It seems 99% of relationships fail.

Call me a Debbie Downer or what you will, however I recently have been thinking about how most of romantic relationships never last. This just saddens me so much. I feel like, what is the point?

The VERY few couples I personally know of that have stayed together 10 years+, there has been lots of cheating and/or they barley talk or even sleep in the same bed anymore. -So to me, even if they are still together I consider this a failure as well.

I really can't think of one couple I know that has been together for a very long time, that seems truly happy. Is it boredom? Spending all of your time with the same person? The need for variety? Kids getting in the way? I've currently been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I love him, and I would love to spend my life with him.. it's just that..well realistically I'm sure for whatever reason we will end up breaking up just like the rest.

I'd like to hear more stories though. Good and bad. Tell me about your parents or grandparents that have been together for 30+ years that are happy in love. I'd love to be proven wrong. I know true love does exist... I just think it's soooo rare.

So please share your stories

Yes, 99% of relationships fail. The 1 percent are the ones that work and you stay in.

My parents. 40+ years together. Still in love. It is rare but it exists.

That is why its called "the one"....its the one you work on, stick out, ride through good times and bad, etc.

Also it depends on how you frame "success" and "failure".....I've had good relationships (that didn't work out) that were anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. I wouldn't say they were "failures"...I enjoyed them at the time and learned what I needed to at the time. So, I don't see it as failing so much as growing/readying myself for 'the one' that will last.

I would not say 99% fail. My in-laws will be married for 55 years this month. My grandparents were married for 63 years. I've been married for 19 years and with my husband for 25 years. I would say we are pretty happy. My in-laws are overall pretty happy. And I know my grandmother adored my grandfather. Their marriage ended only because she passed away. My other grandparents were married for 35 years and it only ended when he passed away. My good friend her marriage only ended after 35 years because her husband passed away. There are lots of marriages that stand the test of time.

I don't think that 99%. A lot depends on partners caring for each other even when things go horribly. If one partner is willing to run away when things get tough, then yes, the relationship is doomed. It takes two to make a relationship work. 50 - 50.

I think that relationships fail because the two involved are incompatible. They've got different values, different views that do not coexists peacefully with one another.

Sometimes, when the rush of a new relationship is in full bloom, it may seem like that person is the best thing that ever happened to you, but what is going on is that each of you is meeting the other's "representative": the one sent out to put the best face forward, to make the good impression, to "close the deal". Once familiarity has set in, the representative is sent away and the real "them/you" comes out and THAT is the aspect with whom you have the relationship, not the representative. It's when the idiocyncrasies start coming to the fore; when it seems like they're cooling down when all that's happening is the life they were leading and putting on hold while the representative was doing their job begins demanding their time again and the juggling begins in earnest. It's at this point where the compatibility issues spring forth.

Complicating the matter is if the two of you were having amazing sex up to this point... amazing sex can spackle over a lot of incompatibility--it can make you live for those fleeting O's; it can make you overlook a whole lot of mess and foolishness because, as the old folks used to say, "your nose is wide open".

One thing is for certain: not every relationship is meant to last forever. Some are just lessons for you to learn so you can advance to the next level of your development. If you never learn the lesson, you're doomed to repeat it with the same character in a different body until you do learn it.

It's when you keep your expectations in line, you pay attention to the compatibility and stop forcing a fit when the fit is painful that you begin to understand what it is that you need for a successful relationship. You also have to like your own company and not have a problem being alone for a stretch of time until you do meet someone who aligns with your values, views and compatibility. Many, many people do not like their own company and would rather be with anyone rather than be by themselves, which is really, really sad.

Great post from Kandahke. And yeah, it is pretty depressing how many relationships fail. But a lot of that's to do with people having unrealistic expectations and throwing in the towel too easily.

Recently, whenever I've met someone that's in a relationship that's lasted longer than my longest relationship (10 years) I've been asking them what the secret is. And you know what they all said the secret is?

"I just decided to stay with them, rather than leave them"

That's it! They all said they had their moments (or, in some cases, years) where they just wanted to jump ship and never look back, but they chose not to leave and instead chose to stick through the rough times.

