1.5 months of NC after 4 months of beg and plead

After 1.5 months of NC, I start to feel better. I did tons of self reflection and thinking. Start to realize that the true love is not possession. I should let him go if he's unhappy. Even though I think now I totally understand our problem and I am sure if we have 2nd chance, i will know how to listen to him and become less controlling. However, I guess the damage is too much for him. I wanted to let him know that I agree with his decision on divorce. I know he is unhappy and I should not force him to choose to move with me back to my home country and live the life he doesn't want. I could not move back with him as well since my family is here. Therefore, we should divorce. If i love him, i should give him the option to choose instead of forcing him to move. He said I was controlling and I disagreed with it. Now I kind of understand my behavior.

I still love him alot, but I guess the new realization that I figured out in these two months should just keep it to myself. I think the only thing I could give it to him is to keep my silent. I had already express my love and my will. I guess if i keep contacting him will just make him thing I keep pushing us get back together and control the situation.

I love him enough to let him go, even I still secretly hoping we could have 2nd chance. i know the hurt between us is too much that we will never ever able to get back together after the divorce. Every time i thought about that made me upset and never time I thought about we would never talk about make me want to cry. Do anyone at least can have LC with ex after the divorce given there is no kid? I think he might have gf now, but I truly let go of it because I just want him to be happy. Even i am upset about that. I just hope someday we will at least sit down and have a coffee together. Maybe that will only happen in my dream.

Sorry for the long post. Today is suppose to be our 4th anniversary. I guess that's why I am being impulsive. I feel upset when I finally understand how to love unconditionally but it's too late.

You can love someone, but you cannot make them your prisoner. Love is about being together, but still letting the other person being able to do their own thing. Its like a dog on the leash, hold the leash too short, and the dog will suffocate, hold it too loose and the dog will run away, hold it right in the middle, and it'll be alright most of the times.

Its good that you realized the above, he's not your prisoner so you'll have to let him go. I feel sorry for you though *hugs* because i understand that you don't want to let go of what you love. And that's the hard thing. Loving someone or something sometimes means letting them go, because that is the best thing for them. Its hard to come to the acceptance, that you might not be the best thing for them, but blinded by love some people (maybe you have done so too) think that.

Move on and just try to make the best of the situation, that's all you can do.