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Thread: It seems 99% of relationships fail.

  1. #1
    MissMaggie
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    It seems 99% of relationships fail.

    Call me a Debbie Downer or what you will, however I recently have been thinking about how most of romantic relationships never last. This just saddens me so much. I feel like, what is the point?

    The VERY few couples I personally know of that have stayed together 10 years+, there has been lots of cheating and/or they barley talk or even sleep in the same bed anymore. -So to me, even if they are still together I consider this a failure as well.

    I really can't think of one couple I know that has been together for a very long time, that seems truly happy. Is it boredom? Spending all of your time with the same person? The need for variety? Kids getting in the way? I've currently been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I love him, and I would love to spend my life with him.. it's just that..well realistically I'm sure for whatever reason we will end up breaking up just like the rest.

    I'd like to hear more stories though. Good and bad. Tell me about your parents or grandparents that have been together for 30+ years that are happy in love. I'd love to be proven wrong. I know true love does exist... I just think it's soooo rare.

    So please share your stories

  2. #2
    Edmund Exley
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    Yes, 99% of relationships fail. The 1 percent are the ones that work and you stay in.

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    Clio
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    My parents. 40+ years together. Still in love. It is rare but it exists.

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    savignon
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    That is why its called "the one"....its the one you work on, stick out, ride through good times and bad, etc.
    Also it depends on how you frame "success" and "failure".....I've had good relationships (that didn't work out) that were anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. I wouldn't say they were "failures"...I enjoyed them at the time and learned what I needed to at the time. So, I don't see it as failing so much as growing/readying myself for 'the one' that will last.

  5. #5
    ~Seraphim ~
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    I would not say 99% fail. My in-laws will be married for 55 years this month. My grandparents were married for 63 years. I've been married for 19 years and with my husband for 25 years. I would say we are pretty happy. My in-laws are overall pretty happy. And I know my grandmother adored my grandfather. Their marriage ended only because she passed away. My other grandparents were married for 35 years and it only ended when he passed away. My good friend her marriage only ended after 35 years because her husband passed away. There are lots of marriages that stand the test of time.

  6. #6
    Alone Now
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    I don't think that 99%. A lot depends on partners caring for each other even when things go horribly. If one partner is willing to run away when things get tough, then yes, the relationship is doomed. It takes two to make a relationship work. 50 - 50.

  7. #7
    Kendahke
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    I think that relationships fail because the two involved are incompatible. They've got different values, different views that do not coexists peacefully with one another.

    Sometimes, when the rush of a new relationship is in full bloom, it may seem like that person is the best thing that ever happened to you, but what is going on is that each of you is meeting the other's "representative": the one sent out to put the best face forward, to make the good impression, to "close the deal". Once familiarity has set in, the representative is sent away and the real "them/you" comes out and THAT is the aspect with whom you have the relationship, not the representative. It's when the idiocyncrasies start coming to the fore; when it seems like they're cooling down when all that's happening is the life they were leading and putting on hold while the representative was doing their job begins demanding their time again and the juggling begins in earnest. It's at this point where the compatibility issues spring forth.

    Complicating the matter is if the two of you were having amazing sex up to this point... amazing sex can spackle over a lot of incompatibility--it can make you live for those fleeting O's; it can make you overlook a whole lot of mess and foolishness because, as the old folks used to say, "your nose is wide open".

    One thing is for certain: not every relationship is meant to last forever. Some are just lessons for you to learn so you can advance to the next level of your development. If you never learn the lesson, you're doomed to repeat it with the same character in a different body until you do learn it.

    It's when you keep your expectations in line, you pay attention to the compatibility and stop forcing a fit when the fit is painful that you begin to understand what it is that you need for a successful relationship. You also have to like your own company and not have a problem being alone for a stretch of time until you do meet someone who aligns with your values, views and compatibility. Many, many people do not like their own company and would rather be with anyone rather than be by themselves, which is really, really sad.

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  9. #8
    allcity
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    Great post from Kandahke. And yeah, it is pretty depressing how many relationships fail. But a lot of that's to do with people having unrealistic expectations and throwing in the towel too easily.

    Recently, whenever I've met someone that's in a relationship that's lasted longer than my longest relationship (10 years) I've been asking them what the secret is. And you know what they all said the secret is?

    "I just decided to stay with them, rather than leave them"

    That's it! They all said they had their moments (or, in some cases, years) where they just wanted to jump ship and never look back, but they chose not to leave and instead chose to stick through the rough times.

    And all of them said that eventually things got better, the rough times passed and they're really happy now. That's where many of us fail. We hit rough waters, we try to fix things, and when it doesn't work, we bail.

    Sure it's not the fairy tale romance most us hope for, but it's still kinda interesting.

    But yeah, I don't know many happy couples either. And the only two that I do know have only been together for about three years, so we'll see how things go for them

  10. #9
    Dat
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    This puts a lot of the feelings I have at the moment into perspective. If they're willing to walk away from the problems so easily, then they are not worth the pain and suffering they're putting you through.

    The quote I got when things were heading south was, "Relationships shouldn't be this hard, they just work out." Mind you this is a LDR I was in, so yes, relationships take a lot of work. But if the other party is not truly invested in it, it surely makes for a one sided relationship. It becomes emotionally and mentally draining to the party putting out the effort. We were so close to getting to be together and I had very high expectations of things "working out" when she got here. But in the end, she couldn't pull through it and found it easier to walk away even though she said she tried her best.

    Queue: Nazareth "Love Hurts" lol

  11. #10
    Blue Spiral
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    As Doc Brown says in Back to the Future, you aren't thinking fourth-dimensionally. The question isn't "How many relationships are failing right now?", it's "How many have failed altogether?" If you're single, it means that every relationship you've ever been in has failed. If you're taken/married, it means that every relationship but that one has failed. So I think that 99% is about the right number.

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