Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Still so angry at my ex after 3 months

  1. #1
    kaitlin87

    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    3

    Still so angry at my ex after 3 months

    I had to write somewhere about my feelings. My ex broke up with me 3 months ago. We were together for 18 months. Even though I had talked about our relationship not going well, it came out of the blue. I was devastated, begged him back. I have realized all the mistakes I have made (I had a really stressful spring). I feel so lonely, sad, my dreams are broken. Still, I have become more grateful of everything I have. I've become *me* again. But again, I don't see any point in anything.

    Last night I saw a dream, I had a baby with my ex, I felt happy. When I woke up, I felt angry, devastated. I have wished that we could get back together. He doesn't want to. There has been NC for 2 months now. He doesn't contact me. He wanted us to best friends, I told him I couldn't because of my feelings. I am afraid that we has forgotten me, doesn't think about me while I'm still heartbroken.

    Maybe this was a lesson to me. Maybe I needed to learn to be more grateful again.

    How do I get over him?

  2. #2
    Red Tie
    Silver Member Red Tie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    In a peaceful place.
    Posts
    305
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to know youre going through these rough times kaitlin87.

    You are suffering the after effects of your dream. You just had a "fix" of relationship through that dream. That feeling will fade...

    All I cant say to you is to look at your situation right now. Getting back together is not an option since he has moved on. If that is clear, then its your turn to move on.
    You have been doing NC and that is good. Nice going! Now, give it more time. Keep yourself busy with something. Hang with friends and meet new people. Dont let life pass you by!

    Hang in there! You will get through this, just give yourself more time.

  3. #3
    Kendahke
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Mid Atlantic region of US
    Age
    57
    Posts
    3,525
    Gender
    Female
    I was just listening to an audiobook this morning on my way to work of a book by Harriet Lerner called "On Intimacy". I'm sure you can find it on iTunes. She spoke about this very thing around about an hour into the recording. You might want to pick up this audio recording, along with her books "The Dance of Anger" and "The Dance of Intimacy". She is very, very good.

    In a nutshell, she says that the way you move on is to shift your focus off of him and shift it back on to you--she goes into way more detail than I can remember at the moment.

  4. #4
    charity
    Platinum Member charity's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    2,689
    Gender
    Female
    so its been 12 weeks. you didnt want the break up. you loved him.
    why dont you give yourself a break. give yourself time. it will pass in time, believe me.
    those dreams are the worst. you feel so back there and it can effect you for days. and that too will pass.

  5. #5
    Blue68
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    8,752
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by kaitlin87 [Register to see the link]
    I have wished that we could get back together. He doesn't want to. There has been NC for 2 months now. He doesn't contact me. He wanted us to best friends, I told him I couldn't because of my feelings. I am afraid that we has forgotten me, doesn't think about me while I'm still heartbroken.

    Maybe this was a lesson to me. Maybe I needed to learn to be more grateful again.

    How do I get over him?
    You have patience, that's how you get over someone.

    Three months isn't much time at all so these emotions are to be expected.

    It is impossible to be friends with someone you are still in love with so you did the right thing by telling him you couldn't be friends. He isn't going to forget that the 18 months he had with with you existed so you have no need to worry about him forgetting about YOU. However if he continues to move on then it really does mean that things are over and it wouldn't have made any difference if you had stayed in touch with him. The only difference with remaining friends is that you would actually see him moving on ... and who wants to do that? Not to mention that you would have certain expectations as a "friend" (as we often see here on eNA) and if they aren't met then the pain and confusion continues. The contact you would have would also undoubtedly feed you with hope and you will be left hanging onto something, hoping for more and not allowing yourself to move on with your life.

    Making the decision to have no contact is the easy part. Sticking with it is a whole lot tougher .... but if you really want to help yourself, no matter what the outcome, sticking with it is the best option.
    Last edited by Blue68; 07-31-2013 at 01:05 PM.

  6. #6
    kaitlin87

    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    3
    Thanks for all of your responses yes, it is sure that I will get over him eventually. The time before it just sucks I do have my good moments, but then there are the bad ones...

    I'm a bit embarrassed to tell you all, but I'm still hoping that he comes back and realizes the mistake he made by letting me go. I know, it is pathetic and unrealistic, but it is a thought that has given me energy to go on and continue living a bit happier life.

    Now, the real struggle begins. I need to convince myself that he isn't coming back. Do you have any tips on how doing it?

  7. #7
    Blue68
    Platinum Member Blue68's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    8,752
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by kaitlin87 [Register to see the link]
    I'm a bit embarrassed to tell you all, but I'm still hoping that he comes back and realizes the mistake he made by letting me go. I know, it is pathetic and unrealistic, but it is a thought that has given me energy to go on and continue living a bit happier life.

    Now, the real struggle begins. I need to convince myself that he isn't coming back. Do you have any tips on how doing it?
    It isn't pathetic, it is perfectly normal. After 5 months I still have a little bit of hope too, though I am also very much focused on a life without him. Someone once told me, on eNA, that there was nothing wrong with having a little bit of hope whilst moving on at the same time .... and I truly believe that to be true. Hope has its reasons for being necessary too. It gives us something to carry on for .... but as the days, weeks and months go by we start letting go of that hope little by little until it is no longer necessary.

    It is hard to convince yourself of anything when you are hoping for something else but, like everything else, it is something you learn to do gradually. As you start moving forwards and the hope starts fading, your focus will be different. All you can do is have faith that you will be happy again one day, whatever the outcome, and until that time just try to focus on getting through each day in the best way possible (ie. doing as much as you can to fill your time). When you're busy it does certainly give yo less time to think.

  8.  

Top Threads
Open to dating
So my ex has said she is open to dating (weve been split up for almost a year). But.. its very lukewarm. She has some personal issues that make
Is This Emotional Abuse?
My ex finally told me why he broke up with me. Long story short, he was very hurt and resentful of the fact that I didn't do some things he wanted me
Should I give my ex-girlfriend's nephew an Xmas present???
So my ex girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me 2 months ago as she 'lost the spark''... I pleaded with her at first, which resulted in getting me
Breaking up after 8 months
We were together 8 months, not that long but formed a lot of memories. We had a small fight this morning that exploded into him breaking up with me
Weve dated now he wants to be friends
Hi everybody. Im here because i need some insight from people who are not my friends and family and can be completely honest with me. So Ive
Ex is being so angry and hateful
I was in kind of relationship for almost 6-7 months but unexpectedly we broke up. He dumped. Just on a fight. Just day after our breakup. I went back
Girlfriend of one year says she needs space
Hello all, I need some advice as I truly am feeling down in the dumps.. The back story is a little complains long so forgive me in advance. So I

Featured Threads
Red Flag if the guy on first date does not pay for my food?
A guys asked me out to a dinner and picked the restaurant. Toward the end, when the waiter came to drop off the bill, the waiter leaned toward the
narcissistic ex - help/ how to get back at him
So this is a post about a narcisisstic, immature ex. Not an ex boyfriend, not an ex boy, but something in between. It was something in between
University freshers fling?
[B]Hey there! [/B] Thank you so much for reading this. I just [I]REALLY [/I]need advice as it's SERIOUSLY affecting MY LIFE
Should you call out your ex when you find out they've been cheating on you?
Just some thoughts guys. Have you been cheated on? What did you do? Did you call your ex out on the lies and deceit? Or go on with your lives?
Ex is being so angry and hateful
I was in kind of relationship for almost 6-7 months but unexpectedly we broke up. He dumped. Just on a fight. Just day after our breakup. I went back
How to avoid checking up on ex social media?
Hi friends, Im finding that posting here and seeing so many of us in the same boat is proving rather helpful in my own journey to move on. That
Break-up
Hi, I've recently just been broken up with by my girlfriend of two years, she has stated it wasn't all my fault and she is part to blame, but would
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •