Doesnt want to make it official

Few days ago i got into what i thought was a relationship with a woman(48) who's twice my age. I wasnt dating her and we kept meeting eachother for reasons that i cant mention here. All this time she kept pursuing me with subtle hints and i loved the attention she was giving me, specially because of the break up that i experienced 4 months ago. And 2 days ago, during one of these meetings we ended up having sex. Although it was like a fantasy being fulfilled for me, immediately after the sex i started feeling an immense guilt and disgust about myself because of certain reasons.

Since we didnt have any sort of relationship status attached to us i asked her what it was going to be. I honestly wanted to be in a relationship with her but her reply was that right now there is no label because we're not official yet. And that we'll soon be. She's a married woman who's staying in a failed marriage because of her kids. She has no feelings for her husbands but what im worried about is that this co worker she keeps talking to all the time on her phone who's same as her age. And i feel like she's using me as a f caseworker until she gets the divorce and move on to this other guy she knows. So i find it hard to trust her

She has more power in every aspect of the relationship and im scared to question her about this more. Im having terrible panick attacks right now and i feel like i got into a lot of trouble.

She has a label. She's married. You will never be "official" with her because she is already "official" with someone else.

She's cheating on her husband with you. You've only got her side of the story as to what's going on with her marriage and unless she's willing to take you home and introduce you to the hubby, don't believe any of this "staying together for the kids" jazz. She lies to him, you'd better believe she's lying to you too.

Do yourself a favor and extricate from this mess before you get in any deeper.

^^^^ exactly what Kaylee said!

For the love of God man... Think with your *other* head.... Ditto what others have said.

She has a label. She's married. You will never be "official" with her because she is already "official" with someone else.

 

She's cheating on her husband with you. You've only got her side of the story as to what's going on with her marriage and unless she's willing to take you home and introduce you to the hubby, don't believe any of this "staying together for the kids" jazz. She lies to him, you'd better believe she's lying to you too.

 

Do yourself a favor and extricate from this mess before you get in any deeper.

I've been to her home and introduced to her husband, thats how i know its true.

And she specifically said that she wants to keep seeing me until she makes it official. A part of me wants to trust her because i know for a fact that when she makes it official she's going to receive a lot of criticism from her family and her extended family over her decision. So i wouldnt blame her for being reluctant. Should i ask her if she's having an affair with her coworker?

For the love of God man... Think with your *other* head.... Ditto what others have said.

Its not just the sex, i really do like this woman.

Its not just the sex, i really do like this woman.

Who the heck knows what her real situation is at home. Sounds like she's possibly getting the attention that she desires that she's possibly not getting at home. Also sounds like she's enjoying the attention of multiple men. Fact is that she is a married woman. You want to step up to the plate and be a man, then you force her hand. Tell her we are done until you get divorced, then have absolutely no contact with her. Then you should really step back during that time and take a 50,000 foot view of the situation.

I've been to her home and introduced to her husband, thats how i know its true.

So she took you home and introduced you to her husband and kids as her boyfriend/girlfriend that's half her age?

So she took you home and introduced you to her husband and kids as her boyfriend/girlfriend that's half her age?

No she didnt take me home. How i was introduced to her family is something i dont want to talk about because i dont want to make this too specific and have someone figure out who i am. I was introduced to her and her family by someone else. And lets say we stayed friends for a couple of years. All this happened during the last month and it was unexpected on my part.

No she didnt take me home. How i was introduced to her family is something i dont want to talk about because i dont want to make this too specific and have someone figure out who i am. I was introduced to her and her family by someone else. And lets say we stayed friends for a couple of years. All this happened during the last month and it was unexpected on my part.

But you do see my point don't you? She's not about to tell her family about this and make you an official anything.

i find it hard to trust her

You know she's lying to her husband and deceiving him. You also suspect she's lying to you and deceiving you, which she is. Any wonder you find it hard to trust her?

Although it was like a fantasy being fulfilled for me, immediately after the sex i started feeling an immense guilt and disgust about myself because of certain reasons.

She has more power in every aspect of the relationship and im scared to question her about this more. Im having terrible panick attacks right now and i feel like i got into a lot of trouble.

She's a married woman sleeping with someone else. You know this is wrong and you also know you were a party to it. Are you really surprised you feel so badly right afterwards and this is eating at you?

Seriously, extricate from this mess before you get in any deeper. A one off thing is going to be bad enough for you to deal with. Keep messing about with her and you'll really dig a huge hole for yourself. She's enjoying the attentions of a much younger person and getting her does of ego boost. What you're getting is a life-wrecking situation.

