"Extinguishing the fire"?

I'm finally getting back to a good place with a girl I had very strong feelings for in the past, and I'm happy about that. I really enjoy her company, and I've never "clicked" with anyone the way I "click" with her. Still, our friendship has been very strained for the last 8-ish months, because she didn't reciprocate the feelings I had for her, I took it badly and acted weird, and it didn't help that she started dating this one guy that didn't like me.

Recently, they broke up, and ever since then, it's been like night and day; things have stopped feeling so "weird" between us, and we're finally starting to get back to talking and sharing a laugh the way we always used to before any of this stuff.

The problem is, old feelings never seem to go away completely. I don't know that I'd call it "love", but I sure as heck know that I never felt more attracted to anyone in my life. It's not so much that I WANT to pursue her again, but there's this little voice in the back of my head that keeps saying "You can win her over! You can do it! All you have to do is say/ do the right thing, and she'll eventually come around!". Basically, there's a small part of me that's trying to convince myself that I can win her over yet.

Now, the rational person in me knows that's silly and not at all likely to happen. But that little voice just won't stop making noise. In a way, it's giving me a false sense of bravado, and I'm just worried that it's going to eventually cause me to say or do something stupid that will once again push this girl away. I guess I'm just wondering if I can shut this little "voice" up once and for all?

The short answer is "yes" you can shut up the voice but only if you do so decisively.

In other words, its all or nothing. I've known m/f friends who've prevailed as a couple and who failed as friends because one came on way too strong and myself, I've been in the situation, ALWAYS as the person wtih the feelings that aren't reciprocated. In one scenario, I was willing to "put out the fire" as you phrase it, and while I'm still friends with that person to the day, there will be moments I consider your "little voice" but only in moments of weakness. Only if I've been single for a long time, and I'm close with this particular friends but in general, I'm able to carry on with her (it helps that shes usually taken) and we're fine. I think the reason why a "plan" for me to win her over wouldn't work is because I'm "wishy washy" on wanting her, which is why I say "all or nothing".

If you should decide to purse the "win her back" route, there may be no going back, which is what I did with the other girl... although I should mention this girl was my ex (its complicated) and I literally refused to be her friend. I went through a plan similar to what you mentioned and at the end, realized it wasn't good enough, so we're no longer in contact. It is what it is, but simply put, if you do put out the fire, make sure its out for good, because you don't want to be waffling back and forth, sometimes being her sincere friend and other times trying to flirt or push the issue because it will send her mixed messages and make things infinitely more complicated between the two of you.

But honestly and truly, yes, you can shut off the voice. Just commit to it. I wish you luck

It gets particularly rough for me, too, because often times when she and I are talking, she'll say or do something that reminds me why I fell for her in the first place, so I have to really struggle with myself to stop "catching" those things.

The other day, we were talking, and she said something that really made me realize something about her. Not to sound mean, but I believe she has some slight "daddy issues". Of the two guys I know she's dated, I found her taste in men very questionable, and considering how both of those relationships ended, it correlates a lot to the little she's told me about her family life. As someone who has plenty of "issues", myself, it's such a shame that she has these issues of her own. I've always been confident that she and I would be a good fit together, and I know I'd treat her well, and I think she knows I would, too, but her issues seem to drive her to be more attracted to guys that mistreat her. It really sucks to care about this girl so much, while she continuously gives in to her "daddy issues", and I can't do a thing about it.

The sad thing is, I could probably relate to her family issues. I almost wish I could tell her about why my family life is like, because I'd wager a bet she and I have a lot in common in that regard, too (except for me, it's my mom, not my dad), but I don't foresee us ever having that moment together.