Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Dumpers and Rebounders: Can you describe your "Relationship" experiences?

  1. #1
    SooSad33
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    5,695
    Thanked
    784

    Dumpers and Rebounders: Can you describe your "Relationship" experiences?

    I have been thinking of some questions geared towards those who've either 'dumped' and moved on or those who've had 'Rebound relationships' (moved on quickly into another relation after a LTR ended).

    I have seen a few stories lately from an occasional dumper or someone who thought they may have been in a 'rebound'. So, i'd like to ask you:?

    1) Is it more common for the dumper or dumpee to run into a new relationship? ("rebound").
    (were YOU a dumper or dumpee?)

    2) Can you describe what they are like? Are they good at first? For how long before you noticed changes?
    Did YOU feel like there was some kind of 'honeymoon stage' at first? For how long..

    3) During your time with the 'new' person, were you often thinking about your Ex?
    (when.. first thing in the morning? While driving..? or brought on by 'memories'?)

    4) Did you feel over time that things moved too fast for you- which made you question everything?

    5) How long in did you start second guessing the new relationship?

    5) Did you end it or them?

    6) Did yo go back to your Ex or consider it?

    Feel free to explain more further your thoughts/feelings on what you experienced or felt during this relationship time.
    I'm just trying to understand what goes on when someone enters into a new relationship, after their Long term relation just ended.

    As for 'dumpers', I understand, some were 'necessary' and some of you still 'felt a lot' as in loss or pain after your break up of LTR?

    TY

  2. #2
    SooSad33
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    5,695
    Thanked
    784
    Did anyone feel like their actual 'feelings' for their new partner were unreal (like love), and that it was actually what you were still feeling for your 'Ex'?
    I've heard of that before. Some guy explained it as he 'hardly knew her' and the 'love' he felt (strong emotions) were what he brought into his new relation- mistakingly and he ended that relationship and went single for a good while, so he could deal with what was actually going on.
    he said it all felt wrong.

  3. #3
    mhowe
    Platinum Member mhowe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Age
    55
    Posts
    42,283
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    7456
    They enjoy the new relationship because they emotionally checked out of the old one.
    They are looking forward ----not backward.

    The best thing to do is stop thinking of your ex's new relationship as a rebound. It may be, or it may end in marriage. Whatever it is, however, has nothing to do with you any more.

    You need to start looking forward, because analyzing his behavior is looking in the past and you cannot change that.

  4. #4
    iam42
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    750
    Thanked
    5
    ^^^^ agreed, 100%

  5. #5
    greta96
    Platinum Member greta96's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    USA
    Age
    38
    Posts
    3,923
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    2155
    I was supposed to be a guy's rebound, he had been dumped after a 7 year relationship, against his will, and had trouble moving on. Then he met me, 3 months after the breakup, and we started going out (I didn't know at the time that I was a rebound, or I wouldn't have gone for it).

    In the beginning, he was talking about his ex a bit too much, which raised the red flags. He had lots of pictures of her in his phone (he showed them to me!), so I knew he still had feelings for her. He kept insisting he was over her, that he wanted to pursue something with me, so against my better judgement I continued dating him. Soon enough I found out he was still keeping in touch with her, so I decided to end things, because nobody likes to be second choice, right? Also, he wasn't my type at all, we had nothing in common and I wasn't that into him anyway, so the next time he told me he had talked to her, I used it as a reason to dump him. All this happened within about 2 months.

    Turns out he had actually developed real feelings for me. He begged me to stay, he admitted I had been a rebound initially, but then he fell in love with me, and realized I was a much better match for him than his ex. He deleted all of her pictures from his phone, he deleted her from his social media, he did everything he should have done at the beginning of our relationship - only too late.

    He had a really tough time letting go of ME, and his ex became history in his mind. He was after me for over a month after I ended it with him, texted me almost daily begging for another chance. He was prepared to do whatever it took if only I came back. To this day, he still tries to change my mind, he shows up in places he knows I go to with different women, to "make me jealous" (LOL!!!), and he seems to have a hard time moving on from me.