And all of them said that eventually things got better, the rough times passed and they're really happy now. That's where many of us fail. We hit rough waters, we try to fix things, and when it doesn't work, we bail.

Sure it's not the fairy tale romance most us hope for, but it's still kinda interesting.

But yeah, I don't know many happy couples either. And the only two that I do know have only been together for about three years, so we'll see how things go for them

This puts a lot of the feelings I have at the moment into perspective. If they're willing to walk away from the problems so easily, then they are not worth the pain and suffering they're putting you through.

The quote I got when things were heading south was, "Relationships shouldn't be this hard, they just work out." Mind you this is a LDR I was in, so yes, relationships take a lot of work. But if the other party is not truly invested in it, it surely makes for a one sided relationship. It becomes emotionally and mentally draining to the party putting out the effort. We were so close to getting to be together and I had very high expectations of things "working out" when she got here. But in the end, she couldn't pull through it and found it easier to walk away even though she said she tried her best.

Queue: Nazareth "Love Hurts" lol

As Doc Brown says in Back to the Future, you aren't thinking fourth-dimensionally. The question isn't "How many relationships are failing right now?", it's "How many have failed altogether?" If you're single, it means that every relationship you've ever been in has failed. If you're taken/married, it means that every relationship but that one has failed. So I think that 99% is about the right number.

however I recently have been thinking about how most of romantic relationships never last. This just saddens me so much. I feel like, what is the point?

Incompatibility has a lot to do with it. Also, lack of effort of another consideration. Sadly it's common for many people tend to take others for granted. As one member here mentioned, we begin to form unrealistic expectations for people who cannot meet them. Unfortunately, we live in a "Now" or an "Instant" society where effort is not managed except for the beginning or the relationship.

The VERY few couples I personally know of that have stayed together 10 years+, there has been lots of cheating and/or they barley talk or even sleep in the same bed anymore.

I am coming up on my 10th YEAR of dating. I do admit to getting in an emotional affair when my fiance was not giving me enough affection/attention for a month (a high relationship need for women), but I discontinued my interaction with that person once I realized it and came clean by openly discussing my mistake with my fiance. That was several years ago and we had no relationship issues since then. Our relationship is stronger than it was 5 years ago. Communication is vital for a relationship to thrive or it won't survive.

I'd like to hear more stories though. Good and bad. Tell me about your parents or grandparents that have been together for 30+ years that are happy in love.

My parents married at 20 years old and lived with their parents until 30. No career, no college education, student loans were nonexistent, and worked part-time bank teller jobs or volunteer. They are the only people in their circle of friends who married younger AND stayed married. They put in one hell of an effort to keep their marriage going, made some serious career advancement (they are not government workers), own a huge single family home, supported two kids in one of the most expensive areas of the country. My grandparents had the same deal until one of them died. My only surviving grandparent refuses to remarry.

Recently, whenever I've met someone that's in a relationship that's lasted longer than my longest relationship (10 years) I've been asking them what the secret is. And you know what they all said the secret is?

 

"I just decided to stay with them, rather than leave them"

My family's secret: Our own faith has helped us through the roughest times. Not just faith in God, but faith in each other. It is so easy to get up and walk away from anything, but it takes willpower and courage to continue with a commitment. Those are my values I live by day-to-day.

I know lots of happy marriages. My favourite is the one between my favourite aunty and uncle. 37 years and still going strong and they just adore one another. I also have a twin whose been with her hubby since we were 17 and we're 32 now so that's a good 15 years. They'll be together for the rest of their lives. As a statistic about 50% of marriages fail and I'd guess that between 65-75% of non-marital relationships fail too. There are many pressures on a relationship nowadays and I attest that to us making wrong choices as opposed to anything else. I guess one way the odds could improve is if we made wiser choices over whom we chose to partner up with.

Me and my bf are together for over 7 years, my sister and her husband are together for 12 years, my parents are together for 37 years, my grandparents are together for over 60 years, my first cousin and her husband are together for over 15 years.

My friends joke that there's a "successful relationship" gene running through my family.

I think people are becoming very self-centred and just think "me me me". Moral values aren't as appreciated as they were before in time of our parents/grandparents.

