTANTLY popular if he starts playing along and buying drinks and dances for other guys... So they can go to some excesses (spending money buying other guys drinks/dances) especially if they are not used to that environment and get overly excited/drunk.

Strip clubs are really more about male bonding than anything else if you've ever seen videos of how men behave in those clubs. They're all chortling and slapping each other on the back and showing they're 'brave' enough to slip money into the girls garters and g-strings and hoot and buy another round for the boys, but they're really spending as much time looking/talking with their buddies as they do ogling the women!

Thank you. You made me feel better and no we have been together for 4 years and he has only did that once and he knows that will never happen again. That is not something I would ever put up with on a regular or even semi reg basis. He has really only been out without me a couple times. We enjoy spending time together and usually when he spends money he spends it on me that's why I let this one time slide. He works hard and he is a good provider for our family. Thanks again.

I don't think you let it slide. Sounds like you thought he got a bj and was lying about it.... But.... If he truly is a good guy and you are happy otherwise, why not give him the benefit of the doubt? Then go buy yourself something for $400. That way he knows those expense guys nights out are more than just pricey! Lol!

To answer your question, yes it happens. I have a guy friend that told me about it.

Yup- if he is a good worker & provider and that was years ago and not something 'regular'?

For sure, time to let that go!

Work on what you two have. Give him love and move on from that.

In my area, here's how it works:

Entrance is stiff, like $10 or $20

One Drink is mandatory, Water is $5.00 a bottle if not $10.00

Stage tricks are $1

15 minute lap dances are $20

VIP starts at $100

These prices are what I remember in 2003

I know a guy who on his first time was having a great time with lap dances until he was his tenth in and the bouncer informed him they were $30 each.

A strip club essentially cuts out all the "crap" and goes straight to the chase, the nude. No strip club can compete with a partner, unless the partner is a prude and Never shows it or extremely unsatisfying to look at. In either case, it's a fantasy.

I've only been to one once, a couple stage tricks and my friend bought me a lap dance. In my case, it was more emotional than physical, I just liked holding her. Hence, I can't go back to those places, it's bad luck to fall for a stripper. Though I'll be honest, I wish I knew what became of that girl.

If your fiancé did get a blowjob, it's really not a big deal unless he got a STD in the process. And I say this because before you, he got BJs, and after you, he will get BJs. If you're not offering them, then it could actually be a big deal, a very big deal, because we typically want something more if we don't have it. A BJ really has no emotional connection, either, it's getting sucked off.

Whatever happened, you'll be best to let it go.

I've went a couple times a long time ago. Never spent more than a hundred dollars, and always felt horrible and used afterwards, so I stopped going.

Yes, there are entry fees. Back in the day they had I think $10 and $20 dances, but you could ask for a $30 for a longer dance. I went with a co-worker and he told me to avoid the private VIP rooms (didn't say why) so it would not surprise me if illegal activity went on there.

In the state I lived in you had to plant your hands firmly to your side, they had skimpy clothes when doing the lap lance, did a little peek-a-bool and basically twerked on your lap. also you could not drink but you had to pay for the girl's drinks.

Spent about a $100 bucks each time but again that was 'back in the day' (late 90's). I only spent an hour or less each time, I can easily see him spending $400 if he stayed there for a few hours nowadays, but I dont' NECESSARILY think he got a BJ..

Prostitution is what happens. Anyone who says otherwise is naive, has been lied to, or lying to cover their tracks.

Prostitution is what happens. Anyone who says otherwise is naive, has been lied to, or lying to cover their tracks.

They're selling their body from the second you walk in the door, and that's the whole reason why people go - to see bodies. If they were lawfully allowed to hand out more, you betcha they would, and the people would pay, as so many people already DO pay for "extra service." I dare say the number of people who go to strip clubs reflects the number of people who would willingly and happily visit brothels if they were legal. For what it's worth...

LOL, OP, maybe you should go to a male strip club. You never know you might find another Channing Tatum.

Maybe this will relax your mind just a bit how strip club goes.

Hi Jayme,

I acutally used to be a stripper for a year and a half. I've worked in some amazing clubs in London. I can't vouch for what goes on in different clubs, every club is different, but what I can say is that in England you have camera's on you and bouncers outside of the booths. A lot of the girls would never even think of doing anything like that.

If you go to a good club, the women there are business women, they're professionals, some of them will be studying for law degree's - I know there are seedy clubs out there and I'm not saying it doesn't go on, but in my experience, it's definitely not true that all strippers are who will go down on guys for extra cash. I definitely wouldn't!!! What I'm saying is, in my opinion, most women who work in clubs won't be looking at your partner like they want to steal him, he'll just be a piece of meat, like a walking pound sign. Most girls who work in these clubs aren't there to steal your boyfriend, they're just there for the money.

