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how to get bull headed men to submit


Lilliene

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What is the best way to get a bullheaded, man to atleast listen to your point of view. My bf is the most unreasonable man in the world. Instead of confronting issues he runs away from them disappears for weeks. Hoping that I would chase him n beg him to return. Which I have done in the past. This time again he said he couldn't do a thing for me. When I tried to talk he chose to run again. I haven't chased him yet. Its been 12 days. Im tired, emotionally wrecked and alone. What can u do to such men to bring them to their senses. The most we broke off for was two months after which he ensured he rode the same flight with me to uk and ultimately I spoke with him. Im tired of his bull headedness n tired of pampering his ego. Pl tell me how do u handle such people n what do u do. Ladies ever dealt with such men? Gentlemen what s the psyche of such men? Pl share.

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I agree with Shelly, although I know it's nice to think we can influence or change people it's just not possible . . . he's going to continue to be completely disrespectful of your emotions until he figures it out on his own. People choose to change; we don't choose it for them. The only way to deal with people like him is to do what you are tired of doing: tiptoe around their egos, chase them, and ultimately disregard your own feelings. Because whatever you had an issue with, or whatever message you wanted him to receive, got lost completely in the whirlwind of the sideshow that he created, didn't it?

 

I'm sorry, Lilliene, I know it's tough but it sounds to me like it's best if you just let this one go.

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Well.. I was a runner before my last relationship. You cant put it in any nice way so here it is - men run off for recognition, adventure and certainly cause the ego. It made me feel strong when i pulled that trick, like i was in command, still finding myself sobbing with liquor in some ladyfriend house. I would run from understanding and compromises, it was like my process of thought got overheated and 1000 feelings sat on my head. When nobody came looking i stayed drifting around drunk sad but careless till i reached the point i ran off from, just to realize that everything have changed but me.

 

During that i had relationships with some women - relationships which repeated the cycle... Its like a tornado really. Tornado of selfishness, pain and bitter.

 

Last time i ran off it was AFTER an breakup, feeling all happy excited n , now im in middle of that circle again feeling lonely and depressed everyday.

 

Stay positive.

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This is passive aggressive behavior. He does it because he is unable/unwilling to confront issues and deal with emotions. I know this well. My ex said he was "waiting for me to show up and demand he return" ....??? Really? This is immature and not a very healthy way to live life. You cannot deal with that because it's hurtful and frustrating. Life every day will not be all roses and rainbows. There WILL be stresses. This is a fact. You can't change the world to suit him and you cant control the relationship to suit him. Your choices are to either put up with this running off periodically and the accompanying feelings of rejection and confusion, or remove yourself from the situation. You won't change it and you cant control it. Your call.

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Instead of confronting issues he runs away from them disappears for weeks. Hoping that I would chase him n beg him to return. Which I have done in the past.

 

You ignore him and treat him like he never existed. When people ask where he is shrug and say, "I have no idea." Go on about your life and go out and have fun, see friends, enjoy things, have a fabulous time. Even if you don't feel like it act like it since it'll likely get back to him sooner or later that someone saw you out laughing with friends. When he pops back up you act as if nothing has changed--i.e. he's never been gone. Talk about all the fab things you've done, the great people you've seen.Then sit him down to talk about the issue that caused him to run. When he gets up to run again sigh loudly and say, "Oh well, while you're gone I can have more fun." Then walk away and ignore him until he says he's willing to talk about it. Repeat until he either gets the idea loud and clear that you won't play his little game anymore or you get the idea that maybe you should have shown this man-child to the door a long time ago.

 

Personally though I'd just advocate the second action. Grown people who act like two-year-old children don't make desirble partners. Nonetheless you need to stop playing his game and start living a happy life in spite of whatever he does. I'm serious about the going out and enjoying the hell out of your life BTW. You should do that no matter what drama is going on.

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Parispaulette. I intend to do the same and i ve also started spreading tge word that im content n happy even though im sad n lonely. a pathetic game I agree. This man child has caused me so much pain I ve cried almost everyday. But im not sure if he pops back n I get the chance yo speak with him.

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fearlessgirl for me its two months after which he made sure he rode the same flight with me to London. But then he was doing good financially n in his career. Now its the opposite. , he s going down. Let's hope they pop back if not to reunite but at least to realize they failed this round.

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Malkhos so what did u do when no one came looking. ? Didnt u want to go back?the thing is I fed his ego everytime. I went back. I dont know if he still expects it.

 

I continued to fight it, didnt give up or reach back... i suppose givin up early wouldve fixed things, and i wanted back, but i was so hardheaded back then. I hate to say but its time to let him decide. Id grant this type of behavior for everyone atleast once, but in the long run its truly unforgivable and cowardly ritual..

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Interesting choice of words in the title of your thread!

 

To submit. How to get him to submit.

 

So it's a fight. A constant fight with you seeking to dominate him.

 

That tactic doesn't work. He's hardheaded - his strength is in determination. He'll outlast you every time.

 

You don't submit a guy like that. You knock him the hell out. lol. Or you decide not to fight any more.

 

And what are you fighting for at this point now?! A sandwich.

 

I would walk away from this fight!

 

Maybe time, where you don't want someone to fight with but someone to have a loving relationship with? Who you can talk to?

 

There are enough who will want to fight you in this life. Having to fight for somebody's love and attention though is a fight you just can never win. You shouldn't have to fight for that.

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Why waste your time on him when there are tons of good men out there looking for a good woman?

 

RedDress yes I cannot communicate at all. Even when I try he thinks he s always right n calls me a liar again n again.

 

Why would you even want to be with this?

 

YOU are Worth more than this! You are!!

 

Let the bonehead be a bonehead...a good man will not treat you like this. A good man WANTS to hear what you have to say, and a good man will do ANYTHING to avoid calling you a liar...until you lie, and then they'll call you on it! But that's different than just doing it to get a rise out of you!

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It's so ridiculous how we can get so out of sync with ourselves and tolerate such things. I know, I have just recently stopped doing the same! I'm amazed at my own stupidity and my friends have all said recently "We will from this point on pretend this NEVER HAPPENED and it shall never be spoken of again". Hence, I came here LOL.

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Itsallgrand. Im not fighting, its just that I ve loved him so much in the past n maybe so has he. But this behavior of late has turned into a painful experience. I always submitted to his ego bcoz I wanted to save the relationship. I want to try the opposite n if he truly wishes to leave, well no one's stopping him.

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Lonewing. I was worth a lot more but I was lonely n on the rebound from another relationship. This man was chasing me around since a long time so I just fell into the trap. Im lonely again n he s sure I cant leave him. But this time its either my way or the highway. I feel weak with every passing day.

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