Also there are bunch of studies that say that Hollywood has created that screwed up picture of what good relationship is, and people are forgetting that it's just fantasy nor reality.

But I think that main reason relationships fail is coz people aren't getting "educated" in that filed. We go through colleges to learn how to do certain things, we read bunch of books about pregnancy when we are with child etc. But very few of us educate themselves about romantic relationships, we tend to solve all of our problems with our "gut" or "instincts", forgetting the fact that those are often clouded with our feelings.

I have many examples!

My deceased grandparents were married 62 years and were very much in love right until the very end. My grandad treated her like a queen and she looked after him when he got dementia.

My live grandparents have been married over 50 years and are also pretty happy. They have had issues in the past but they are great and still in love, but it is more like a 'friendly' kind of love now.

My parents have been married 25 years. They are literally like teenagers. I'm very close to my mum and know that they have never been unfaithful and they still are very romantic to eachother.

My aunt has been married over 20 years and her and her husband are blissfully happy.

My boyfriends parents have been married over 25 years and again, they may not show it openley but you can see a deep love and respect there.

Love does last. It changed and grows and evolves throughout a relationship, and of course there will be many ups and downs...but some make it.

My grandparents were married for 70 (!!) years. I don't know if I'd used the words "in love" to describe them but they did love each other.

My parents have been married for 25 years and it's been rocky but neither have cheated and their marriage is getting better now that we kids are older.

Honestly, I want to be monogamous but I think it's ait's a little much for me to demand that my partner be "in love" in a very gushy sense with me after 30+ years of marriage. If I get to that point, as long as he is faithful, a good companion, does things with me, loves me, and sleeps with me when we both want it, that's all I can ask for and I'll be content.

I've been in a few LTRs and I'm in my first cohabitating relationship now. The "butterfly" feelings tend to fade within 3-5 months for me but the love is still there. That's all I really care about.

II guess that's just how I was raised. I'm used to seeing people in long lasting relationships that are hanging in there and faithful, but not slobbering over each other.

I agree with Fudgie. The type of love you feel for your partner grows and changes. You have the honeymoon period, the 'lusty love' then you get the true, deep romantic love, then when you have kids together (if you have them) it's an even more different deeper kind of love.

As most people get older they become a lot more like friends, doesn't mean sex goes out the window, just means the 'gushy' love stage is done...but again I cant generalise. Everyone's idea of love and a happy relationship is different.

I think it depends on your definition of successful.

I think the bigger problem lies in people's notion of "Forever in Love".

The truth is that ALL relationships, even the happiest do end at some point.

Every relationship ends at some point because someone leaves or someone dies.

I think that is the one grain of truth that some people never seem willing to admit.

But that doesn't mean that the ride isn't great.

Even if you have a relationship that ends, does that have to diminish the good times that were had? Or the children that you created? Who says people have to "stay together forever" in order for a relationship to have been successful? Or who says that success is determined merely by the length of time couple remain intact? Many people who stay together aren't in love.

And many people who split still love each other but merely have reached a point where they can't live together.

Lucille Ball's famous quote about divorcing Desi Arnaz , " Desi (Desi Arnaz) was the great love of my life. I will miss him until the day I die. But I don't regret divorcing him. I just couldn't take it anymore."

In terms of people staying together and in love, it IS very rare. But I do think it can happen, with the right two people, the right conditions, and if life doesn't get in the way.

The problem is no one can forsee the future, but wouldn't you rather take the chance and see what could be rather than just be afraid of something going wrong?

If you never put yourself out there, you'll never be hurt, but you'll never be loved either.

In terms of people staying together and in love, it IS very rare. But I do think it can happen, with the right two people, the right conditions, and if life doesn't get in the way.

The problem is no one can forsee the future, but wouldn't you rather take the chance and see what could be rather than just be afraid of something going wrong?

 

If you never put yourself out there, you'll never be hurt, but you'll never be loved either.

This hit home. I wish my ex could've taken this chance and realize things are worth working through, than run away at the thought of what was ahead of her and the future.

I have a skewed view. If relationships end, then good. Whatever happens to them at the relationship stage is a good thing in my opinion. I care more about marriages. Relationships can help you determine long-term compatibility so that when you marry hopefully you are wedding the right person for you.