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Thread: Depression

  1. #1
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    Depression

    Good day, everyone!

    My family has gone into a lot of conflicts like money issues and trust issues. I have been praying that one day our family tree will be healed. Everything is on the way to going better. Although I must admit that there are some of my granny's children have not changed but yet I can see the progress.

    Currently, I am in a state of depression. I believe that I should be happy right now. But it seems that I feel the contrary.

    My aunts and uncles have mistreated me in the past. I cut off communication with them because I believe that I deserve respect even though I am just their niece. Also, I could not feel their sincerity when they came back and attempted to communicate with me and my grandmother. It was really painful inside that instead of that they were asking me "How are you?", they threw questions such as "What's your job?'' , "Where are you working?", " How much is your salary?".
    Out of respect to myself, I never gave information on how much I earn. After 5 years of abandonment, I have taken care of and supported my granny independently. They were not satisfied with asking about my salary as every time we had a video call, they always ask this or find a way for me to tell it. One of my aunts even encouraged me to apply to an international organization since I have already experienced in the corporate world. I have even previously told her that I have ADHD and OCPD. Her concern was that I could have earned more money if I work in an IO just like her. Her mentality on financial success over peace and happiness is still there and she continues inculcating this to my mind.

    Then, I observed that they were very bubbly when speaking with my granny, and when it comes to me, they were always irritated. Same old same old as they treat me like I am still a young kid without realizing that I am already in the 30s and I have gain continued sustaining my independency when they abandoned us.

    Instead of thanking me for taking care of my grandmother, all I receive this kind of treatment. This is the reason why cut off communication with them. I blocked them in my social media and even my granny told me to stop communicating with them. It doesn't matter to her even if she could not speak with them.

    Lately, my uncle and her daughters (my cousins) have called me and told me that they have resolved the issue of dividing the family farm as this was been an issue because some of his siblings wanted to grab the full portion of the land and own them. I heard during the video call when they spoke to my granny that my richest aunt decided to give her part to me. During that time, I did not react. I was far from my granny because, by the time that my uncle called, I had an anxiety attack while working and I was endlessly crying.

    I have been asking myself that I should be happy at this moment. But I still feel the depression...

    Is this normal?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. Your family dynamic sounds stressful. Have you seen a doctor? It won't change your family but it can improve your coping skills.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It sounds like you're saturated with opinions about you. Take your granny's advice and don't talk to these people anymore. Accept the inheritance with some grace, say thank you and just focus on managing your work and your own affairs.

    You started off saying that you hope for your family tree to be healed. No family tree is "healed", just variations of what "healed" looks like as we travel through the years. There's always a mixture of things in there. I think you should speak to a professional about your feelings and emotions if you feel that they are crippling you, you are unable to work, think, feed yourself or go about with simple tasks.

    Do you mind me asking where is your mother and father?

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'd stop dealing with these people except for behaving in a civil way in front of my grandmother.

    You don't owe anyone answers about your private life. If they ask questions, I'd kindly say, "I believe that I've already answered that, and I won't address it with you again." If they offer opinions, just say, 'Thanks, I'll consider that..." and then do whatever you want.

    You get to decide how much time and focus you want to give people in your own head.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear that. Your family dynamic sounds stressful. Have you seen a doctor? It won't change your family but it can improve your coping skills.
    Hi Wiseman,

    I am seeing a psychiatrist and it will be my third session this coming month with her. She is more dealing with my depression first. Then, our next agenda for the next session is my relationship with my granny and re-evaluate my skills to land into the job where I fit.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    It sounds like you're saturated with opinions about you. Take your granny's advice and don't talk to these people anymore. Accept the inheritance with some grace, say thank you and just focus on managing your work and your own affairs.

    You started off saying that you hope for your family tree to be healed. No family tree is "healed", just variations of what "healed" looks like as we travel through the years. There's always a mixture of things in there. I think you should speak to a professional about your feelings and emotions if you feel that they are crippling you, you are unable to work, think, feed yourself or go about with simple tasks.

    Do you mind me asking where is your mother and father?
    Hi Rose Mose,

    Thanks for the advice. I am now seeing a psychiatrist. Luckily I have someone who is there to help me and she even provides a discount on my consultation. She will endorse me to a life coach so that I could know how to handle my difficulties at work. I have already decided to rest for a month. From my experience in the past, it made me more depress being unemployed. So now, I am planning ahead. Finding a job or business home-based since it is dangerous outside my country due to high CoVid cases and perhaps will continue my online course.

    I used to have a clean home. I lost my appetite in maintaining my home orderly and clean due to stress at work and in the family. I even forgot to take care of myself. When I looked at the mirror this morning, I could not recognize myself anymore. After my last day at work, I'll be focusing on these. Each day, I feel gloomy even though the community around me is vibrant. I can feel that my body was really heavy and could not perform even simple tasks. So, little by little I will accomplish these simple goals.

    I guess I have to set aside first my plan of taking my Masters and my career goals at the moment and focus on these current little goals in life.

    With your last question, both my parents are already deceased.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    I'd stop dealing with these people except for behaving in a civil way in front of my grandmother.

    You don't owe anyone answers about your private life. If they ask questions, I'd kindly say, "I believe that I've already answered that, and I won't address it with you again." If they offer opinions, just say, 'Thanks, I'll consider that..." and then do whatever you want.

    You get to decide how much time and focus you want to give people in your own head.
    Hi catfeeder,

    Thanks for the advice. Normally, I can deal with other people in a very diplomatic way. But with family members, I easily tend to be swayed by emotions. It's been three months that I stopped communicating with them because every time I hear their voice, I really feel uncomfortable. There's an unexplainable feeling. Maybe I was traumatized by the way the treated me in the past. I decided not to speak with them because I have tons of problems and I would like to focus on healing.

    Thank you for this advice. I'll start practicing this now with my grandmother because there are times that I get emotional with her as well.


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