    So to answer your question, yes, it is possible for an ex's rebound to turn into the love of his life. He may think about his ex in the beginning, but if the rebound is a better match for him than his ex was, the ex will be soon forgotten.
    He may try to get back with his ex, IF the rebound dumps him (because she didn't want to be a rebound).

  6. #6
    Snny
    Forum Supporter
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    4,980
    Thanked
    756
    1) Is it more common for the dumper or dumpee to run into a new relationship? ("rebound"). (were YOU a dumper or dumpee?)
    It goes either way and I was both.

    2) Can you describe what they are like? Are they good at first? For how long before you noticed changes? Did YOU feel like there was some kind of 'honeymoon stage' at first? For how long.
    Fulfilling at first because I was using a person to help me overcome someone else. Keyword: USING. I dated on and off with different people to rebound.

    3) During your time with the 'new' person, were you often thinking about your Ex? (when.. first thing in the morning? While driving..? or brought on by 'memories'?)
    I was not over my ex until three months into the relationship with guy #2. I did not contact him at all while I was dating other people. I can't really remember when since it was several years ago.

    4) Did you feel over time that things moved too fast for you- which made you question everything?
    I purposely was moving fast just to keep my ex out of my mind. I even date hopped- went from one guy to another. It was fun for awhile. One of the reasons I broke up was so I can date around... but I later discovered I did not get over my ex that way.

    5) How long in did you start second guessing the new relationship?
    Did not apply.

    5) Did you end it or them?
    I ended it with two guys. Not only were they not compatible as I thought they were, but they just did not meet my needs and expectations at a "reasonable time."

    6) Did you go back to your Ex or consider it?
    As a matter of fact I am marrying him. It's funny how things work, but sometimes a break up can be for the best for btter changes. He got his stuff together in college finally and we rekindled after a year when meeting back up at a mutual friend's party. At the time I wasn't considering it until a few weeks after the party. I have no shame. :P
    Last edited by Snny; 08-16-2013 at 10:54 AM.

  7. #7
    SooSad33
    Platinum Member SooSad33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    5,695
    Thanked
    784
    I see, interesting, okay thanks ..

  8.  

Top Threads
My boyfriend is trying to date other woman on online dating site.
I really need help. I am so confused. My boyfriend is on online dating site. He said he wants to date other women. We were on and off relationship
Parent and relationships problems
So clearly i need help sooo i will get right into the story.....sorry its so long I am a 25 year old male who is in a relationship with my 19
My boyfriend has blocked me from contacting him - not heard from him for 3 days
Okay so me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years. We're pretty serious and have spoken about marriage before, as well as moving in
Am I asking for too much in my relationship?
I have been dating a guy for 4 months that is a coworker. He expressed interest in me for a year before but I was devastated over a previous
Boyfriend is a follower!
Last Sunday made 2 yrs of being in a relationship with my boyfriend. There's been so many ups and downs. Last year he wanted me to move in but we had
Venting! Found out he's not sitting home relaxing while we sit here
Some days I just want/should to end this relationship other days I want to have a large heart to heart talk and ultimatum then continues
I really messed up
So I feel like I really screwed up and I'm very upset with myself: I've been spending a ton of time with a guy friend of 10 years I think I'm in

Featured Threads
Parent and relationships problems
So clearly i need help sooo i will get right into the story.....sorry its so long I am a 25 year old male who is in a relationship with my 19
My boyfriend is trying to date other woman on online dating site.
I really need help. I am so confused. My boyfriend is on online dating site. He said he wants to date other women. We were on and off relationship
My wife left me without having even a talk
Hi everybody, I wonder if this is normal just to leave a marriage of 7 years without having a proper talk before moving on? It happened to me that
Confused about FWB
Last weekend my FWB and I made plans to meet up. He drove down from his place to go to a party with friends, afterwards he was coming to spend the
Everything is just JUMBLED
I have an extremely, EXTREMELY screwed up life. At least from my point of view it is. At least I think I'm the only one that knows my own
Getting over someone to be with them again later?
Long story short, my ex broke up with me after 4 years because he said he was immature and needed to grow up without me and part of that was meeting
Need Advice - it's urgent for me
Hello Everyone, I meesed up my life and I take full responsibilty. I ned advice and what to do to remedy the situation immediately and prevent it
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •