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Wife wants a divorce


John Mitchell

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My partner kicked me out last Tuesday and has said to friends that she wants a divorce and hasn't been happy for awhile, i started looking for something wrong with her and she found out which apparently has made her mind up 100% and that she is happy without me , i wrote her a letter explaining how im changing and that i shouldn't have looked for a problem with her when i was the problem and asked her for a chance and if it doesn't work out then i wont bother her anymore but from what i know she wont read it, we have been married for two years and have two kids together, what are the chances that i can save this relationship she wont speak to me or see me and she hasnt told me herself that she doesnt want to be with me she expects her friends to do it so i think she may be trying to not see me so she doesnt change her mind so would a big romantic gesture work flowers suits dinner the whole nine yards i dont think i could live without her so please any help

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My partner kicked me out last Tuesday and has said to friends that she wants a divorce and hasn't been happy for awhile, i started looking for something wrong with her and she found out...

 

What does this mean, you went looking for something wrong with her?

 

Does this mean you snooped to see if she was cheating?

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What does this mean, you went looking for something wrong with her?

 

Does this mean you snooped to see if she was cheating?

 

I convinced myself she had something wrong with her like BPD or bi polar and i know i shouldnt have done that and i have said sorry for it in my letter and that it was a moment of weakness for me as i was in shock.

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I convinced myself she had something wrong with her like BPD or bi polar and i know i shouldnt have done that and i have said sorry for it in my letter and that it was a moment of weakness for me as i was in shock.

 

Do you have a history of doing things like this? Are there other boundaries you have crossed? Do you tend to place blame on your partner?

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I just did research on them and i told a friend i thought she had it (i know dumb) anyway the friend told her and i realized abit to late that it was wrong to do it.

 

Do not engage in arm chair psychiatry. Psychiatrists went to school for many years to learn to diagnose mental illnesses. Reading things on the Internet makes NO ONE an expert. And it doesn't give anyone a license to diagnose anything either. Really, this trend in society is extremely disturbing and immoral and unethical.

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Do not engage in arm chair psychiatry. Psychiatrists went to school for many years to learn to diagnose mental illnesses. Reading things on the Internet makes NO ONE an expert. And it doesn't give anyone a license to diagnose anything either. Really, this trend in society is extremely disturbing and immoral and unethical.

 

i realize that and i have said im sorry about it but i dont think the friend who told her would tell her that but i am truly sorry about it.

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Well, at least you realize why you did it. WHich is more than can be said for a lot of people here who indulge in arm chair psychiatry to make themselves feel better.

 

However, it's pretty damn difficult to overcome something like that. She made a decision not to be with you then you sealed the deal by telling people she's mentally ill for it.

 

This friends relaying messages garbage needs to stop - You are grown individuals. If you need someone to talk to, I'd suggest an objective party. I agree you should hear it from her that she wants a divorce, but I think the fact that she isn't responding to contact and won't see you is loud and clear. If her friends are the ones contacting you with 'messages', tell them to stop it. Is that what's going on, or have you been contacting them fishing for info?

 

And what happened prior to her telling you to leave?

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Social services gave her a choice me or the kids, as i said we have two kids so no contact doesnt really work, this happened for a week last year and we was back together in no time at all but due to the friend i dont know and i dont tell my friends anything anymore except positive things so they cant go behind my back and make things worse for me.

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I'm reading through your previous thread and I am more confused.

 

1). No one here, absolutely no one here, is qualified to 'rule in' or 'rule out' BPD or any other mental illness, period.

 

2). Where do you live that social services would say it's you or the kids because you are "controlling"? How are you controlling? Were you mandated to do any parenting classes, do you have supervised visitations or anything? Can you elaborate more on what's going on there?

 

3). What happened with the bruise?

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Social services gave her a choice me or the kids, as i said we have two kids so no contact doesnt really work, this happened for a week last year and we was back together in no time at all but due to the friend i dont know and i dont tell my friends anything anymore except positive things so they cant go behind my back and make things worse for me.

 

This is a HUGE red flag for me. Social services doesn't do this lightly. If you could clarify the time line for me- When was your son's face bruised? When was social services involved? When did they tell her to pick between you and the kids? What did she do? When did you start researching mental illness? When did she ask for a divorce?

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But honestly the psychiatrists are generally idiots who over-prescribe meds which they know nothing about; his diagnosis has the probability of probably being as accurate as one of their own diagnostic tests, PET scans notwithstanding. Anyways, I've diagnosed my EX with a psych disorder too... and it's ill-advised.... even if true, heh. I wouldn't give up man, you're married with kids, fight until she tells you there's no way.

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I agree social services doesn't lightly say your husband or your kids. That means if you decide to stay with your husband they take your kids away. They don't take kids away for no reason at all. Most normal mature protective mothers are going to choose their children over their husband in that situation.

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This is a HUGE red flag for me. Social services doesn't do this lightly. If you could clarify the time line for me- When was your son's face bruised? When was social services involved? When did they tell her to pick between you and the kids? What did she do? When did you start researching mental illness? When did she ask for a divorce?

 

May - social services called over bruise on oldest face, full medical done no problems.

june - social services escalate TAF to CIN, they then take it from CIN to a conference before any meetings were done

august - confernce atteneded, was told that we had to attend parenting courses and make sure that our oldest had milk introduced into his died, 4 days later i got kicked out.

the confernce was on a thursday so they would have had to tell her to choose on the friday monday or the day she kicked me out tuesday, she came home and told me to stop being so nice because i was telling her how i had been cleaning the house the whole day and painting the kids room and had made plans for us to have some time alone, the day after i got kicked out i started looking at things on the internet, she hasnt asked me for a divorce she has only mentioned it to one friend.

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I'm reading through your previous thread and I am more confused.

 

1). No one here, absolutely no one here, is qualified to 'rule in' or 'rule out' BPD or any other mental illness, period.

 

2). Where do you live that social services would say it's you or the kids because you are "controlling"? How are you controlling? Were you mandated to do any parenting classes, do you have supervised visitations or anything? Can you elaborate more on what's going on there?

 

3). What happened with the bruise?

 

they put us forward for incredible years, i dont know how but apperently i am, they havent told me that i have to have supervised although they have apperently said that i will to my partner, the bruise they said there was no way of knowing if it was abuse or just playing around (basic response so they dont look bad for starting it)

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I agree social services doesn't lightly say your husband or your kids. That means if you decide to stay with your husband they take your kids away. They don't take kids away for no reason at all. Most normal mature protective mothers are going to choose their children over their husband in that situation.

 

i argee she made the right choice there never would argue with that.

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A few more questions:

 

1) What does TAF and CIN stand for? (I'm just curious)

 

2) How did your son get the bruise?

 

3) How old are your children

 

4) Has CPS told you to stay away from her, your children?

 

5) Why did you not attend the confernce anyway?

 

TAF - Team around the family, CIN - children in need

My wife thinks it came from him entertaining his brother in a coffee shop but i thought it was from his bed because it has this side bar things to stop him coming out so i took them off just incase, almost 3 and 1 yr old, Nope they havent said anything to me as of yet even though i have told them im getting counselling and such oh they did say that is positive, i did attend the conference a plan was to be agreed upon which was attend courses and have monthly weigh ins for our oldest.

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