You need to have an honest, open chat to your partner. What type of club is this? Is there a website for it where you can see prices? They are normally expensive places, drink prices are normally hiked up above average and if he's getting other guys lapdances, well, I can see how he could easily rack up $400.

To give you an idea of what it was like price wise for me:

£25 entrance fee

£4.50 for an average pint of beer

£25 for a 3 minute lapdance - and most guys just tell you to keep going so you end up at like, 15 minutes

£100 VIP room for an hour

£80 champagne and upwards

I'm not defending him! You know him better than anyone. If you feel like he's lying, use your instinct and have a chat. Everything needs to be above board.

Is everything going okay in your relationship? What are the reasons why you'd think he would seak sexual favours from another woman?

- Lolita

Prostitution is what happens. Anyone who says otherwise is naive, has been lied to, or lying to cover their tracks.

Apparently you are unaware of what sexual intercourse is, which is a required component of prostitution, in a legal sense anyways. I can assure you not all people engage in sexual intercourse in strip clubs.

I am not naive, been lied to, or covering my tracks.

I dare say the number of people who go to strip clubs reflects the number of people who would willingly and happily visit brothels if they were legal.

Wrong. Though I have only frequented a strip club a couple times in the past, I would NEVER step foot in a brothel.

Ive seen more of my friends take home and hook up with random girls from a regular dance club then a strip club...

like any other place if your looking for something you will find it if you want to..

Wrong. Though I have only frequented a strip club a couple times in the past, I would NEVER step foot in a brothel.

It's a rough estimate, one that accounts for the number of people who have never been in a strip club but would happily go to a brothel.

All the same, while you have gone a couple times, have you ever gone more than just a lap dance? Would it shock you to know that the going rate in my city for a hooker is roughly [only] 2-4 times the going rate for VIP? {the things I discover on craigslist...}

Apparently you are unaware of what sexual intercourse is, which is a required component of prostitution, in a legal sense anyways. I can assure you not all people engage in sexual intercourse in strip clubs.

 

I am not naive, been lied to, or covering my tracks.

Just because you didn't pay for sex doesn't mean others were not, hence you being naive. I never said all people do, just that prostitution happens there. It might not even always be on premesis. It could be at a hotel of the strippers choosing after work or on a night she's not working at the club. Easiest way to find a prostitute is in a strip club. These girls are addicted to easy money and they make way more crossing lines than they do dancing.

Drugs are another thing that happen there whether you're aware of it or not. Might not be out in the open but if you want to buy some coke or meth, hang around the stalls in the bathroom.

Overall, they're some seedy ass places. It's possible to go in, order a glass of milk and just watch, but it's also possible go in, get coked up and pay for sex.

So morally speaking...is it better to give the girl alcohol and gamble on her inhibitions lowering enough to where she says yes, or to just pay her up front and do it?

So morally speaking...is it better to give the girl alcohol and gamble on her inhibitions lowering enough to where she says yes, or to just pay her up front and do it?

;] Give her alcohol and gamble on her inhibitions.

Why?

Because I would feel like I'm Jamie Foxx and I can pull the "Don't blame it on the al-al-al-co-co-co-hol."

I never said all people do, just that prostitution happens there.

My apologies then. It seemed like you were implying that men go there to engage in prostitution.

It's a rough estimate, one that accounts for the number of people who have never been in a strip club but would happily go to a brothel.

 

All the same, while you have gone a couple times, have you ever gone more than just a lap dance? Would it shock you to know that the going rate in my city for a hooker is roughly [only] 2-4 times the going rate for VIP? {the things I discover on craigslist...}

No I haven't.

Look, for me, it was mainly curiosity, and I had a boss that loved going and felt a little pressure to.

I remember as a child passing a strip club every time I was driven home from pre-school. On the outside of it, there were silhouettes of naked women painted on the walls. I asked my parents what it was and then said, "When I grow up I'm going there and nobody's gonna stop me!" They actually found it funny that a little kid would say that and that probably thought I'd outgrow that. I didn't.

Again it seemed like you were making a blanket statement about men who go to strip clubs. Maybe they're they're there out of curiosity. Maybe they're just there because they like the scenery and the attention from the ladies. Maybe they're having a 'guys night' with co-workers. Who knows. I just don't believe that nearly all men going there are viewing it as a market for potential prostitutes. Especially now in the internet age. If it is so easy to get 'full service' on Craigslist, then why incur the extra expense of going to a strip club? As Mylolita said, there's no guarantee the particular girls you like at the club are going to be agreeable. It's not like you'd HAVE to have sex if you didn't like a craigslist girl or whatever (although I know nothing about craigslist).