And she specifically said that she wants to keep seeing me until she makes it official. A part of me wants to trust her because i know for a fact that when she makes it official she's going to receive a lot of criticism from her family and her extended family over her decision. So i wouldnt blame her for being reluctant. Should i ask her if she's having an affair with her coworker?

She's never going to tell her family, so don't worry about her getting any criticism.

You know she's lying to her husband and deceiving him. You also suspect she's lying to you and deceiving you, which she is. Any wonder you find it hard to trust her?

He doesnt care. They dont talk to each other about their personal lives at all. But i see your point.

Seriously, extricate from this mess before you get in any deeper. A one off thing is going to be bad enough for you to deal with. Keep messing about with her and you'll really dig a huge hole for yourself. She's enjoying the attentions of a much younger person and getting her does of ego boost. What you're getting is a life-wrecking situation.

What do you think is the best decision i can make? This decision should include me being with her because she's great. I went in believing i could get out if i wanted to but after we did it i want more than im getting now.

She basically offered sex. That is all that is on the table.

She basically offered sex. That is all that is on the table.

But she says she keeps wanting to see me. And she was the one pursuing me, its not like i chased after her and she offered me sex.

She does keep wanting to see you. To have sex. Which is why she pursued you.

She does not want a relationship.

If that is what you want, find a single woman.

She does keep wanting to see you. To have sex. Which is why she pursued you.

She does not want a relationship.

 

If that is what you want, find a single woman.

Thanks .Im going to call her in a few minutes. I dont want to be anyone's f buddy.

Ok i just got off the phone with her. She was laughing when i brought this up and told me im being such a baby and that i have to trust her. Said that she wasnt surprised because she knew with my age i wouldnt be able to understand something like that. She said she wants 3 months. And told me not to worry and she wants to be with me as much as i do and just be patient.

You are supposed to trust a woman who is cheating on her husband?

There's some logic for you.

What does she need 3 months for, to decide if Tom is better suited for her than you?

Let me ask you hypothetically speaking of course, if you were to have a labeled relationship with you....what makes you think she wouldn't cheat on you with someone else? If she's cheat with you, she'll cheat on you.

What does she need 3 months for, to decide if Tom is better suited for her than you?

 

Let me ask you hypothetically speaking of course, if you were to have a labeled relationship with you....what makes you think she wouldn't cheat on you with someone else? If she's cheat with you, she'll cheat on you.

I didnt ask her about the other person. She says she wants 3 months to let people realize slowly and that would be better than just telling them.

I didnt ask her about the other person. She says she wants 3 months to let people realize slowly and that would be better than just telling them.

Noooooo. It FAR worse to let people "figure things out" then be honest and just tell them. This women is immature and selfish. She offers you sex, is probably attractive, and is emotionally manipulative (laughing at you and subtly insulting you when you raise very valid concerns).

If she did start dating you i.e: going out in public, not hiding, everyone knows about it, etc what happens when you start not being able to fulfill her? Because that will happen in a relationship. Let me tell, she will stay with you, find a new guy on the side to bang, and then ask him for a few months so people can "slowly figure it out." This is your future based on her past behavior.

Noooooo. It FAR worse to let people "figure things out" then be honest and just tell them. This women is immature and selfish. She offers you sex, is probably attractive, and is emotionally manipulative (laughing at you and subtly insulting you when you raise very valid concerns).

 

If she did start dating you i.e: going out in public, not hiding, everyone knows about it, etc what happens when you start not being able to fulfill her? Because that will happen in a relationship. Let me tell, she will stay with you, find a new guy on the side to bang, and then ask him for a few months so people can "slowly figure it out." This is your future based on her past behavior.

Well she's highly successful in her life and extremely intelligent not immature, and yes she's very attractive and thats why i just cant let go of her i just want to have her.

Im already not able to fulfill most of her needs, she makes 10x of what i make monthly. And she still chose to be with me and i think i should respect her for that.

To be honest i did feel insulted, but before she said all that she said that it was really cute that i was feeling and acting this way. And that it shows that i care. You're right about the possibility of her doing the same thing to me. But some of the things that she does makes me feel like she wants more than just sex. Like during last week she went shopping and MMSed me the clothes that she was going to buy and asked me if i think she will look beautiful in them.

See, you will continue to make excuses for her behavior because you are so head over heels for her. It doesn't matter how successful someone is, they can still be immature in other areas of their live. In this case is is very immature and selfish in her personal life.

Let me make my opinion very clear: You are her boy-toy. A hot young thing who makes her feel wild and young. Easily manipulated with charm and subtle insults. She can keep string your along and getting all she wants knowing that any time you protest she can flutter her eye-lashes and you will come running back.